I went to bed too late, woke up late, and realised I’d missed Mass.
The interesting thing was, it was only 6 mins late but my brain said otherwise, and still there were plenty other Masses I could’ve watched.
I’ve got no excuses for tomorrow.
I had a “novel” shower
But I’m happy to be here keeping simple it and honest.
Saturday 28th
Livestreamed Mass this morning.
The Gospel was very timely for me;
‘Watch yourselves, or your hearts will be coarsened by debauchery and drunkenness and the cares of life, and that day will come upon you unexpectedly, like a trap. For it will come down on all those living on the face of the earth.’
‘Stay awake, praying at all times for the strength to survive all that is going to happen, and to stand confident before the Son of man.’
To overcome the uncomfortable adaptation period of rebooting, you need to develop your discipline and willpower.
At its core, this is a mindset. It’s the ability to keep your eye on long term, big picture payoff rather than short term pleasure.
PMO follows the formula of pleasure first, pain later. This is the lifestyle of immediate gratification.
Discipline follows the pattern of pain first, pleasure later. This is a lifestyle of fulfillment and satisfaction.
To transition out of the former and into the latter, you must get comfortable with discomfort.
There is a finite, defined number of cravings and urges you need to overcome to rewire your brain from porn. I don’t know that exact number - it could be hundreds, it could be thousands.
The thing is, it’s a finite and limited number.
You can think of this number as a big pot of pain soup that you need to eat to regain your taste for the authentic goodness of life.
Excess pleasure is what desensitized you and got you addicted.
This pain soup of discomfort by discipline will RE-sensitize you and set you free. It is your medicine.
I had a big argument with my mom this week. She called me names and reproached me for everything that went wrong in her life. Out of nowhere and without any reason. I am wanting to finally cancel the contact completely. I almost cry at work everyday since then. But I feel I must save myself from her. I sent her a note, that her place is not my home anymore and, if, I will only visit her as a guest from now on.
With almost 9 weeks sober (of alcohol as well) I realize that much of the pain leading to my p*** and alcohol abuse came from my bad relationship to my parents with them holding me down all the time and making me responsible for their life and happiness. Maybe one year earlier I would have drowned myself in alcohol and p*** sessions after such a fight. Not this time!!!
It is hurting severely - but I try to be strong. I deserve to be happy!
Please tell me if you have made similar experiences.
I failed to my imagination not porn is that progress? This is a tough journey and we will relapse along the way to recovery that’s what Mark Queppet says but we must learn from our mistakes: he says at least fail differently, in a different way and then learn from that using the metascript method. If we don’t learn from our failures we will repeat the exact same mistakes again.
I think the counter system can set us up for thinking that anything less than perfection is not good enough but if I’m making progress then a zero on my counter doesn’t reflect that I’m learning from my mistakes it’s just one measure of success and it is valuable in that way but it’s not the whole picture.
I know late at night with technology is a danger zone, I know that having an electronic shut off at say 10pm is ideal. That reading my bible is the first thing I should do in the morning before exposing myself to any media. I think I’m learning, I hope I’m making progress but I know that I’m weak and easily enticed.
God’s standards are so high and in a sexually charged culture they seem almost impossibly high but He gives us the strength right? And we are happier living pure than with our minds in the gutter. Happier not feeling guilty and exerting our willpower than crumbling at the slightest temptation.
I believe God’s way is the happiest way. I hope I believe that…
The past couple of days have been good and pmo free after some not so good days.
Glad to be here, glad for this community.
I thought a lot recently whether a “Daily check-in challenge” is the right thing or not, whether it’s helpful, or the opposite.
I sometimes worry it creates an unhealthy bondage,like with the app, “does this constant attention to nopmo keep us in the cycle?”
I’d love to know any of your thoughts about anything.
I’m really grateful for this forum and it’s community. It has done a lot of good to my life, its given me some real leverage with pmo addiction, as well as the reflections, prayers, support and good will for others have brought me closer to God, and onto a clear path.
It doesn’t matter where you are in your journey, you are never alone, and you’re always doing the right thing by reading something like this
Had a very very miserable and bad year in no way out from PMO…have become such a biggest slave to PMO in this year…not even a single day had been through without it…i daily think this is my last day such a bad health i made up of myself…there is no stopping such a chaser effect i keep having daily…i m completely broken and shattered from inside… can’t stop my tears, i feel because of my this habit god must have also become so disappointed from me, i feel god is no more with me, i feel abandoned by god and that’s the biggest pain to bear. My forefathers must be disappointed for giving me so high level energy and vibrations in initial days when i was completely fit and young. I always felt that i was the chosen one, but today i am just like empty vessel, no energy, no vibes, no strength, no life, i lost all spiritual energies that i had…i feel all the spiritual energies are leaving me now. I feel so so disgusted about myself.
Sometimes i really ask god is there anyway that he can forgive me one last time
The good thing: it was not with hardc*** p***.
But it was with audio ero***.
And I had an orgasm.
I negotiated with myself: Do I even have to count it as a relapse? Bad news: I have to - in order to keep it honest as hard mode.
I desperately wanted to make the 90 before start of the new year. Maybe I was to desperate. What counts now: keep going. Keep it a slip - and not as the beginning of a series of relapses. Stay strong - keep fighting!
Thanks @anon67854825, it’s been alright lately. I’ve been on a learning journey as of late. I think I’m starting to understand some things that were holding me back before.
But now it’s just dealing with my own laziness to stay consistent with my strategies.
I want to come back to the daily diary at some point, but I think until I get a decent streak going, I’ll be on my own journal thread. I just hate adding relapses on here, I feel like it’s pretty demotivating.
Thank you for your motivating and honest words @Special_Bird it means a lot, I shouldn’t doubt myself so much
I really appreciate your thoughts on the Daily Diary - I’ve been in conflict over it for a while, but relieved to know people are focusing and building on what is important.
. 
