Week 51 - Friday/Saturday
All good
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Thanks bro. Sure getting better of ED, still lot of issues to deal with. "Reboot & Rewire"
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Week 51 - SaturDay - Oct 26
Month’s 5th 
(3 in Sep). Second time in my journey, I have done both Fap n Drink. Bad mindset. Have to snap out of it.
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I have been away from checking in for such a long time.
I had too many courses to attend, and I didn’t check in. The course put me away from the porn thinking despite not checking in.
Today I am in Cambodia, after spending the whole day yesterday doing medical Relief work, I really felt knackered.
This morning, I woke up and felt like I need to see porn images. Went through sub in reddit with raunchy pictures. It makes me feel happy, but I now this is not a real happiness. It is just temporary pleasure that I will regret later.
So I open this app, went through other people experience.
Deleted reddit again.
And checking in.
It is really 61 days without fapping.
But for pornography, I have been seeing it in the past 2 weeks, although not everyday.
I think the next 30 days will be the challenge of seeing whether I really want to do this.
The more I need to check in and put down my thinking, as reflection is a way to control thoughts and behaviour.
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Check in - Sunday 27th October
Day 32 - All good… glory to God
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Checking in : week 51-
Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday.
All good 
.
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Day 19. Check in. “Wish you sparkling Diwali to all bros🎆”
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Week 13 - Oct 26, Sat - Streak: 62 days
Ah I worry too much man. Yesterday was rough, but I think it was mostly just that I was so low on sleep, I just needed to hit the sack. I vented to my mom yesterday, and she was able to find me a tutor in the area who is willing to help me understand my assignments, since the TAs and professor don’t anymore. I feel super relieved. I overthink this stuff a lot, but I think the most important thing is to just get sleep.
Sleep is key for me.
As for the date, I think it went really well! I really wasn’t sure I was going to click with her, like I didn’t know if she was like everyone else here, but we clicked really good I think! And my cousin and his girl-friend went along and they said they thought we both liked each other a lot. So we will see I guess! Will keep you guys updated.
Didn’t get a whole lot done today as I had nerves for the date, so I guess it will be a bit of a cram tomorrow sadly.
3 days till I beat my best streak! Keep strong everybody!
This is my streak, I am going to make it.
“Don’t aim at success. The more you aim at it and make it a target, the more you are going to miss it. For success, like happiness, cannot be pursued; it must ensue, and it only does so as the unintended side effect of one’s personal dedication to a cause greater than oneself or as the by-product of one’s surrender to a person other than oneself. Happiness must happen, and the same holds for success: you have to let it happen by not caring about it. I want you to listen to what your conscience commands you to do and go on to carry it out to the best of your knowledge. Then you will live to see that in the long-run—in the long-run, I say!—success will follow you precisely because you had forgotten to think about it.”
- Viktor E. Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning
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Checking in - Friday 25th, Saturday 26th, Sunday 27th October . All good, thank GOD.
@Rohitash Great progress brother, keep going strong! Cheers!
@Special_Bird Glad to hear you’re getting a tutor, that sounds like it could really help. Sleep is key! That quote from Nas said it all about its effect on your mood, I’d say.
Yeah man. None of us chose to be an addict. If we knew what we know now before we ever looked at pornography, very few of us would even make that first glance. I’m still trying to understand if we even choose to continue being addicted; knowing all that we do about its conflict with our values and the many negative effects in our lives. But one thing I’d say is we choose how commited we are to our recovery. If we choose to put it off, the addiction follows us around until we commit fully.
He’s on the NF forum, here’s a link to his journal:
https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?threads/51-married-male-first-saw-■■■■-at-12-years-old.54818/
“The worst part about anything that’s self-destructive is that it’s so intimate. You become so close with your addictions and illnesses that leaving them behind is like killing the part of yourself that taught you how to survive.”
