I know, I’m kind of an ancient member here. I have been here from the very start of this forum. I saw a lot, read a lot, wrote a lot, and also fought a lot.
In the past 3 years I developed as a human being from a shy, angry person, not caring about others, not having time for others, literally getting sick from fear before every exam, birthday party or social gathering. I was stressed all day so that i indulged in YouTube, the smartphone in general and porn.
But over the years, I evolved. I learned a lot about myself. I learned to listen to my feelings and to my body. Learned to figure out where these feelings are coming from and what they wanna tell me. This makes it possible to reduce stress and all factors which lead to me, fleeing from reality.
Over the last year, I stopped fully focusing on nofap because I needed a break. I knew that I don’t have the willpower to do it. So, I focused on self improvement. But I feel like now, there could be the time to start another go at nofap. I will try to write every day. Even if it is just a short line. I started a new topic rather than my old journal to indicate to myself the fresh start of this try.
The main things I wanna recite daily are the answers to following questions:
What kind of person am I?
What is important in life to me?
My daily habits
How did I feel today / Did my ticks start again?
Why I see them as the most important questions:
I found that cognitive dissonance is one of the main reasons for stress in my life. It’s when I behave contrary to what I am. As example. I always learned that being a perfectionist is not good. So, I thought that I mustn’t say that I am one. But I just love to see things which are perfectly done, it makes me happy. Another thing is changing my believes in front of others / not making my position clear in an argument so that they like me .
So, it is extremely important for me to know who I am, what I believe in and then also stick to these points in front of others.
What gives you energy to wake up in the morning? What keeps you from watching porn all day? It is a clear goal. This includes my career, my hobbies, and my social life
Positive habits are the foundation of a good day. It simplifies so much and makes it easier to pursue your goals
The earlier you figure out that something is off, the easier it is to react. Typically, if I’m stressed by something, an upcoming event or anything else, a whole cascade starts. It begins with me chewing on my fingernails, then I start to neglect my hobbies, I start to get more irritated and unhappy, I then start to get drawn to YouTube and the smartphone way more often and in the end I feel the urge to watch porn. This can take days or even weeks depending on how stressful the event is. But the earlier I detect that there is something that stresses me, the easier it is to react and the lower the chance for me to relapse
As an end of the first post, a huge thanks to all the people who are inspiring and supportive. There are so many that I can’t name all but I still wanna name @amadeus for your support and @Forerunner for all your inspiring posts.
Thanks for the compliment, I’m happy to hear something I’ve shared was useful or inspiring.
Best of success with your new beginning, I’ll be following your journey. I speak for many of us when I say I’ll be happy to know that your username has come true!
We are all together in this brother. Happy to have such an experienced man among us. This time Iam 100% sure you’ll break free from this addiction and will also become your best version.
Lets go
Lets start day 3 with the answers to my four points (The first 3 will stay the same each day. They are there for me to recite):
What kind of person am I?
I am a person who loves perfection
I am energetic
I am happy and have a positive attitude
I am a good friend, listening attentively to what others say
I am a person who loves progress which makes the world a better place
What is important in life to me?
I want to contribute my share to society by developing helpful technology
I want that my behavior and attitude positively affects the people around me
I want to be able to listen to my body and mind and give them the things they need for being happy
My daily habits
Before going to bed, meditate until tired and imagine following affirmation as vividly as possible:
"With the singing of the birds at … o’clock (my clock has bird sounds) an amazing new day will start. I will wake up with a smile. My first breaths will be deep and give me the energy to start the amazing day.”
Morning affirmation after waking up: “What a wonderful day.” and think about one great thing you will do this day. Wash your face, get dressed, open the windows in the bed room, breath in the nice air from outside, make the bed, and eat breakfast
As the first thing at work, recite the first three points of this topic
Remind yourself as much as possible to be mindful
Always put your phone in one place and keep it there
At the end of the day, come to this topic and write about your experience
How did I feel today / Did my ticks start again?
I felt a tinge of fear in the morning after waking up, making it difficult to start into the day energetically. During the day, I made lots of fun and productive things. Surprisingly, in the afternoon I still got the feeling like “You haven’t done any thing fun today”. From how I know myself “something fun” would mean YouTube, games, TV, porn. It’s really interesting how years of spending the day in a certain way makes everything feel less valuable.
After that, the day finished really good. Surprisingly, while writing this post, the same thought came again: “Now that my girlfriend is in bed, I have time for myself and can do something fun”. It’s interesting to notice how urges to finish the day with something “good” hit me now.
