Arrietty (27f), Daily Log - Porn is in the mind

It’s so rough today, I had a relapse and I am so lost. I feel dirty all of a sudden as if I am not what I am and someone else has taken over me. I have been a masturbator since I was 9 I think and now it’s a full blown obsession.

I abhor myself and my qualities.

Rough day today.

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You will get it when you fall you stand up as a stronger person. Mistakes are human but we can learn about it :smiley:

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What you think, you become!

It’s the bad quality you should abhore not yourself.
Distinguish your pure and pious nature from the acquired bad qualities. They are not the same things.

Think positive, keep replacing bad thoughts with good one.

Be busy, find some interesting tasks and mission in your life, work towards them.
Keep improving.

Keep in mind you have the great potential!
Make the best out of your present moment.

We are here to win…
Cheers

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So today I have been thinking why does porn become so comforting?

I think it’s like an internal embrace of sorts. Probably a way to get affection intensely via imagination without the worries actual investment costs. Or probably it’s just a simply remedy to stress. Who knows…I keep worrying if I will find anyone and now masturbation seems a relief. As if an alternative. I wonder why.

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I feel like every addiction, porn and masturbation are ways of escaping the reality. Finding a moment of solace from the stressful real world. Unfortunately some of us get sucked into this so much that we eventually start losing touch of real life itself and live in a distorted reality of sorts.

One thing I’ve noticed is that before I started trying NoFap I always wondered about this and it impacted my mental health significantly. I always thought of sex as the ultimate goal in life. But now I feel it might be the exact opposite thing. Our carnal urges are the ones which might be getting in the way of achieving success and that sex is just one of the things you can enjoy in life, but not the sole goal.

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Absolutely. To be and find honest companionship at this stage seems to be the ultimate goal. But if you are not healthy yourself, you cannot attract someone like that.“And hurt people, hurt people” as someone wrote on reddit once, is pretty accurate. So I am just hoping to rid myself of these fallacies one by one, and hopefully become a better person.

Furthermore, in the offchance that nobody turns up and I do end up alone, I want to end up alone with a version that I love and respect myself. It’s so slow and hard. Oftentimes people say things that destroys my morale and I have to keep reminding that I am in the journey and not at the destination. It’s just the shame that really weighs me down sometimes. I cannot even look myself at the mirror most days. Just hoping with time it becomes better.

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