Need for transformation inside me, that which hurt, sting but still i dont take action why is that. why i wanna remain the same i am. why i am not the person i wanna be . why i am so irrational . i know what need to be done why i am not doing it is my so called why so weak or i dont wanna change is that it. help me myself the true self which is within me please come out i know u are their hiding inside me and only showing yourself when i truly want you. but when i doubt you u get back in hiding . its not my fault or is it someone else or is it true that i have accepted without even realizing it wasnt true. Knowing things doesnt make me different but doing things do have such thought make me proud but mus*** make me lose all that. Even if this is the reality why cant i accept it.
why i keep watching the youtube when i know its degrading my mental ability why cant i give up this practice like i give up the struggle to control my urges.Doing it write know also in another tab how much low can i get now where is the bottom or is like space expanding with my each decent.
Only you have all these answers, really ask yourself what happened that made you turn to all these crutches, expose all those feelings, journal about it or meditate for it, you’ll get all the answers. You need to know yourself, Do you know yourself?
Look into your heart, the light and the dark, to know yourself you must face both
mate first of all i feel and see ur pain…
u feel miserable and that is okay you are ahving a hard time.
you need to be more compasionate with your self in this case compassion also means that when asking all these questions and feeling the way you do right now you commit to jsut feeling it wihtout doing anything else you can write just how you worte this but do not distract yourself from the pain. own it feel it be it. it needs to be felt to pass and also it needs to be felkt so taht you can understand
as @The_integrous_one said you have the answers. youa re on a good path with writing this the next step is to think about the answers and actually write them down to even if they are supeficail at first take them and think about them more write more… all your pain and desperation needs to vent . you need to stop running form your bad feelings and instead towards them yes it hurts but the relieve you will feel after you ahve felt that will be so much better than PMO… also PMO stops you from feeling it tha tis one of the reasons you are propably on a tube site while you wrote these things. next time just write it without the tube site and understand that even though PMO distracts you from your pain it does not help you remove the source it actually even masks the source.
my sugestion is sit down and think about the answrrs to your questions
also … srsly read the easy peasy way instead of PMO the next time 
it will help and provide you with information also:
Knowing things doesnt make me different
that is not true. if you knew enough and were enoguh of things about how ■■■■ is harming you you would ahve already quit the thing is currently you are aware of some drawbacks of PMO but the benefits of PMO you perceive or attribute to PMO outweigh the drawbacks… if the drawbacks were worse than all the things you think you gain by PMO you would ahve quit…
so again:
read the easy peasy way 
try to answer your own questions
think how PMO benefits you /why you use it?
waht are more eficient way to get what oyu need?
you can do this
bests
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