1ST OFFICIAL DAY
We’ll I guess this is my official 1st day of trying no PMO. The P and the M isnt bad but the O really make me feel guilty. always and then I fall into a deep cycle of regret and shame. I alrd dont have self esteem and PMO makes it more terrible with the added guilt.
Anyways, I’m hoping to document and post everyday to keep track of my progress and if I relapse. I figured if my progress or relapse is tangible to one of my 5 senses then maybe I can really feel how terrible this addiction is. To me although it’s not like substance abuse but the fact that the highs I get is produced by my own body and I have access to it 24 hours is really scary. without me knowing I’m actually abusing myself. I hope I can really stop all the PMO and esp the M and tell myself ‘even if I have a bad day, as long as I dont masturbate then it’s still ok’. Thank you
Welcome to the forum @Aries2797
Hope you have a good time here and find your way out from PMO.
Trust me, all 3 are equally bad.
Starting a diary is a good step. Reflect on your work, day, habits etc over here.
All the best buddy!
O is a result of P&M ,so PM are the culprits.
Nice, make sure you improve and do productive work daily.
All the best for your journey ahead!!
Explain me how P and M are not bad
I was a severe ■■■■ addict still I have arguments that P & M both are bad. P is not only bad but also bad for the society. P increases sex trafficking.
We are watching ■■■■ ( prn). To fulfill our pleasure, producers need more models or actresses. They start sex trafficking. They kidnap innocent adult girls. Most of the actress you see in ■■■■ videos are there because of some kind of sex trafficking or bond signs or contract. They have to tell in exit interview that ■■■■ is a good thing, sex gives them happiness, they love masturbation, they love blwjb , they love dck , masturbation increased social skills, you need to fap daily, etc.
All these are sold to you only to stick to ■■■■ again and again.
I think you are completely new to nofap.
When I say P and M is not bad I meant to me as in my experience. Is said O is the tipping point as that’s when I ejaculate. Yes M is bad such as edging but i find that sometimes when distracted I can not think about ■■■■. Anything I say or post is my experience and I dont touch on any topics that is out of my jurisdiction. I know that PMO has a widely adverse negative effects on society but that is not a topic i am familiar with and I will refrain from touching on it until I have enough knowledge for that side of the PMO problems. For now this is just a diary and my thought that I want to express.
Keep it up. Express all your feelings.
This gives more insights.
We are here to tackle our own problems faced at our own levels. Everyone here is at different levels of addiction.
Before cleaning the whole world, cleansing starts from ourselves first.
MON 29/5/2023 2:48 PM
24 Hrs Done
Yay. I managed to obstain from PMO for a whole 24 hours. Do I feel good? No. But is it a good thing? Absolutely. When you tried to obstain from PMO for a week then relapsed yesterday morning still high on the O the took a shower and officially quitting PMO by downloading apps to helps, the effects can be a shock to the body.
I have been noticing myself using PMO to destress whenever smth bad happens since before I was 12 and still uncut. And now at 26 I have come to terms that yes I am an addict. Not just because of searching, downloading, discovering, making files and arranging P not necessarily in that order. But because I feel compelled to do them even when I dont want to. Last week when I was watching I ask myself ‘Why are u doing this? U don’t actually want to’ so I close the tab and then? 5 mins later I opened a new one because I feel like it’s a normal thing to do which is not. Not to mention the high and buzz I get from watching them.
Curiosity kills the cat. Cliche but actually true. When I was a kid it was JO to hot cartoon guys, then moved to actual P then when that buzz is gone moved to Str8 P and after 15 or so years the nrw buzz is ero novel or stories online. It doesnt stop, it just gets worse. And the urge- that feeling as if ur a ticking time bomb, more so manhood feels like a ticking timebomb sending signals of wanting to be touched.
Moreover, as a PMO addict, moderation is not the answer. Let’s face it, that’s how it was triggered. First it’s saying you will just browse some P, then moved to watching one, then you suddenly realized you just spent the whole 3 hours of finding new P to watch and save them.