Unknown
We’ve experienced pain, suffering and trauma in our lives. They say no one leaves childhood unscathed. For myself, I grew up in severe poverty, going nights without food at times, sharing a single bed in a cold, mouldy room with seven family members. My father was very abusive and took out his anger and frustrations on us all; his wives and his children. I remember how weak I felt growing up, seeing his tyranny and being unable to stop him. Once when I was around 8, I grabbed a pitcher of cold water and poured it on him when he was attacking my mother, trying to defend her and stop him. I knew I was in for a severe beating, but he turned, wiped his face and laughed, saying Don’t look down on me, Joshua. When you grow up, you’ll be just like me. You’ll beat your wife even worse than this. I believed him and internalized the idea that no matter what, I was destined to be a bad person. That thought traumatized me for many years.
Around the same time, he exposed me to pornography accidentally. It was graphic and violent and it repulsed me. I didn’t understand why anyone would look at something that disturbing. Little did I know I would be going down that dark road myself…
When I rediscovered pornography again at 11, the feelings were different. I was ashamed of how excited it made me feel. I would stay up late into the night so I could view pictures while everyone was asleep. From 12, I started trying to quit, but it had already become a part of me, and only grew with time.
Frustrated with school work? Pornography.
Trouble in relationships with family, friends and classmates? Pornography.
Feeling stressed, worried, bored, tired, depressed? Pornography.
It was constantly there in my life as I grew up.
My life was just passing time until the next relapse; the next binge session. I wanted to get rid of it so badly, yet I was deeply connected to it at the same time. The beautiful women, the arousal, and then the depression, shame and regret. For that brief moment, I escaped from my life and experienced only pleasure. Then I would come back to myself and realise what I had done. I would close all the tabs, wipe my history and pray, swearing to GOD that I was done for good this time and begging to be freed from my lust. It was a cycle of temporary delight followed by overwhelming pain.
At times, I would relapse simply because of the shame I had after breaking my commitments so many times, feeling so weak as I had as a child. I got to the point where there didn’t even have to be anything bad happening for me to be triggered to return. I didn’t see myself as a good person; I wasn’t deserving of grace or forgiveness, and I certainly didn’t deserve to quit and live a happier life. My actions were reflecting how I viewed myself; I was unkind and selfish, manipulative and deceitful, like my father said I would be. I hated myself, and if I felt happiness or joy momentarily, I self-sabotaged and relapsed.
With that mindset, breaking free was like climbing Mount Everest without an oxygen tank. I had to finally forgive my younger self fully for stepping into the addiction, and every version of myself since then. To remind myself that the pain I grew up with wasn’t my fault, and that I could choose to break the cycle. To believe that just the desire to improve the life I was subconsciously destroying was a noble feat, and that desire alone made me worthy of change; it made me a good person. With that, I learned a new way to survive. I would be the hero in the movie of my life and not an extra. I would face my demons and exorcise them one by one. And with GOD’s Help, I broke the hold that my dark passenger had maintained on my life for so long.
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Check-in Tuesday, Wednesday, Thrusday, Friday, Saturday & Sunday
It’s been long! Feels like months have passed. 
But I was regular with reading all of your posts.
Okay so, Deep breath, here I go:
@Special_bird
Congratulations for getting a date buddy! I’m happy for you! Virtual hug!
I can understand the stress you are going through. It’s a good thing you did hiring a tutor! I don’t know exactly how your school, work & assignments are, but I can feel the frustation you go through while sitting infront of a screen & coding for long hours.
Imagine having a wound on your knees, but having to walk for kilometers of distance. That wound won’t heal fast & definitely would be alot painful if you keep walking, but you don’t have any choice.
That wound is the doing of PMO, to your mind & heart. & this distance you are walking is your current life. Just remember that you are healing, we all, your friends, are the bandage trying to dampen your pain. It still hurts, but once the healing is done, you’ll be strong again. 
If I explain in terms of meditation, This Rewire journey is making you more mindful & clear about your life & actions. So you see & understand everything more vividly.
Everything, including stress. Stress never increased. It has always been there, you are just mindful to notice it properly now, that’s why you are having a bad time. Otherwise there was always this temporary ‘pleasure’ for relief. You’ll surely be acclimatized, don’t worry. Just wait till your mind totally rewires & is fit again. 
