Bellair's Trials and Tribulations (29M)

Day Zero

Pretty much the start of another start. I’ve been struggling with this since I was a kid. Starting from once or twice a week, to once a day, to multiple times a day. The latest iteration of my self exploitation has been going on for the past two or three years.

Even when I was at once a day, I had been trying to quit, winning and losing. I think the longest I had gone was 30 days, which was a year or two ago. However, once I fell back in after that, I could only ever manage at most 2 weeks.

Now with my latest string of 3-5 times a day for the past couple months (enabled due to me being able to work from home) I’ve found myself diving deeper into maximizing my stimulation, to the point where I had been downloading porn just to have multiple videos going (usually 5) at the same time. After yesterday, I realized how absurd this was and that’s when I joined this site.

I’m barely coming upon my first day and the amount of small impulses that I get to fall back into the habit really shows the amount of damage I’ve done to my body. My current goal is to hit that big 30, then the 60, then the 90. Pretty much however long it takes for these unhealthy mindsets to dissipate.

I’ve tried various nofap sites and apps, but I’m hoping this will be my last one.

Wish me strength,

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Brother we all are on the same page but we are with you strongly. Develop your strategies to fight this happiness sucker and refine them continuously. This is not gonna easy but we do have to overcome it at any rate.
Best of luck.

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Thank you brother. I will do my best.

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Day 2

Today was much easier than the first two days, but probably because I was distracted by other things. I still had small urges out of habit but knew better than to dwell on it more. I woke up this morning with a much stronger mindset and instantly thought to myself “today is a good day. You don’t need to do it today” and I think it very much set the tone. I hope to keep it up as time goes on.

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There is a book called “easypeasy” . You can download it online. It might help you to fight against porn.

I relapsed, and not because of the urges or me needing to. I let my guard down and stumbled into old triggering events, specifically using reddit in my phone using the random NSFW button and then going into my recycle bin on my computer to finish the job. Uninstalled reddit, and deleted those files as safe guards. Hoping to beat this previous 5.5 day streak!

Day Zero once again!