I think I will stop here now. So far today has been good. Didnt even have any urges-YET. Hoping to get till tomorrow. Thank you
TUES 30/5/2023 12:17 PM
Hi. I made it to my 2nd day. Let me tell you how it was when I woke up this morning. It was a rainy day and where I’m from that good since it’s been a hot week or month. And the first thing I always do is check on my phone for noti. What I would usually do is check on noti for my soc meds esp soc meds with P acc that I’m following to get the new P daily. Then, I would go to my laptop and check back the P I watched the day before and search for newer P. But today I didn’t do those things.
I didn’t have the urge for PMO yet. It was more so of the bad habits of PMO that I have been training my brain to think it’s a normal habit. So this morning, esp in the morning when your thoughts are still hazy and you’re half awake. That’s when like everything is on auto pilot. I tunred on my laptop and check my noti but I find myself just closing the noti back and when I turned on my laptop I just went to youtube or now I only have youtube tab open and not another P tab to alternate it with. Now I’m changing that habit. Was it hard no but the compelling feeling to watch P is still there. Or the very least to sneak a peek.
Now it’s almost lunch time and it took about 2 hours for the urges to sink in. Now I’m having flashbacks and thoughts of M and how it felt. Also when I go watch youtube vids of my fav youtuber that I have a crush on I have those horny thoughts. Plus, I am actually easily irritated this morning. Found myself annoyed at a youtube vid for how the creator pace it’s narration and speed. Weirdly enough getting annoyed or frustrated seems to distract myself from thinking about PMO and focus on whatever stuff that I’m annoyed at.
Also, usually I go to twitter for my news and update on the games I played and sometimes there are acc that I followed that have P or someone I followed retweets P. And what I did? Go to the 3 dots and either mute or ‘not interested in this tweet’ them. Regardless if it’s to avoid PMO, doing so also helps to avert my energy to be spent on post that I dont like and use it on the things I like. So far is it a good day not really but as long as I dont masturbate it’s okay. So far the side effects I have are headaches and maybe almost panic attacks and anxiety clearly as the result of all the supressed emotions and thoughts I have but I used to ‘deal’ with them by PMO. Untill here for today unless I feel like writing again at night. Thank you.
WED 31/5/2023 2:48 PM
I made it till the 3rd day. Woke up this morning actually aware of my usual bad habit of watching P but I did not. Got up and watch youtube for my daily entertainment news. Also went on my twitter and then there was a pic of shirtless guys. That would have turned me on but instead of doing the usual finding out the guys name and whether he had any more ‘■■■■’ pics I stopped and just scrolled back to other posts on there. It’s so easy to say no when you’re not in that state where u M and your brain is filled with lust. Had my lunch and then cleaned the bathroom and vaccum my room. Also I started to turn off any noti from P accounts that I follow on twitter. This recovery means a lot to me and I wouldn’t want to jeopardize it.
Last night I spent watching NoFap vids on youtube and all the benefits and experiences those ppl had with it. Most are already over the 30 days threshhold but it still gives me hope. What I did agree with the vid was how we were programming oursleves to go from P to P until we found our fav that makes us increase the dopamine or ‘instant gratification’ from P which is unhealthy. I’m just really glad I am not in that state anymore and I’m sure the withdrawal symtptoms will come but I have 3 nofaps apps on my phone to get me through them.
Also besides the PMO, it’ also worse when there’s FOMO too. For me the thought of missing out on new P and erotic novels almost tempt me to start M. That’s when I started to turn off all the noti. One of the way the person talked about dealing with P is to make it invisible or in other word ‘out of sight, out of mind’.
Whoa whoa whoa wait a minute!!!
Are you male or a female?
Im a male but im not straight
Okay. Thanks for that info
THURS 1/6/2023 10:05 AM
We have arrived in June. For this entry it won’t be lengthy but I was so scared when I woke up this morning. Last night I had a dream that I M to P and I lost my 3 day streak and I creamed in my undies. It honestly felt so real and I have been having these type of dream since the 2nd day. Woke up this morning and I’m so glad that I didnt actually do it coz it felt so real that I was scared.
