Hi guys,
I’ve been doing NoFap for some time, and my addiction has been improving lately. But I need your advice on a tricky situation I’m in now.
So 9 months ago, I got a girlfriend who I genuinely love. She used to be very shy around physical and sexual intimacy, but recently she’s opened up to me and we’ve started to do things we never used to do.
Now don’t get me wrong, this is definitely awesome, and we’re both doing this for the right reasons and are very committed to our relationship. Plus, this has helped her be more confident in everyday life and has improved the quality of our relationship.
The only problem is, each time we make out more or less seriously, I get a crazy chaser effect that sometimes leaves me wasted for a day or 2, and pushes me to relapse (of course this is no excuse). Plus, when I get into high streaks, even thinking of her can really arouse me, especially when I remember some moments we spent together.
So overall, I don’t know how to react to this situation, and hiw to solve this issue. What do you guys think? And do you have any useful experience to share for this topic?
Anyway, thank you for your time and understanding
Chaser effect is natural phenomenon.
Your body has a built in chaser effect.
Even if you dont have a girlfriend; you will be under chasing effect.
Because of this chasing effect you got a girlfriend in the first place.
It is good that you have recognized it as a problem, Maybe one day you stop chasing and return back to peace.
Look, i am not someone who is in a position to tell you how to break & deal with it. I am also dealing the same problem like many others.
Do you think we should talk this together? I’m scared it would affect her and her self-image in a negative way and make her feel responsible for my problems…
She’ll think it’s her to blame. She’ll think she’s responsible. But, if you truly know her and you think she’ll understand, definitelly go talk to her about it - I don’t know what you’ll achieve by talking to her, but if you think that this is the best option, go for it. Other option is to get yourself together and start making small steps in harderning your mindset.
Of course,
Chaser effect is the intense craving for PMO or orgasm in general following sexual stimulation in real life. It can last from a few hours to a few days depending on the person. In my case, I feel strong urges to PMO after meeting with my girlfriend. Some argue that this is a normal response of the body, as it reactivates neural pathways that are common in PMO, such as the limbic system (or reward circuit). Others say that we feel this because it reminds our brain of what we are “missing out” by abstinence.
Anyway, it’s definitely something you want to be careful about…
I don’t want her to feel responsible… I mean, even though she’s causing this indirectly, it’s my addiction that truly causes the problem. I don’t want her seeing me as a sexual beast or something so I’m not really into telling her this (she already knows about my addiction) , but I don’t feel like I’ll be able to handle this on my own…
Believe it or not, you and I, we’re in the same shoes. I have a gf, she knows that I don’t fap and she kept me going, supported me (still is),… I’m on day 92 thanks to her, because I was close to relapsing many times… but thought of her just being disappointed and disqusted stopped me from going through with it… But why was I close to relapsing ? Because of her. Same reasons you have brother. Memories, thoughts, fantasies… But I chose not to tell her that because I know how girl think. I just told her it’s my mind producing triggers and that I’m fighting it. Which is true at the end of the day. It’ me. Not her. Not anybody. It’s me. I’m responsible. I did this to myself and I’m in a constant battle with my mind. And I will win. I have to.
This is my point of view on my situation. Hope I helped at least a bit. Stay sharp brother. Don’t slip.
