Week 4 - Tues, April 7, 2020 - Streak: 4 days
@anon67854825 haha it’s all good man, I mostly just write for myself anyway, just need to get stuff out on “paper” so that I can really think about it.
Of course man! We have to remember not to be ashamed of this addiction, shame only feeds it more. There’s nothing inhuman about addiction, it’s our very weakness that reminds us of who we are and what we are fighting for, that we are still human. And in remembering that we are human, we know we have the power to change our life for the better.
Exactly man, it’s that misunderstanding of ourselves that is the real problem here. I was thinking of a good analogy to this, it’s a lot like a big project for school. You know when you first start and everything just seems so overwhelming, there’s so many components and requirements and you’re not really sure even where to start or how to ever reach them. That’s a lot like our emotions and this addiction. Everything can overwhelm us so much so that we tend to just give up and procrastinate our recovery. Just like with a project. That assignment is just too damn daunting, why not play some video games?
And of course, that’s why teachers and professors always tell us, to not much avail, that you should always break down your projects into manageable chunks. Before you even begin, start writing down how this is all going to go down. Start at one requirement, and work your way through one at a time. Until all of a sudden, everything seems fairly straightforward. That’s when it’s best to start working. The problem is that many students waste their energy trying to force themselves to work on something they don’t fully understand. And so not only do they not get anything completed, what they do have looks really quite terrible.
It’s the same thing with this addiction and our emotions. A lot of times, fapstronauts will try to force themselves at this addiction, thinking brute force and sheer will will somehow get them through (same thing with reliance on avoidance activities like exercise btw). But this never works of course, maybe they got somewhere, but it wasn’t much, and they didn’t actually get to the root of the problem. They merely just avoided it while focusing at it. Much like we might force ourselves to stare at our computer screen for 2 hours trying to complete the assignment, while doing everything but.
So how do we break down our assignment of beating this addiction? Simply by breaking down our emotions into sizable chunks. Bite-sized, manageable. Something that won’t overwhelm us. And that is always best achieved through writing. Starting wherever you are, however your feeling. Maybe you feel nothing. Great, start there. Write that. Why do you feel that way? Go deeper, and eventually you’ll find you’ve worked through the whole problem and the urge is gone. Because you have learned to manage it, instead of letting a dopamine high manage it for you.
Okay, not sure why I wrote all that, I think part of it was for myself to be honest 
, had to get out my thoughts. I know you know this stuff as well as I do, but hopefully that at least gives you a bit of motivation.
Very true brother, I’ll get on it definitely. I don’t want to regret not taking the little bit of time out of my day to speak with him. He’s all alone now that grandma died, so I’m sure he could use the company.
Definitely bro. Yes a consistent schedule is the most important thing here!
Good day today. No urges, went exploring a little, got some skateboarding in, found an abandoned workshop which was pretty cool.
Getting to bed earlier tonight. Which is definitely good. But the forums always take a lot of my time and make it later. Maybe I should try replying to others earlier in the day, save it, then finish my own journal at night. I think that sounds like a good idea.
Alright, anyway, better get to sleep. Goodnight guys 
Thanks be to God.
I relapsed today