"Check-in" Daily - diary challenge

Challenge
4359

Thank you brother @anon67854825 for always including me :pray:

I want to check in more frequently this month. One day at a time :pray:

Thinking of all of my brothers here. I don’t have much inspiration, I relapsed yesterday myself, but I believe that what is to come will far exceed what has passed. This won’t be our battle forever. One day we will smile and grin with joy thinking about how much we transformed and be glad to live the way we’ve always wanted; happy, free and clean with self-control.

Thank GOD for the journey!

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4360

Day 0 successfully completed.
Monk mode.

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4361

Day 20

Urges are all time high but I know I will pass it

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Day three and here to post about it. That hasn’t happened in a while. Celebrating small victories!

@anon67854825 @Gk-00

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Day 5 no pmo at all. Day 10 I think since I viewed porn. Have been getting sexual dreams that’s twice now like my brain is fighting back
‘please gimme some of the excitement I’m used to’
me: ‘err No’

Slaves of sin or slaves of righteousness?
I’m a new creation in Christ. I have the mind of Christ. I’ve been bought and paid for by the bloody sacrifice of Jesus. Hallelujah right?
I consider myself dead to sin, dead to lust…
Pmo hasn’t helped me so far so how could it help me in the future?
Just this tiny streak and I feel a lot better for it
I’m battling acid reflux maybe that’s a helpful distraction?

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May 2nd
Day 16

What has helped me this far is my porn blocker. Anytime porn flashes in mind I remember I’m completely locked from porn and there’s no way to access it on my phone as someoy else has the password.

Also, spending time with friends and work… We can defeat this brothers… Let’s stat strong

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@Forodwaith Glad to hear it brother! Cause for celebration indeed!

@weir You’ve done it before brother :+1::100: I’ve found that when there are multiple urges attacking at once, it’s a sign that I’m lagging behind in other areas of my life - health, relationships, exercise, diet, finances etc. and that discomfort is seeking an outlet in PMO.

:100:

@Nkem Thanks for your advice and support brother. I’ve done the same after my last relapse; never done anything like blocked access and given away the password before but a relapse is an ample opportunity for change. I pray it works well.

Today was free and clean, thank GOD!

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Saturday 2nd May

It’s not been a perfect or great day at ‘nopmo central’ - I let the public servicemen take the day off without offering it, as it were.
That’s how I see it right now.
I’ve repeated this behaviour a lot in the past couple of months.
I can’t see it for what it is, even if I can, wanting to see something deeper is a distraction.
I want to be able to put words to it, and say “this is because such & such, and you do this because of that, and for that reason”

I must do this, do that tomorrow… :thinking:

When feeling, thinking, trying to articulate fail, what is left? Is everything lost?

Anyway, its late, enough of that. I retained my seed, but messed around in my mind.
I’m glad to be here with you guys @Forerunner @Rebooter81 @Forodwaith real, living, interesting, admirable human beings :pray:
You are like the angels on my shoulder whispering good things :pray:

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I made it to day four and then relapsed. It was the longest I’ve made it in a while and I want to go for at least a week next time.

My mistake was using my phone in bed and looking at Instagram which can be a gateway.

I also broke up with my partner of almost six years last night which was one of the most difficult things I’ve ever done. I’ve felt a range of emotions from sad, devestated, numb, free, and relieved. It’s an opportunity to rebuild on a foundation in the Lord and I was hoping pmo would not be a part of that but just because I relapsed does not mean this needs to be a spiral.

I have the opportunity in post-repentance to “by the Holy Spirit put to death the misdeeds of the body” and with the Lord root up and tear down as well as rebuild.

If I might be even more vulnerable with you all here, this VERY, VERY, HARD for me (the break up) I I request prayer support.

Thank you too all of you.

@anon67854825 @Gk-00

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You are :100: right bro, no exercise nothing here and I am getting very aggressive with my parents just like last time when I had big fight with my mom

I will surely utilise this energy into something beautiful for sure

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May 3rd

Day 17

Did have some sexual thoughts today… But washed it off… It doesn’t dwell as I remember that I am completely locked out from Porn…

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@Forodwaith Prayed for you today brother. Man, six year relationship…I’m really sorry bro. Can’t even imagine the pain. May the LORD help you rebuild on healthy and sound foundations.

That’s beautiful man. Glad to be back and here with you :pray:

I had some triggers today, dealt with a lot of shameful thoughts that arose, but thank GOD I’m still standing.

Interesting technique that my brother gave me today - it’s called ‘What then?’ When the urges and triggering thoughts come to mind, speak to them and ask them, 'What then? Alright, so you want me to go back to that website and load up that video. Okay. What then? You want me to load up multiple tabs and binge. Fine. What then? You want me to binge for ages before starting a streak again. Cool. What then? I’ll be back to feeling miserable and sorry for myself and stuck again. Great. What then? I’ll be wishing I hadn’t opened up the website in the first place. Guess we agree there’s no point making that search then. :-1: ’

Today was free and clean, thank GOD!

