08th feb 2023
Today the day was very good till 4.20 pm
And then something happened which put my mood super off and i by myself surrendered and relapsed because i wanted to escape from the thing that made me super depressed
And i wasnt able to study after that
Till 4.20 i was super happy of studying full day
But i must accept that problems will keep coming but i cant relapse always
I was about to type so much but again toxicity is not gonna leave me
Bye
Making a reminder
15th feb
Day 0
26th feb 2023
Good news for myself
I just realised todsy that i have been gaming free for more than 60 days
So im super happy
Where i used to waste hell lot of time on them
Now i have been able to say no
And i did all this without any blocker
I played thrice in these 60 days which didnt take much time
I played once coz my cousin asked me two
And once just out of curiosity
And other time to get the dopamine shot
Now the urges to play have started poping out
But it happens on days when i dont feel like studying
Also my studies have imprved from 0 hrs to 3 to 5 minimum hours on average
Will slowly increase them
Need to start working out again
I started this monday
But the pain of that was there for 4 to 5 days
I couldnt move properly
But i have found the type of workout that i can do with my bulky body
So yeah thats it
Now what i lack on is being consistent and dedicated
Habits i wanna develop
So ill try going everyday morning and afternoon
whenever i am eating i need some sort of entertainment so i watch some or the other thing on phone and i dont even enjoy my favourite food
So i have tried eating without watching anything but i succed one or two meals only
becuase my brain starts giving me reasoning that its relaxing time so its fine
and guess what i end up wasting the rest of the day becuase i wanna complete that one series which i started
I journal very irregularly
so i wanna start journaling on regular basis
i wanna choose the time between 7 to 8 for doing this because i wanna abstain from all forms of technological interaction after 8 so as to improve my sleep
Currently im in doubts of when i need to wake up because i j=dont know what to do exactly
i need enough sleep so that i dont slep in afternoons but also on the other hand since morning is the highest productive time i need to use that effectively
so im still in the process of knowing how much sleep i need and i can analyse that when i have proper sleep schedules
so for now anywhere before 6.30 is sufficient time for me to wake up
and to journal everday is the most important thing
For now i give up on reading any novel on regular basis because all i do the entire day i reading
plus i wanna start other hobbies too but abstaining for now but will start doing them slowly
Study
Though i went from 0 to 3 to 4 hrs on average i will try increasing it further and im also analysis how i need to study and how many subjects a day and how much practical and how much theory
main focus is to love the subjects which i started doing recently so that i dont run away from studies
youtube is one of the main source of wasting time and relapse
half of time gets wasted on it
so focus is to stop using youtube other that studies and workout or some knowledgeable videos other than that nothing
not to start watching any anime or series (Binge watching)
It would be best if i can abstain completely
and not to start reading manga
its been a long time since i posted
but these are the conclusions that i came to and the habits that i wanna build.
I know today im typing all these at past 9.30
from tom it will be between 7 to 8 only
25th feb ending is day 0
26th February 2023
Sunday
habits
(8:00am)
(No bath because i was lazy)
(didnt study anything today as i procrastinated ) (watched anime) (i was reading manga) (3:30 to 5:10)
(Tarak mehta show) (Tarak mehta show) (till 11:00 i was using) (zero hours today)
These are few things i wanna implement in my life
i know that i wont be able to do all of these daily though ill try to do
but over time ill improve and try being consistent
About the day
woke up late - no mood to study - procrastinate a lot - binge reading manga - found a fitness channel on youtube not too difficult and the one that i was looking for and thats all nothing special.
