Hi! Am Parikshit (21 M). Out of all difficult things in my life, journalising has been one. It’s not that I never wanted to write or …(some excuse I could put up). It’s because I am really emotionally unstable. I feel drained to recall things that happened in my day to day life.
Never the less, this time I would try to jot down them. But I would like to state the reasons for my journalising or else I would stop it with some excuse.
I want to have an accountability on myself
I want to flush out my emotions in my diary. Living with them have really made me unstable.
I would appreciate friends in my journey with whom I can relate and have conversations with.
Guilt and shame probably didn’t allow me to write my journal. Relapses after relapses…I was tired. I didn’t feel like to write or even merely express myself.
Today I remained busy watching India vs England match. What a match it was!!! I honestly didn’t feel that we would win and that too by a mark of 100 runs. But the exceptional play by our players created magic on field and made the impossible happen.
Though, I think… I should take some lessons from the approach of our team. I do have a very bad habit of procrastinating things or even worse accepting defeats when even minor problems arise. It requires a courageous and brave heart to accept challenges and fight. Let the results just remain results. Fighting has it’s own fun.
Next plan of action:
I have already wasted/procrastinated a month. I need to get back to my preparation asap. I will prepare the routine by tonight and start implementing from tomorrow onwards.
This pains me to see that I have written my diary more than two weeks ago. Not that I didn’t feel to write but I couldn’t. All due to constant relapses and even the inability to cross Day 2 mark. What wrongs have I done? Preferably nothing. Yet I don’t know what happens just when the urges hit. I become a mad man. Running to get that dopamine and serotonin rush no matter what. Even if costs me my health and happiness. I sometimes seem to question my existence.
Ah!!! I don’t know when I will get a respite from all of this. God provide me strength.
Yaa. I also thought about it. But trust me bro am in such bad condition that even it seems I don’t wanna commit to something.
In past, I have tried, promised and did many pledges. Nothing worked. Now would again a commitment paper or why I want to do paper help me?
I don’t know.
Still I would try to prepare a sheet.