Day 10:
Wel guys I am still going for the guys who thought I would not make it. But I am doing great. Man I must say having my nephew to train with me is awesome. Well off to bed…
Good luck and stay strong and awesome!!
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Day 11 completed! Feeling busy and exicted! Tasks completed and that is all good!
Good luck stay strong and awesome! Thanks for the read and support!
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Day 12 and 13 completed.
Tomorrow is day 14!!! Almost there and officially 2 week in. Damn time flies. And 2 though weeks are coming ahead with an exam prep week and exam week dang I can’t wait to get this exam done with…
Lets go! Stay strong and awesome and good luck stay strong and thanks for the read and support!
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Day 14 completed… feeling very tried going to bed now…
Stay strong and awesome and good luck stay strong and thanks for the read and support!!!
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Hey Guys sorry about being so quite these past few days it is going rough. Day 16 almost completed just need to do my exercises then it is of to bed see you guys tomorrow maybe, bbut good luck and stay strong and awesome and I wish you guys all the best. Thanks for the read and support!
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Day 17.
Happy to report all tasls have been completed. With my days so full nowadays I finnish up a bit late. With the final preparation underway for the exams next week, but also it is sad to see how quick the time is running out. It felt like I started yesterday and now day 17 and another week almost gone.
But life goes on we are all fighting on in our lives, doing the best we can to be the better version of what we were yesterday. Sometimes we feel stuck and wonder wtf… And we cry and die deep inside with all the hurt and all the lies we carry. It is so sad to think about the times of I should have… I will do… I will reach… All those I should have could haves and would haves…
Why do I mention it?? Last weekend I thought about myself alot… I was stuck hurting myself more then to help myself. All those times I wished to do more or to make more out of my life. Instead of how lucky I was for that opportunity. I had failed and sure there is some of the things I can’t change, but there are stuff I can change now. That is what is what is important and to live my life is what it is gonna take. The next opportunity, the next challenge the next dream etc.
We all need that change to adapt to that lifestyle, I have considered on leaving the forum too as it well felt unnecessary to be here and I felt unhappy, unsure and don’t really know why I am here. Maybe I need to rediscover my journey and see what the end of this challenge might bring??
What are your thoughts on this???
Well thanks for the read and support and good luck stay strong and awesome!!!
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Sometimes is hard to keep going forward. When there’s nothing for sure, the journey feels meaningless. Each one has to choose how to live. You are not an exception. I can’t really help you on this. You must find yourself, do whatever you need to do to feel alive. I hope you can soon find your path!
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Hi, I think it’s natural to leave the forum as time passes. It’s like a hospital or a rehab. When you get well enough to take care of yourself, you can go home and continue your life more healthier. 
I still remember your comments on my confession and I’m thankful for you. 
Best wishes
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Day 19 completed.
Well sorry for the brief conversations lately I will talk a bit more tomorrow hopefully. In the recent times it is going a bit busy. But hopefully I can pass this week and pass my exam next week…
Good luck and stay strong and awesome. Thanks for the read and support!
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Hey guys. Dang I have been real busy over these few days. Day 22 already of the challenge. I have decided since from tomorrow in celebration of the last 7 days of the challenge I am going to start things of fun, by this. 7 guys can join the challenge. No catches, no conditions execpt to submit an valid entry.
Okay I do have some sad news. In consideration of reading the post of me leaving, I am still indecisive about it. I am glad to see how this was approached and also the reaction I received. I spoke with a friend who is some what my therapist nowadays on things going on in the day to day and I must say he has talked about this issue and said stuff that made me think twice on what I do and how I do it.
Guys I am just passionate about this forum and really want everybody to succeed and build themselves and because of that sometimes I just tend to go overboard or put a lot of expectations on stuff since I know I am a people pleaser and have been all my life and yeah I kinda dislike that part of me as it makes me very naive.
Aswell as a lot of stuff I am stuck with and being here kinda I don’t know, in this journey like to discover more about yourself you kept on ignoring or hide, but know it is there and you just like hope it disappears just to get stuck somewhere else.
See I don’t wanna be negative and say it in a bad light or something, it is kinda more like a weird feeling a person can’t explain. I am stuck in such a limbo on what is wrong or what is there to fix.
Is there someone else that feels this way?
Just have to focus now on the healing on the other damage that has been done. My road to recovery is not finished, let’s say I am about halfway there. Need to learn new skills and aquire the results I have been waiting for…
I wanna build, not break or fake it till I make it… I wanna do what’s right and start believing and stop dreaming about the fake stuff out there and build my hopes on my own empty promises I make.
I want that’s good for me and for this forum, but alone I start a shift for change, but with even more people we can make difference. I wanna stop being sorry for myself. Start being strong, be that guy who I want. I just don’t see that now, but I am starting to feel it!
Thanks for the read and support and good luck stay strong and awesome!
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Hi, @Cubenix
Most importantly, you’re responsible for yourself, your own well-being. You can’t love others if you don’t love yourself… So feel free to do what’s best for you! And after that, you can care about others and support them on a different level. 
You have to know that you can come back here any time. Once a month, once a year or never again… You are free to decide what’s the best for you. 
Take care
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Day 23. Super nervous about tomorrow and excited that my exam has finally arrived!
Two final though days ahead and gonna give it my all!!!
Okay, guys thanks for your comments @comingclean and @Adioz no nonsense and being straight up. I like that. I am well aware that all I do is for my own well being. I am here to fix parts of me that are broken and yeah sometimes falling of the band wagon happens. I never hate myself like uhh suicidal tipe just like sometimes people do stupid stuff that bites you in your ass later on and in some cases the personality traits are basically the major factor in this and yeah I would wanna exchange some of them to avoid the lies and hurt that they cause. This is it what I ment on I dislike that part of me you know.