have many new experiences o share but for now need to plan the workout schedule for tomorrow and then sleep
For meditation planning to use atoms app to start building habit
Like for once a day will use it
so will share all those with time
till then
stay strong stay motivated and stay happy
27th February 2023
Monday
habits
(5:40am)
(Watched TV and i fine with this as i wanted to release the stress) (30 mins)
So i woke up late today morning because i couldnt sleep till 1 yesterday night
i got restless a lot today and frustrated too
Zero urges as i was focusing on studies the entire day and my head feels like its going to blast now
but still ill try studying another 1 hr +
ill update few things in my habits next day
Yep thats all
nothing great
but satisfied that i studied and did exercise too
so yeah thats all
buhbye
let’s stay strong
11 days after, no update, i hope you have not given up
Im not gonna give up
No matter what
6th april 2023
I took a break from this app again 
But it was a good time because i learnt many new things
So firstly
Yuhuuuuu
Im finally 90+ days free from gaming
In the beginning it felt impossible
Now i dont knw how i made this happen and without any blocker or thing
So here is a brief of how i was before quitting gaming
Im not kidding about this because there is a big reason because of which my dopamine levels were this high and i cant tell the reason because im ashamed of telling it and i fear that how others will take it
But now i have managed to get my dopamine levels a bit down by quitting gaming
Yep im proud of myself for doing this
Even if one thing has changed it is something huge achievment for me
Last month i relapsed every 2nd day
I felt depressed and disappointed but didnt give up
With retention span of less than half hour
Now i have managed to get my studies to 3 to 4 hrs minimum
I actually realised just leaving po** and mast** is mot sufficient because if not this then ill spend time on youtube or anime or series
So i have to make conscious efforts to increase productivity and start eliminating these things
It may seem impossible just like i felt before quitting gaming
But now after being able to quit gaming i feel like it is possible
This is one of the things i realised
And that made me understand why i relapse so often
I relapsed yesterday night
Because i was feeling scared, anxious and sad and depressed
Not because of ■■■■ or something but due to something else
Yesterday while i was just frustrated because no one was giving me space to study
I just lwft studying for a while and was analysing our current situation and i came upon a worse come worse situation
I was shit sad about it
But when i spoke the same with bro
He said he knew that this will surely happen
And he is prepared to bear and face it
But im not and i dont know how we will face it or get out of it
I wanted to cry out because of this too
Though this hasnt happened yet
But we both and my mom came upon this same conclusion and this just cannot be a coincident
I just wanted to escape from that feeling so i thought of mastrubating
I shouldnt have done it i knw
But i got conviced that this will help
So when i said my bro that im scared regarding this
He said
We will have to go through this whether we like it or not
So why to worry about it
But we should make sure to turn the harsh tides into the tides that reflect a happy morning
Thags when i calmed down and working on making life better
8th may 2023
been super long
because i was working on myself and just didnt want to tel in advance of what im gonna achieve while i cannot achieve
not yet free
currently working on eliminating reasons which make me feel anxious and depressed that make me relapse
Its gonna take a while for this but i ll make it happen
so to begin with
i can happily tell that i’m free from gaming for 4 months 15 days +
donot remember when i started
but now when i look back it was easier than i thought
i didnt use any blocker on anything
i just had to delete the games and when ever i used to download i used to ask myself just one question
is it worth it and the answer i used to get spontaneously was hell no
thats it
it was that easy
i did play roughly 5 times in these months when the temptations were high but i didnt feel guilty and didnt keep on playing the entire day with the hope on starting a fresh tom
once i got out of the temptations i stopped playing and get back to my work as simple
i have succesfully been able to abstain from new webseries
i feel as long as i dont start anything new im absolutely fine and when i feel the urge to watch i again ask myself few questions
the same goes for anime but recently i have gotten a bit weak with respect to that
because i have been watching them a lot
but ill get over it from now on for sure
lastly youtube
this is the toughest because i tried abstaining from this and by 1pm or something start feeling heavy in brain craving for youtube and when i start watching i feel better and oops rest of the day i dont feel like studying at all
but atleast i have been thinking and started asking questions to myself like i did with gaming
and similar to gaming initially 2 to 3 motnhs even though the questions didnt prevent from relapse but later on it automatically did start working
ill have to research behind this in future i guess
plus i was able to increase my attention span from 30 mins to 1 hr and sometimes 2 hrs at a stretch
and my studies from 1 or 2 hr a day to 6 to 7 hrs
not sufficient but a massive improvement
i havent lost hope
i’m not gonna give up
lastly i donot use a lot of the forum now a days becuase every time the urge hits i dont want to get on this forum and end up just scrolling through different journals for motivation
i agree that motivation is important and i can easily get motivated through other ways and im actually getting motivated from the real life incidents
but i would come here once in a while to share my progress
and to also share that i might have fallen 1000 times but ill fight harder to win 1001th time
stay strong every one.
08th may 2023
Monday
Last night i had issues sleeping because i mastrubate before sleep almost everyday
but i decided no means no
and i didnt mastrubate yesterday
i started walking in the corridor
i started doing stretching
then i was just lying on the bed watching the ceiling
it took me more than 1 and half hour to just fall asleep but i didnt give in
but today afternoon i made relapsed i watched p*rn and mastrubated too
i was mindlessly watching youtube too
and after the mastrubations i felt super sleepy and unknowingly i slept for 2 hours
i feel sad and bad but i’m the one who is responsible
during these few months i started asking for help to family friends and my teachers
they were understanding but none new how to help
i needed help not just in ■■■■ or mastrubation but also studies and other addictions
but none had any idea about what to do or how to help
their only reply was u know whats ur problems is now o try to improve
i wouldnt blame them because many of them donot have issues with these stuffs at all or may be many are settled and have a decent job so they donot realise how the binge watching or social media causes trouble
rest nothing much
I feel that finally i have been able to defeat one of my addictions which is gaming addiction
my streak is 4 months plus(i dont remember when the streak started but somewhere end of december)
now when i look back
gosh its wasnt that tough as i felt at the beginning
all i had to do was
the reason for this is that it made me difficult to acces them.