Everything will get better with time. 
@Forerunner
That post moved me brother. I’m sorry for everything you’ve been through. And I’m really glad you are changing for good, & you’ll definitely be better & better in the coming days!
I’m walking in your footsteps brother, You are the torch bearer, keep leading! 
We all are with you!
@anon67854825
How are you doing?
I had exams last week. Damn, those were the worst papers I had ever given.
I prepared for a month, but still felt like I did no preparation at all. The syllabus is too vast. Each & every topic is volatile. At the last moment, it’s really tough to even think about where to start reading from! Everything feels important. & It feels like as if I’m reading them for the first time. 
I’ve got my last chance now. Finals are starting from 10th december. I can make it if I work hard. I’ve had great urges these 3 days, which made me not wanting to do anything productive.
I’m slowly moving towards being lazy again, the early-riser me is also shifting towards a disturbed sleep cycle. I need to get better. Fix things.
I’ll have to be productive now. Enough of being lazy. There are alot of new hobbies I want to adopt & new skills that I want to master. It’s time to get ahead. I’ve been working on this digital journal of mine & it seems to be helping me too.
Haven’t played the piano in a while.
Haven’t even meditated these few days.
Apart from that, everything’s fine!
I watched 3 movies after the exams. Joker was such a dark film, I couldn’t stop thinking about it for days. Joaquin Phoenix has really done a great job! 
One of my friends (girl) invited me to join her for a film. I recommended a particular newly released bollywood film. I hadn’t watched the trailer neither had I done any research about it. I just knew it had my favourite actor as cast.
She called one of her friends (girl), I brought one of mine (boy), & we 4 went for the film.
It turned out to be an adult film.
Ouch, Awkward…
Tried to be as normal as possible throughout. 
Still had a great time though! A wierd but good memory to keep. 
Today, as a part of our festival, we (my family) had Lakshmi pooja (We worship & remember goddess lakshmi).
All got dressed with new, clean & bright clothing. Visited our relatives. Had a good day meeting everyone and having sweets & when we were back home, Dad cooked some delicious lunch for everyone.
We also burst some firecrackers in the evening, Great time!
Good night! & A Happy Diwali!
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DAY 240 
8 Month 
with the Happy Deepawali 
Week 51 
Check in… Mon, Tue, Wed, Thu, Fri, Sat, Sunday
All GOOD
Happy Deepawali
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India / Sharing code 8esh1r
Day 0
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Check in - Monday 28th October
Day 33 - All good… glory to God
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Week 51 - Sunday
All good
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Week 51 ~ Sunday
All good, thanks be to God
Welcome to the Check-in diary @shaman_shah
@Positivebloke hey bro, I’m good thanks.
I feel a bit tired, after all the work, but generally very very good and optimistic about work.
Today I sang with my choir and played some great music with our traditional folk Christian band for evening Mass (guitars, violin, flute, mini choir) - so good and prayerful I wish I’d recorded it 
I went to a Keralan restaurant last night here in UK, which makes me think of my close friend who is in Tamil Nadu, wishing I could visit India someday.
At the moment, I’ve had a sense to relax and a feeling of entitlement to pleasure, after finishing a big project, but I don’t want to go down that route, as work has helped me a lot in my nopmo journey.
Its good to relax and enjoy things as much as possible, but things that plant seeds for tomorrow… Right? @Forerunner
Happy Diwali 
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Day 20. Check in.
“Fresh HOPES
Fresh PLANS
Fresh EFFORTS
Fresh FEELINGS
Fresh COMMITMENTS.
Welcome New Year with Fresh ATTITUDE…
Happy New Year…
”
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Diwali Greetings!! 
Week 52 - Monday
All good
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Week 52 ~ Monday
I’m alive, I’ve survived. It’s a new week, and I’m committed to keeping clean.
I’d like to see 30 days on my counter Lord.
Please guide me each day, please don’t put me to the test, but help me rejoice in you
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