Nobody even cares how you earn once they see your lifestyle. Like fr I have seen it people worship money and power.
Look at the influencers, many of them were caught in trafficking in Noida but since they are rich, nobody gives a damn.
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Today also I screwed up man 
. I have some problem
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What problem are you facing?
I am enranged myself.
Someone said procrastination is a response to childhood trauma.
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Idk tbh. A kind of like fear getting over my body with so many deadlines and all. My brain constantly wants to go to an escape mode. Anxiety in one world ig
Then I must say everyone has experienced childhood trauma in some way or the other.
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Absolutely 
Our lifeās are going parallel to each other it seems like wtf 
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Today 4 hrs. Not good but a decent start . I dont have that much hope in moving forward but its also good in another angle. Hope create expectations. You can fully focus on work regardless of your result.
Feeling hopeless but having neutral emotion is a superpower.
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I perform best when I am sad. When I am happy I loose to comfort. So may be itās fate, until I get rich, my melancholic solitude will remain.
Itās a curse or a boon idk, but yeah when I am sad my performance in academics rise above skies.
Itās different for you, right?
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Actually no tbh. Idk u might be able to relate it. For me when I am sad but have hope , I turn into a beast .
I am kinda semi productive when happy. Things screw up when I have no hope in moving forward. But now I am learning to fight without hope.
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I know right, the path forward isnāt sure of where it will go. I am really not sure either.
You need to decide on your priority whether M.Tech or GATE, I guess. If you really can clear Gate, might you feel worthy.
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The thing is both are 2 different direction. I mean subject wise. I am getting a constant thoughts whether I could take ugc net instead of gate.
Ugc net is in par with the Mtech syllabus so I believe that makes things easier.
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In either case, you have time to give GATE since UGC requires a Masterās & Ph.d is preferable mostly
Btw as per my professor becoming a professor is a life of chill. He teaches 4 classes, and then has whole library to himself with books & resources. Also he bought a new bike & moved. (He used to be inspiring tbh that even I once considered becoming a professor)
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There were some changes that happened recently. Like those who are studying for Mtech can still write UGC. That was not the case earlier.
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Thatās a very good decision by the government.
So, whatās stopping you? If you clear it, in any case, it just prepares u to be flexible . U can go for a job, or transition to teaching. Win win.
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Well. There a problem. My parents are not much interested in research and all. I know its my decision because its me who is doing these stuffs but u know desi parents are like that.
They say its worse than gate and all.
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Idk if I should say I agree but yeah itās all subjective
My parents donāt let me sell Momos even though the side wala guy earns lakhs. 
They see it on basis of their perceived value of the job rather than the actual value.
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If you are fully focused on research or teaching , UGC is better. Otherwise Gate. Also its tough to get a job associated with research compared to GATE.
Like if u get a good GATE score , chances are high u get into a psu but not the case for ugc. But once u get a job from ugc associated with research its value is much higher than GATE.
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I have no idea on this but choose whichever you donāt regret choosing even if you loose.
Just searched, these doesnāt seem like permanent job? The JRF and RA?
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But JRF do have a chance to get into a permanent job if your performance is good enough. But again its just a chance.
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So many odds indeed, but you can also become a professor.
lol, I got confused myself. 
Btw why donāt u try a fellowship abroad, in a country which knows the importance of research.
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Tbh I dont like being a professor. Iāll probably take it to meet my financial needs till I get a job associated with research.
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