Confession and accountability

Hello every 1
I would like to make a confession
I just turned 20 before 6 days
I m on this forum from July I guess
I dont remember coz seeing myself fail several times
I just deleted the app then opened it with new emails yes mails I created 2 to 3 more accounts
As I was afraid that while every 1 were doing great
I was losing that too so easily i would relapse
I was afraid of seeing myself fall
Even yesterday when I failed no nut November
I cleared all the storage of this app so that I can start a fresh
And then I was happy thinking yeah now I’m clean
I’ll start a fresh and will succeed
I have done this many times
But yesterday it hurt me
It hurt to run away
Nope
I wont run now onwards
I haven’t failed in these many years
So that’s what made me run
I put the same mail I’d and signed it
And I also put myself in the relapse column in one of the NNN challenge
But no more running away from the fear of failing

I have my exams on 22nd
Not prepared
Thoughts emerge like it’s fine just give trial and error if u pass ok if u dont then next attempt (competitive exam)
But I m no more afraid of failing in exams
I’ll give my best
If I pass it will be my efforts and I’ll be proud of myself
If I fail no problem
I’ll gain a bit of knowledge and also wont be depressed by taunts that I’ll get
Will focus more and will be proud on myself coz of my hard work to mass and not mere luck

Many times I felt like it’s fine dont reset streak after relapse u will go higher streak and u will stop doing
But even though this thought came many times I still hit the reset button
The goodness in me still exists
So from now on no more will I run and no more will I fear
This addiction is a result of 8 years
I’ll try to get more stronger everyday …:blush:

From now on I’ll stay accountable on this post
Will most everyday without fail
No matter if I succeed or relapse and will no more change accounts
Finally got the courage to say
I’m not a loser
Ill rise
I wont hide or run anymore

All the best to a new beginning and all the best to every 1 in this journey

3 Likes

I had the same problem as you brother, I have only relapsed once now since Oct 20 and now I’m experiencing Major Flatline, this is an ongoing battle and we can’t get overconfident, the moment we do we lose, try to keep track of your emotions and when you get urges go to YouTube and search for nofap content, my favorites are ‘Captain Sindbad’ and ‘Fearless Dan’.
I watched their videos day and night last month and finally I’m on a clean streak, without porn and masterbation. Goodluck

1 Like

Bhai lagta hai tu CA student hai

CA student this side :pray:

Kuch ho toh batana

Also, please recategorize your post as confession
This helps in keeping the posts organized :slight_smile:

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DAY 01
COMPLETED DEXENT ENOUGH
there was no difficulty
Just few issues
Like I didn’t feel I slept whole night
But when i woke up at 4 i was energetic and not sleepy
Had mild thoughts of past encounters of pmo in the morning while meditating but distracted them easily
Usually the problem starts from 3 rd day
Let’s win over it this time :blush:

1 Like

Day 02
I relapsed yesterday
I know I shouldn’t but wasn’t able to control…
Starting a new da thg again with Day 001
:blush:

Carpe diem : seize the day