2 weeks back I had an unwanted fight with a member of this forum which I regretted it later.
It was my mistake and my over reaction driving me so crazy inside.
I don’t know why but my impulsiveness is so difficult to predict and my anger goes beyond control then I regret it so badly.I felt so bad after that incident and took a break from this forum.
After I left this forum, my life changed to the worse and have been encountering lots of problems since then. I had severe mental stress .
I am currently living in a place where I am alone and my parents are far away from me.
I have met the psychiatrist for a counselling session. Asked him about my anger management, over thinking and impulsiveness
He then counselled me and said I need to give up the bad feelings of past trauma and not carry it like a baggage which also destroys future relations.
From then on, I have joined for Sri Aurobindo Ashram as a student and starting taking meditation and eye exercises seriously.
I have joined the School for perfect eye sight of Aurobindo Foundation here to improve Eye Sight.
But yesterday when I was sleeping I had severe nightmares of someone abusing me physically. Normally during these nightmares my parents will wake me up, ask me to drink hot water and sleep again
Since I am alone here, I had to deal with it on my own.
From waking up from the nightmare, I started scrolling mobile phone, it became like a doom scrolling, got triggered by an image and watched P and relapsed 2 times.
I hate to live like this.
Till the time I was in RC, I wouldn’t even think of relapsing and wouldn’t get urges at all.
But without it, i went from bad to worse.
I know my overthinking and reckless words have hurt the feelings of many in the world.
Those things which I have said I wish I could take it back and change the scenario.
But be well informed that I regret what has happened and I regret for my actions here.
If the concerned person is reading this, he be informed that I am sorry for provoking him and disturbing him.
I wish I could regain my 2 friends back in this forum and change myself
But I am afraid, they will be so angry and not accept my apologies and reject my friendship.
My mind is singularly responsible for all this.
Hmm
Anyways coming back to RC feels good
Feeling honoured to be part of this forum
Its better to spend time here rather than wasting time overthinking and relapsing.
Thank you RC
PS: I know from now onwards that I should stop judging people’s intentions from their messages and overthinking. Any issue gets triggered in my mind purely because of my overthinking. I need to stop that and overcome. If u can, suggest some good remedies for anger management and overthinking
, hope you are doing good too