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Sunday 3rd May

:pray: @Forodwaith @Forerunner :pray:

Unfortunately I relapsed today.
I spent the day being busy, work-fun.
It’s late, and I want to… But I don’t.

My elderly friend said an amazing thing as we watched the news to see abandoned business in Las Vegas; “I don’t care if they go under, they’re one of the moral evils in the world, like ■■■■”
I held my breathe, and thanked God :pray:

I’ve had Priest’s who were like “just don’t do it”
Others who were consistent “God forgives you”
… And,… A special one, who journeyed so deep with me, I came to completely new place. I had another with the pragmatic approach, “it is a selfish act, and we are called to be selfless”
Very upfront and to the point.

I was glad to hear my friend’s remarks.
He’s someone who says many things and can be very challenging, that I sometimes have to remind myself of that Carl Jung quote “what irritates us, teaches us about ourselves”

He’s discouraged me away from worrying about using ■■■■ as he presumed it must be for religious reasons that I felt the need to join this community and make effort to quit, Religious reasons I’m guessing mean to him, psychologically damaging,… Or ideology.
Ideology being fixed, talking in absolutes like I did, and wish I didn’t.
Either way, it frames the situation and shows why its significant. It was something new.
It shows when you let something be, it develops.

Sometimes, just planting a seed is enough.
We’re still here :pray:

Love you guys.
Sorry its late, I relapsed this morning, overworked at the expense of others, and went to “p” and smoking to relax :pray:
I am a selfish sinful person, I can do better in these areas of my life, not to dwell on sin, but to aspire to Virtue :pray:

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Week 7 - Sun, May 3, 2020 - Streak: 1 day

@staybusymymotto I’m sorry for the late reply brother :man_facepalming:t3:, it’s been a busy week with finals at school. I see you are still going on your streak though! This is good.

Brother, Aoshigreen had some wise words to tell here. This addiction can overtake us, but so can fear. And where fear is, so is addiction. I know it is devestating to lose a high streak and you want to avoid that at all costs, but you can’t let it destroy you. Learning is the most important aspect of this journey. And in learning comes mindfulness. Consider where these urges are coming from, and if you can’t solve it, that’s okay. You will find out with time. Regaining yourself completely I think comes with letting go of these intense emotions.

Again, I’m sorry I have been absent brother. This addiction is a nasty thing. Hopefully soon enough we can be walking side by side into freedom from this. Stay mindful💪

@anon67854825 Thank u for all the encouragement brother, I’ve been reading your posts, don’t worry, I don’t mind the religious nature of it. As you said, it’s always good to get a different perspective :slightly_smiling_face:

@Forerunner Glad to see you back and posting brother! I’ll be back on here consistently soon, busy with school these two weeks. I like that what then? Approach, I’ll have to utilize that from now on.

@Forodwaith Sorry to hear about your break up bro, I can’t imagine how you have to be feeling lately. Stay strong brother, we are all here for you if you need it.

Late night, so I’ll leave it here.

Goodnight guys :zzz:

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I also relapsed yesterday
broke my 3rd highest streak of 22 days

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Day 1. Check in. The day was normal but I woke up late. I Made some new plans for me today. One plan is also for waking up early in the morning. Hope it will work for me

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After a 7 day streak i relapsed today. I must get my life back on track. I haven’t been posting on this forum very often and i will start posting everyday now. When you relapse you’re down, but never out.

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May 4th Check in

Day 19

Had a busy day which ended with some sad news but then I spoke with friends and prayed with friends and felt better… I’m so glad I have a healthy way to release… We too can brothers… Let’s build healthy relationships that we can count on… This will go a long way to help us all

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@anon67854825 New ideas can be very beneficial at times - a jolt to the system.

@Special_Bird Thanks brother, happy to be back. :smiley: I’ve decided to use ‘What then’ daily even without urges, just to get in the habit of doing so when things get difficult. It was a good way to gain some mindfulness this morning.

@Weir Sorry to hear you relapsed brother, we all know the struggle. Glad to see you came back here. That is always something that impresses and humbles me - seeing people come right back to the community and work on repairing and rebuilding. I always disappear and isolate and fall into binging due to shame.

I’d say you could use the opportunity to see what brought you down this time. Start up an exercise routine again, even 10 push-ups a day and increase from there, and work on repairing the relationship with your parents. Take some actions daily that help give you a better life, and it becomes much easier not to relapse. (I need to follow that advice myself :sweat_smile: )

@BenThor You’re a champion brother, you can come back from this.

Today was free and clean, thank GOD!

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Monday 4th May

@Forodwaith :pray:

I relapsed again this morning,
But it was a great day.

I want to take a fast from words for a little while,
Finally with, I’ve fallen into edging/viewing territory the past few months. It may as well have been constant relapse and damage.
So I feel the need to zip it :zipper_mouth_face:
in both senses :joy:

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