the device on which i play is mobile
so deleting the game meant if i had to play i needed to download the games again
while many say they easily are able to download the thing which was beneficial for me was that i dont have wifi at home and i dont have online payment mechanism to buy data coupons plus i didnt received free data coupons from the telecom company
since i had limited amount of data which i needed to study it became Difficult for me to download
Note : why i say difficult and not impossible is because if i wanted i could download game by using data from moms phone thats where the next step helped me
but before going to the next step making it difficult to access easily helped me to avoid relapse
For example games like clash of clans, critical ops and so on are of low size but at the same time addictive
so not only did i delete the game but also deleted the the entire progress which meant if i ever wanna play i have to scratch.
Then there may be doubts like what if i start playing from scratch and build up everything from base how can i stop myself from playing at all
anf for this i followed step 3
one of the most important step
i sat and asked myself
around 30 to 35 + games dont want to mention the names
collectively more than 1000 hours
this is fucking huge because this much time in studies would have saved my 2.5 yrs from being wasted
failure, lack of studies - wasting two + years, anxiety, depression, rage, stressed out, on he verge of breaking up the relation
No. i was playing because i wanted to escape from the reality, it was mindlessly playing and i would rage whenever i used to lose
NO
No
Unemployed, bad mental and physical health and losing the love of my life, homeless and so on
yes absolutely
i can travel the world with loved ones
i can go to theme parks
i can just be happy
Note : in the beginning these questions didnt prevent me from relapsing but after a period of time it started working
and now here i’m
in these 4 months plus
i played 5 times to 6 times but never more than 1.5 hr
and when i did play i didnt consider it as complete relapse
it was a weak moment where i gave in but as soon as i came back to my senses i stopped playing deleted it and back to work
this was my journey from a game addict to a free man from gaming
10th may 2023
The day went pretty good
No urges today
And i didnt even feel like watching the devil
But i ended up watching youtube and anime for a while
Took a nap in the afternoon
Thats all
Played subway just 1 time and then deleted it
The irge of game took pver me just for 5 minutes or so
Recently the urges to play is increasing amd today was the 6th time i played in last four months period
I better watch out in future
The reason why urges to game comes s because i sometimes watch gaming videos bot streams but reveals etc
And that ks me think yoooo
Let me try this
Usually maina addictive games are shooter ones
But i hardly have enough data for daily use so i cannot even download them so they are no longer an issue
The main issue pertains to game - clash of clans
Wherein seeing the new updates spikes the dopamine and to get more of it i get thoughts of let me start playing this with contol and thelet me master new strategies then i can open youtube channel and play tournaments
I have to tell my brain to shut the fuck up
But sometimes it overtakes me
But im fully willing and determined to leave video games unless very less exceptions
Looking forward to quitting youtubr and anime while making life p& m free
Thats all for the day
13 may 2023
Im not disciplined to write diary
Nor regular
So here are few things i wanna report on
Will add other things to this in few days
The reason why i wanna deal with pon , mastru** , reading erotica or even fantasising is
I am able to do either of these things without needing the other
I might fantasise without even watching pon or mas without even po and so on
Hence the need to bifurcate
Thats all
13 may 2023
You don’t need to be too hard on your starting week of noFap. Go slow in process you make mistakes no problem but be soft to yourself for now Inshaallah you will beat this trap
Thank you for being considerate towards me
These are the things im trying to achieve
And my focus is completely on reducing the source of super normal stimuli (dopamine from these spurces and youtube, binge watvhing etc)
Plus it isnt the first week
I have been trying to quit from past 3 years
And havent been able to achieve it because i havent really changed in my career orientation as well as physical and mental healthness
And frankly speaking after being able to quit gaming addiction finally
I do believe moderation never helps and cold turkey is the only solution
The reason why im focusing on all these is
So one thing leads to other
Plus there is a bit of control on myself not because of my will power or willingness but because i donot have wifi at home and my internet usage is restricted to 1.5gb per day max
If there was no limit and then things would be worse not that it isnt now
So thats why all lf these together
Previously my leisure used to be of cycling , badminton or guitar
Now all of which is no more
So for that reason these are my tasks
If there isnt any goal set
Then my brain tricks one mare day its fine
If i go without these even one day it is great because
Just dont do it one day just dont do it one day helped me quit gaming
If i do relape too
I wouldnt start cursing myself
But by the end of this year ill be able to quit atleast some of these if not all😅
Thats it
These might look lile small tasks, but its few prople who can achive them, so these are big tasks broo, If you can achieve these daily, you can go very far in life, Im saying this because I also want to do them…thank you
Honestly, this is mostly the causes of masturbation.
Yessss
I agreee with u
And im working on it …
