Pretty much the start of another start. I’ve been struggling with this since I was a kid. Starting from once or twice a week, to once a day, to multiple times a day. The latest iteration of my self exploitation has been going on for the past two or three years.
Even when I was at once a day, I had been trying to quit, winning and losing. I think the longest I had gone was 30 days, which was a year or two ago. However, once I fell back in after that, I could only ever manage at most 2 weeks.
Now with my latest string of 3-5 times a day for the past couple months (enabled due to me being able to work from home) I’ve found myself diving deeper into maximizing my stimulation, to the point where I had been downloading porn just to have multiple videos going (usually 5) at the same time. After yesterday, I realized how absurd this was and that’s when I joined this site.
I’m barely coming upon my first day and the amount of small impulses that I get to fall back into the habit really shows the amount of damage I’ve done to my body. My current goal is to hit that big 30, then the 60, then the 90. Pretty much however long it takes for these unhealthy mindsets to dissipate.
I’ve tried various nofap sites and apps, but I’m hoping this will be my last one.
Wish me strength,