Also today the urges came quickly and flashes of dirty thought and past P arises. Almost lost it to temptation but I managed to hinder the thoughts and urges by following the instruction of the app to just notice the app and let it go away. Also more of turning off the noti for acc I followed. I have so much it’s amazing my phone isnt glitching yet.
FRI 2/6/2023 12:16AAPM
5TH DAY MAYBE
Okay so this is the fifth day. Woke up feeling very horny and having very strong sexual urges. I know I left this info out but yesterday I had very weird physical pains especially on my left arm, neck and legs. Twitching also happens but not at the same time . Makes sense it’s my left arm since that arm is the one I use to JO usually. But also I left it out coz I have a hiatal hernia and so panic attacks and nerve problems is a regular thing but having pain on my arms is new.
But maybe it is the dopamine withdrawal because I notice I usually feel good whenever I watch P. And I used P to distract me from my hernia but I think my hernia could also be coz of my PMO habit. Ppl say that IBS problems has no relation to withdrawal but I notice when I am high or ‘buzz’ on P, there’s a lot of tensing up muscles and constricting stomach. Esp for me coz I usually watch P in bed on my lappy and usually find myself bending down and nearing my face closer to the screens wo me knowing.
NoFap might not relate to IBS but I feel like what we did during PMO had with the tensing of the stomach as I mentioned. When u touch ur nips and get that feeling dont u tense ur muscle or stomach? Imaging tensing it for hours coz of P. Yes I have hernia but I notice that my IBS prob werent bad when I first got it and used PMO untill last Sat. Also, I’ve never had other medical issues beside stomach probs and all the time I was actually on PMO everyday. Previously all my med prob was related to my stomach and all the while I was still doing PMO everyday.
I am also not saying IBS is associated with withdrawal but I think the withdrawal responsd to some physical and biological aspect of our own body and the response to the recovery. Each to their own as they say. Currently I am feeling very terrible. I feel jittery and worrying if the symptoms is coz of this or my hernia. Also having very sexual dream and thoughts. I can feel how as the physical symptoms get worse the thought to watch P and M is nearing but I wont do it. This isn’t about streaks or making nofap my identity but this is about how I have come to term that yes, I am a compulsive M and a PMO addict and when I accept that about myself I feel grounded more. Until here for today.
SAT 3/6/2023 8:43PM
Yay 6th day. I honestly have no motivation today. Yes I went to the hosp to get my meds and then to the shopping mall with my parents for groceries. When I returned home. I thought I would play mobile games but I was just so uninterested and I just want to watch youtube vids. I guess I just feel lazy and ‘meh’ today. And also a hint of annoyance at almost everything lol.
SUN 4/6/2023 9:34 PM
So it’s been one week since I started this journey abstaining from PMO especially M and tonight I went and open my DS twitter acc for P. No, I did not mast, I just scroll through some of the accs I follow and turned off the notification for them and I just observe them briefly then I close it. I didn’t take out jr and beat off. Questions popped into my head like ‘did I like this?’ or ‘you use to watch this everyday?’. I didnt have any excitement at all, just remembering the state I was in and where I am now.
I do still have urges but because I dont M my head is clear and I can subjectively assess what I am seeing. And it makes me remember the question that made me wanna quit the last time I watched a P last week, ‘You dont even want to watch this, but you cant stop cant you?’ I’m glad that today I actually managed to not PMO for a whole week.
Also, I am mostly at home, alone, in my room. The previous ver of me would have use those times for PMO but for a week I managed to control myself even when alone to not PMO. It’s not serving any purpose in my life. Was there hardships in the one week? Yes, like I said. The immediate withdrawal symptoms I experienced and is still having. But because I can feel them through my 5 senses, it’s like a reminder that I am an addict and I have a problem with PMO.
Also my dreams have been very sexual. It shocked me but hasnt come to a point that made me cmu yet by itself. But, for once I am actually proud of myself for not PMO for a week and not actively seeking Pron by actually searching for them, esp not mstbing at all. I didnt go back to my old patterns like before. I am still not that great but also at least a bit better than I was last week.
Here’s to another week of PMO recovery.