Thank you for posting the video @weir
2 Likes
Tuesday 28th
Relapsed last night/tonight 
Thinking/feeling = fine and okay
Oaths/promises = keep quiet, I think
Repentance/change = there are more hours in the day that I nopmo, than pmo
Where do I go from here? = to bed, and take tomorrow as it comes
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I’m seventeen hours into my next reboot. I am beyond frustrated with myself and with my life. I feel so stuck and I don’t know how to get unstuck. I think, the only thing I can do is reboot, restart right from the ground I am standing on. I hate my sin and I hate the person I have been becoming through it. God help me to become the man you see in me. I don’t want to make any bold statements on empty confidence but I can say I’m not giving up.
Day 0
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@Forodwaith pray that I hate my son as much as you 
I’ve become soft and lazy recently.
Praying for you.
Yes @Forodwaith predictive text 
No I don’t have a son
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I didn’t know you had a son but you shouldn’t hate him.
J/k I know that’s a typo and will pray
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Week 7 - Tues, April 28, 2020 - Streak: 4 days
All is well. Today urges were back as predicted. Didn’t journal, which I regret, but they weren’t terrible urges, and I was able to deal with them in my head.
I’ve realized that a lot of times with urges, I sometimes just resort to saying it’s from stress and moving on. But I’ve realized I can’t use a catch-all like this. If I really want the urge to disappear, I need to truly evaluate what is the problem. If it’s not going away, this should be a good sign that I haven’t found the source.
It’s hard work to find the true source of an urge, and I’ve become lazy with this, but I have to put in the work to truly be mindful.
@MindfullyFree @Forerunner @staybusymymotto Thinking of you guys Hope all is well
Goodnight guys 
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@Special_Bird
Nothing is well brother. I’m at 26th day. With each passing day I fear that I’ll break my streak. My brain leaves no stone unturned in trying to fool and trick me. Please pray for me. I’m fighting this battle alone.
My memory is gone. My body is so weak. My bones crumble. My mind is weak. I’m always filled with doubts and negative thoughts. My heart is always filled with despair. I’ve lost all motivation and interest in life.
I promise to never ever break this streak. I have no other options. It’s do or die.
Is there any hope for me to regain my original self completely?
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While you feel and perceive that way,
the opposite is very true.
The opposite is always true.
The glass is always half-full beyond doing, and we are alive beyond our trying.
Excessive joy or excessive gloom distract us from it.
This is a phase, we are like the seasons.
We all living through this uncertain period.
Stay busy, mindful, aware and in The Spirit 
Ask and you will receive
In the chaos of life/change, the ego wants a level of comfort and to guard, while the soul is crying out to God to be in him alone.
We don’t have to try, but have faith, to get onboard - to turn over stones together.
He is your Lord, Your God, Your rock.
Trust in the Lord at all times.
Please excuse my religiosity. It’s never intended to be ideological but open the way to some freedom.
Bless you guys @staybusymymotto @Special_Bird
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Thank you for your words.
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Wednesday 29th April
Thanks be to God for today
April
4 relpases
A few dodgy moments and prayers out of worry.
But… 17 days of feeling on top of it.
Tonight and tomorrow left of this month.
Earlier as I wrote this I wanted to view/do - it’s been a busy day, losing myself in my work, and my problem is I never forsee or try to forsee breaks from work, and knowing to switch-off at the end of the day.
I played some computer with my mate and some late night enjoyable piano practice.
Hope you guys are well @Special_Bird @MindfullyFree @Forodwaith @Gk-00
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Day 18
What was that? It’s f up nightmare which start with I bought po** magzine with my wife and after that I just don’t want to explain
It’s just a nightmare but guyz that was really horrible
1 Like
Day 19
Urges are there but I am keeping myself busy with several task
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Thursday 30th
I am weak, I am an addict.
I need truth.
Weakness is an opinion, but do I compulsively engage with stimuli regardless of consequence? Yes.
I am an addict.
As an addict I need to be serious, and take practical measures.
Sometimes I’ll feel motivated, other times not so, but it is the principle I need to adhere to if I want to see change in my compulsive need for stimuli.
The ‘compulsive need’ is for most part, related to feelings like, being motivated or not, seeking an escape from dilemma.
With that, dilemmas will be there regardless of how I deal with them. I either try to solve them or not. But most often I find the solutions but forget them, or don’t feel them? Or something changes.
I think it is most often that I don’t feel them.
And when we don’t feel something, it’s somehow rendered obselete. What is that?
Anyway,… doing it now with a want to reiterate. Compulsive? Probably.
It’s not only by will, feelings, emotions, but repetition.
I want to emotional sew the right things, but juggling truth is like mental gymnastics.
Repetition without question but faith, is a completely different thing.
Thanks be to God
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Friday May 1st
Morning Check-in
Yes, I need community and others.
Sometimes just knowing someone is thinking of you gives support and motivation to already established reasoning.
Comforted in the fact I identify addiction, and want to climb over that hill of compulsive behaviour.
It is a hill made out of repetition.
Thinking of you guys
@Forerunner @Forodwaith @Gk-00 @Rebooter81 @MindfullyFree @Special_Bird @staybusymymotto
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Had it not been because of you guys and rewire companion I’d have never ever ever ever be able to have the hope of leaving this addiction.
@Special_Bird I’m with you. You did it earlier you can do it now. I watch your streak everyday. I know you’re struggling. I’m with you brother.
@Sahas you really inspire my bro. Really happy for your streak.
@Forerunner @anon67854825 reading your journals is what keeps me going in this tough battle. Thanks for being here.
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Sorry brothers, I couldn’t handle myself tonight😔. I will rise again. I will never give up.
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Cool you play piano… Interesting
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May 1st Check in
Day 15
A little lazy today… But got some work done and video called new friends… My day was good enough. How was yours guys?
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