What could have been a wonderful opportunity of my life
From my childhood I was different from others in various ways. I used to very withdrawn from the outside life and distractions.
I stayed completely away from this sexual non sense till 17 Yeats of age. Completely free from any addiction
My life , my energy levels and my emotions flew so high In the sky like the flags of my life
Then one night the unfortunate things happened
Till now, I didn’t know anything about my body, sexuality or even nightfall
Even though night falls would occur, I would construe it as I urinated my parents due to dream of fear, drink water and sleep again
One fine night this nightfall happened. At 17.5 age
I was so curious to know what’s happening in my subconscious mind
That’s I woke up suddenly from the sleep and checked what’s happening
Suddenly I noticed something I have never seen before. It was leaking down there
And it didn’t smell like urine. The smell, the texture were so different
To learn more about this, I googled and find out that this is called night fall and occurs very commonly in men
That’s the first time I learnt about my sexuality in my 17 Years of life
Then after gogling it I became very interested to know about my sexuality
That’s when I discovered that despite nightfall a man can release the same liquid through hands
I was so intrigued about this and tried it
And when I ejaculated for the first time, the feeling was just beyond words
The dopamine hits were like crazy
My breath hushed up and down
i was profusely sweating my entire body
It was the first time I experienced something like this ever
I felt so happy and proud at that moment
I kept on doing this that day for 6 to 7 times
This continued every day for about 2 weeks
Finally I come to realize that this is a trap
And that this habit isn’t giving me any real happiness and doesn’t let me to stop
I started searching youtube videos on masturbation it’s pros and cons and how to leave it
At that time literally 90% of Mfs videos on youtube were like “ Oh mastrbation is completely normal. There is nothing wrong in doing once Daily. Have a fun time guys”
These mfs made me believe that time that mastrbation was normal and isn’t dangerous and can be continued
So I kept on doing this for 3 to 4 months
My life started to go on its downward trajectory for the first time
I realized the real Danger of this
It doesn’t let me focus
It doesn’t let me study
It doesn’t let me do anything productive
It doesn’t make me happy
It’s just compulsive and keeps me anxious
I decided to leave this habit when I was 18 years of age roughly 6 months into this addiction now
Initially I would go 2 to 3 days Nofap
After that I would relapse
This single relapse would make me so shameful and guilty
I would sit and cry for hours due to relapse
I even felt like killing myself by jumping from the balcony few times
The emotional pain were unbearable
Then the nofap days streak on an average increased to 1 week
By this time I joined college
In college, the common topic of discussion between young male adults is what’s the number of times they ejaculate each day
And everyone was like Ohh this number of times, that number of times
They laugh at this and take it completely as normal without any shame or guilty inside themselves like I was suffering
99% of boys used to mastrbate and watch prn
So I thought it was so normal and reduced my guilt and shame a bit
Nevertheless I was determined to quit this MO habit as quickly as possible [ Remember till now I only had MO addiction, I never had watched prn or PMO addiction until now]
So life continued
I used to relapse in a gap of 5 days
Everyone I relapse my stress anxiety worries would go up. My motivation, energy levels, strength would go down
My life sank down the ground
It sank down spoof deeply that I could literally see the a graph of 75 degree slanting line of my life That goes down down down down down each day without any stop
All my acquaintances started to ignore me, leave me, not talk with me, humiliate me
Life was just unbearable. I was 19 at this phase of my life
I determined myself to break this MO habit at any cost
I started to immerse myself in deep spiritual practises and thoughts about god,
Love and passion for god
It helped to increase my streak as high as 10 days
I kept on pushing my limits
Until a time where an external disturbance out of my control happened in my life That stage,
That it shook my confidence, interest, hope completely from my life
It filled me with severe pain and despair
I never anticipated that such an external disturbance would occur to me and destroy me like that
I got severely depressed and traumatized
And all worries and anxiousness and efforts about Nofap vanished
MO habit now became my reaction tool to my depression and trauma. My default punching bag
The way I saw mastrbation addiction completely changed. I now saw it as my justified response to my despair and pain and did not make any efforts to overcome this addiction
Forgot all about nofap or spirituality etc
This year is probably the worst the worst period of life
I not only MO ed continously but I also justified it and enjoyed it without any shame or guilt unlike the previous case
This is where I stepped into Watching prn
Until now I never had watched prn or no interest or urge at all to view it
But once I stepped into it now
Things completely changed
Initially I enjoyed it so much
It gave me such an unrealistic happiness and Pleasures that I would never experience in real life
So I continued it
It blurred my decision making capabilities
It blurred the clarity in my mind
It completely erased focus and vision within myself
Caused immense brain fog
I lived like a walking dead at this phase of my life without any aim, without any purpose or goal in life and without even realizing that the path I am walking at present is a cursed path
I kept on going in this brainless downward trajectory without any realization
My life went down down down and even down the points I never ever thought before even in my dreams that I would someday reach this down in my life
That’s when I finally discovered Rewire Companion Forum. Initially I knew nothing about this forum or something like this could even exist or what’s the purpose behind such a forum
I started to read each people’s diary vigorously
I read Nofapstar’s diary fully from the starting till the end.
His diary started from 2020 and went on till 2023 3 full years of journey. The diary contained posts for each day in those 3 years. I read that entire diary in a single night by remaining completely awake
He detailed each day of his lockdown period life and post pandemic life in that dairy
His diary contained his advises, his life lessons and his journey which taught me so much
I finally decided to put an end to this P M O addiction
I opened my own journal
I grew very serious about my life and Nofap
I was 20 at this age
I started to pursue Nofap very rigorously No matter what
No excuses given
The Nofap journey was full of Ups and downs
I would be severely away from PMO And then relapse suddenly due to unbreakable and unbearable urges
I would pick myself up again and again start my streak of nofap
This went on for one and half years
Full of ups, downs and ups again and downs again
My streaks now reached as high as 21 days, 30 days, 50 days.
At sometime it felt so mentally exhausting that I had to fight this fuking urges throughout the day
The only useful job I did in the day was fighting these urges and not relapsing
Life felt like very little meaning
By this time, all my friends reached somewhere so high In life leaving me so alone
I was left alone with no meaningful work or progress
I started to feel severely anxious
My emotions were a lot more impulsive
I would frequently get angry and shout, break things or cry continously without any self control
My short temper worsened
This is were I decoded to break this phase of my life
I found the rarest gem of motivation to break literally every damn fucking thing happening in my life at present and completely live a new life and achieve all the things in the entire world
And do a 180 degree transformation of my life
Which is were I am now
I am 22 years old now
I am very Religious and lot more spiritual now
It helped me to take life works and tasks and learning very very seriously
It helped me not to control the urges but to overcome the urges completely
Urges do not disturb me anymore
I have grown a lot of control on myself
My self control And self Discipline improved
I have grown a lot in semen retention
I started to see that my life trajectory improve bit by bit each day one at a time slowly and steadily
And now I am where I am
living a very joyful blissful life
My journey just reminds me and others why to never ever enter this cursed habit shit even by mistake
Had I just slept that day without enquiring about whats happening to me that night of nightfall, then I would have never entered this hellhole
I would have lived a much happier life saved a lot of time achieved much more in life
I would have been a role model and inspiration of others. I would have reached so much high
Perhaps I would have to life with this regret for my entire life
Can’t do anything about this
But I am atleast happy where I am now at present in my life
Thank you for everyone reading my life patiently
I am deeply grateful to you and this forum to present my nofap journey
I bless to rise above in life and make a mark on this planet before you die
God bless everyone 