I don’t live in my past, but the reminders haunt me now and then and then it is like ignore it as it was stupid stuff an dit was a stupid thought of the day.
Like for instance today was amazing… I blasted German rock music in my car with pride. I was a German again nothing stopped me in singing along and kinda say no or don’t or feel ashamed of what I am doing and also add my own personality towards the songs and living in the moment.
Well, it help me in a way and broken me in another. All the good times all the times being there and being that guy. Falling in love with a girl, a culture a language and having like a awesome family as if I belonged there. That’s what is what I care about and is passionate about.
Germany gave me a new life a new identity and also like made me who I was desiring to be, happy go lucky and not having to please to beg for something like a bit of appreciation. I was a person. And now I was stuck going back to my old life, becoming what a sad broken messed up guy wanna be… I worked hard, I studied hard and also made it thus far in Nofap… What, does it take to become that what one truely desire.
I can’t run to Germany each time. No I have to be that guy now in this moment. You, know an old guy told me : In life you think you know everything or hope to have all your answers, bjt you don’t know how wrong you actually are.
He explained in the following way… One day you think about something and you have reached your definition of what that is and you are happy about the outcome.
The next day or opportunity you think about it and you recalculate that same situation or knowledge, you sometimes come to a different conclusion or answer and then you start to think why. And that is an entire different thing if you go ahead and argue about that statement of why.
See we answer qeustions and handel situations according to how we are in life and also how we feel comfortable. We are in the gray area all the time. Some stuff are black and white for us yes like our faith, and the stuff we are educated in like 1+1=2 for example. But who we are you can never really say every detail about you each year except logically your age and probably medical conditions, as we change often.
Yeah, the sad fact of the matter is we here have this weird and guilty addiction, sad pasts and we all here are broken trying to find our ways back. Some are stuck just like me maybe… Wondering on the stuff we are doing now and how it is changing us for the better or for the worse…
Well, thanks for the reply and support and the read hopefully we can chat soon again. Good luck and stay strong and awesome!
Day 26 completed.
Been a long and hard week so ready for the weekend!!!
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Well I am in the middel between day 29 and day 30. Don’t worry haven’t given up…
Today is day 30 and it is results day…(haha) midnight… Gonna do my last push-ups etc and then measurements lets see what these 30 days have done!
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Hey there… sorry for the suspence on the results I have been very busy lately…
Okay here is the intial readings of my body:
Weight: 75kg / 165 pounds
Bisceps : left : 30 cm / 11.81 in
Right: 30.5 cm / 12 in
Chest : 89.5 cm/ 35.2 in
Shoulder width: 125.5 cm / 49.4 in
Waist by belly button measurement : 85.5 cm / 33.6 in
Legs top left : 52.5 cm / 20.6in right 52cm/ 20 in
Calves : left and right 36 cm / 14. 2 in.
My current measurements:
Weight: 74kg / 163 pounds
Bisceps : left : 30 cm / 11.81 in
Right: 30.5 cm / 12 in
Chest : 89.5 cm/ 35.2 in
Shoulder width: 125.5 cm / 49.4 in
Waist by belly button measurement : 86 cm / 33.8in
Legs top left : 50 cm / 19.6in right 50cm/ 19.6n
Calves : left and right 37 cm / 14.5 in…
Conclusion…
Well it felt great doing these exercises and also getting only defined muscles… I expected not to get gains, but yeah my legs have shrunken a bit but it is probably where I lost my weight and gained lean muscle… also I gotten a bit bigger belly, but I am focused now with a better diet and maybe switch it up with more exercise variation to truely work on the muscles it self… Also that’s why I don’t think I make the gains that the muscles didn’t really receive rest and had a repetitive action which doesn’t really put to much strain on it. BUT I clearly noticed that by day 17 up to day 22 I could do all 30 reps of the exercises straight with 1 min breaks between each exercise, but after that I kinda gotten back to where maybe I could do maybe like 20 or what push-ups and then stop… as I think my body just like is tired… but this was overall a good experience…
With my german I am now also starting to watch german tv shows on Youtube. And yeah it is awesome to watch them… Sometimes i miss what they are saying as the speak a bit fast but I can understand most of the content there of… To read and tipe german is easy, but to listen to native speakers well is a different story. Also with the guitar practice I have some german songs I am interested in and also have had the lessions in german there for.
As for the maths I feel it helps me more to concentrate obviously and also I get better memory retention these days and it is super cool to struggle less in conversations…
And now probably the last thing we all have been waiting for… what is in the future for me and the forum…
Well, as I have talked with people about what to do and not it opened a few options for me.
See I was kinda like stuck on what if and also whats gonna happen and what you all gonna think about it… Also it wasn’t easy to like wonder what if etc. But it doesn’t matter now… I have created this challenge to inspire and also to see where I can build on myself and also where others can start or even begin with.
So with this experience I gotten to understand what is going on better and also discover who can understand what I am going through and also like give a story or little nudge in the right direction…
It doesn’t matter anymore what matters now if I am staying or going and also what is gonna happen next?
Well, I wanna say thanks to all you that follow the journey and sorry about all the whining and I appreciate what you guys have done…
But it ain’t over and I am going to continue here and concentrate on doing a do over with the challenge and truely break the limits as far as I can…
Chat to you guys soon
Good luck and stay strong and awesome!
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