I will spend the next 15 min meditating about it and then go to bed.
I am a good friend, listening attentively to what others say
I am a person who loves progress which makes the world a better place
What is important in life to me?
I want to contribute my share to society by developing helpful technology
I want that my behavior and attitude positively affects the people around me
I want to be able to listen to my body and mind and give them the things they need for being happy
My daily habits
Before going to bed, meditate until tired and imagine following affirmation as vividly as possible:
"With the singing of the birds at … o’clock (my clock has bird sounds) an amazing new day will start. I will wake up with a smile. My first breaths will be deep and give me the energy to start the amazing day.”
Morning affirmation after waking up: “What a wonderful day.” and think about one great thing you will do this day. Wash your face, get dressed, open the windows in the bed room, breath in the nice air from outside, make the bed, and eat breakfast
As the first thing at work, recite the first three points of this topic
Remind yourself as much as possible to be mindful
Always put your phone in one place and keep it there
At the end of the day, come to this topic and write about your experience
How did I feel today / Did my ticks start again?
Today was pretty good. I woke up happy and did my morning routine. But I felt that something was off. I wanted to hide from something. During the day I felt energetic and positive.
Now in the evening i figured out that I feared my work. I feared to do my work the wrong way. I’ve started my PhD 2 months ago and I feel like I already need to have a perfectly finished project. I fear to sit on my computer for too long, designing a highly complex and over-engineered part, which I wouldn’t be able to fabricate in the lab. On the other hand, I can’t go to the lab and test things if I don’t have a design which I want to test. But we figured out that I need to work in closer contact with my professor. I will schedule a meeting with him, show him the principle of my concept and show him which next steps I plan. In about two or three weeks I can repeat that.
The other thing to see is: My professor once told me “the salary is low because a PhD is an apprenticeship”. I’m here to learn, not to be perfect from the start. I will make the wrong things, I will need lots of time but that is the idea of an education.
I still don’t feel perfectly happy but it feels much better then before.
I am a good friend, listening attentively to what others say
I am a person who loves progress which makes the world a better place
What is important in life to me?
I want to contribute my share to society by developing helpful technology
I want that my behavior and attitude positively affects the people around me
I want to be able to listen to my body and mind and give them the things they need for being happy
My daily habits
Before going to bed, meditate until tired and imagine following affirmation as vividly as possible:
"With the singing of the birds at … o’clock (my clock has bird sounds) an amazing new day will start. I will wake up with a smile. My first breaths will be deep and give me the energy to start the amazing day.”
Morning affirmation after waking up: “What a wonderful day.” and think about one great thing you will do this day. Wash your face, get dressed, open the windows in the bed room, breath in the nice air from outside, make the bed, and eat breakfast
As the first thing at work, recite the first three points of this topic
Remind yourself as much as possible to be mindful
Always put your phone in one place and keep it there
At the end of the day, come to this topic and write about your experience
How did I feel today / Did my ticks start again?
Today started amazingly. I was in a very positive mood. But as soon as I arrived at home, it fell to the deepest pits. i got very angry and was harsh to my girl friend
I figured out that the main feeling was impatience.
Also a very important thing today was that it is really difficult to come back to a happy mood once you are down. I feel like I mustn’t be happy now. I can’t just let go of my bad feelings and smile. I had that feeling before but today was the first time ever that I managed to come back twice. I managed to smile again and be happy. To laugh. Sure, each time it dropped again but I feel like this is a first win.
It is really hard today to not relapse. Urges are hefty and I just wanna do it. I will now meditate for a bit and then go to bed.
It’s okay not to feel okay. Each emotion is an indicator for us to learn something. Dig into what’s causing the impatience and what led to the anger today.
The urges were there, but you came here instead! More than one win today, I’d say!
Sorry it was a long gap between the last post and now. There was a lot going on. Many difficult situations. I went to check out a new hobby joining a club which is very stressful for me. Had an important doctors appointment and an important meeting. All within 3 days. I managed them extremely well for my standards. Nevertheless I did relapse. It is annoying but I’m surprised how well I managed that time. So let’s start again.
I will need lots of strength for the next 2 days. I’m working from home and my girlfriend is out of town. So, I will have lots of spare time.
I will start with the affirmation: “I don’t need porn to be happy”
I know, I’m kind of an ancient member here. I have been here from the very start of this forum. I saw a lot, read a lot, wrote a lot, and also fought a lot.
