@aprilsadmirer's Journey to Freedom

DAY 2

Well it’s been 2 days, I’ve had some urges, times of stress where my first involuntary thought was to go and find some PMO relief, and In the past I would have…but this time it was different! Because of my conviction and this app and community, I made the right choice. I found motivation from all the stories I’ve read on here and I instead got some stuff done that I had been procrastinating on. It felt like really good, I know I’m not over this but already this time is different :blush::pray:

A very special thank you to my brother @dammy8 which answered my prayers and reached out to me and is walking this out with me. His videos have been a huge inspiration to me and is the reason I have had a sudden change of mind regarding my way of life.

Id like to share a quote from the first video he sent me, the preacher said something so simple but profound:

“Does your life shine in the darkness?”

Mine didn’t or hasn’t for a long time. I was totally comfortable in the midst of darkness, even though I am a “child of light” still I was not dispelling the darkness… but now I’m starting to see a small dim flame which is growing everyday. I pray for anyone who is living in the dark, blind and not knowing it, devoid of all light and real love that they would see the Light of the world, the One whose Life shined in the darkness and it could not overcome it. (See John 1)

Thank you all for being my inspiration and motivation and my fellow laborers in this journey! WE CAN DO THIS!!!
:pray::blush::raised_hands::muscle:

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Welcome on board! :+1:

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Thanks @FlowForCourage

DAY 3

Urges are real. I’m on day 3 the urges got a bit stronger. Even still, my renewed commitment held strong and I have not relapsed yet. I’m no fool though, I know there’s always potential for one, I’m very on-guard right now. I have had that little voice inside saying “you’re so stressed, you know if you just looked youd feel better” but I knew it was a lie. I won’t feel better… I would feel awful and depressed and its simply not worth it. Today now I’m starting to feel more like myself, more connected to others, to my wife. I almost had some slip ups though. For me being a foot guy, social media is a pitfall – so much so that I’m considering cutting off all of it, especially Facebook until I get thru this and reboot. The ads on Facebook seem almost geared towards foot fetishist, seriously :roll_eyes: everywhere you look feeeeet. There’s so many comments pointing this out too. So I gotta guard my eyes on there. I have scrolled past successfully whereas before I would have PMOed most likely.

I’m still fighting, I leave you with this inspiration from scripture :slightly_smiling_face:

Now therefore, listen to me, my children;
Pay attention to the words of my mouth: Do not let your heart turn aside to her ways, Do not stray into her paths; For she has cast down many wounded, And all who were slain by her were strong men. Her house is the way to hell, Descending to the chambers of death. -Proverbs 7:24-27

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DAY 5

Urges are definitely calling to me, but I refuse to even hear them! I am steadfast and determined to keep my eyes focused, my hands clean, and my heart guarded. No more secrets, no more lies. I will have nothing to do with that former darkness I once cherished! I have a new focus Christ, and a new goal, to let my life shine His glory in the midst of this dark world. I can do all things through Him :muscle:
He gives me my strength, He alone is my Rock and my refuge from this billowing waves of urges, I cast down those thoughts that try and exalt themselves above the knowledge of Christ!

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DAY 6

today is day six of my new life. I am feeling more like myself than ever before. happy life, super productive at work, getting along better with my family and feeling closer to God. I am hooked on this Freedom and I see PMO as an unappealing detour from this main highway I’m on now. that’s not too say I haven’t had strong urges, I was triggered really bad while out and about yesterday but unlike before where I would have PMOed later because of what I saw I didn’t I stopped looked away and thanked God for the strength to overcome. then I looked at my beautiful wife and the urge vanished. thank you all for being motivation to keep moving forward and not to stop and look back at my old life.

This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh. - Galatians 5:16

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DAY 10

So far so good! Urges are there but breathing and discipline helps. I am still holding strong. Been focused on the things of God and others. Helping at work and getting a ton of stuff done!

I do have a quick confession, Scrolling thru Facebook I saw that one of my old crushes was a friend suggestion she was really gorgeous in high school but she never knew me :rofl: anyway I hit accept fully knowing in the back of my head that I wanted to see her photos once she accepted and then I immediately felt the grieving of the Spirit and the conviction that this is Satan’s trap to pull me back into PMO. That wicked life that wants to break free after staying quiet an do remembered I don’t want to live in the darkness any more I want my life to shine :heart: so I clicked cancel and removed the notification because I don’t want to go back. I told God I’m sorry and I found tremendous joy in overcoming what was surely meant to ensnare me.

I have realized how much I have had not been faithful in my heart to my wife and we have been so close lately so much more connected I didn’t want to lose that connection. I said to myself “no more secrets. Nothing hidden” that life that wants to cover-up was trying to show back up but I showed it some light!!

Galatians 5:16

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You took the right decision. Such decisions are going to build you brick by brick.

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DAY 14

Today was hard, I have to admit I was tempted more than once BUT I never gave in. :pray::raised_hands::relieved: I got to keep this new habit going for as long as I can, I can feel the urges leaving me daily. this fight will be won. got up early today and got stuff done :blush: felt great but I’m exhausted now. going to get some good sleep tonight.

Keep focused on the Lord!

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You are doing great. Keep climbing.

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2 weeks! Your mindset is strong enough to quit definitely this addiction.

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@Aanand_vijay and @FlowForCourage

Thank you brothers. I am so encouraged by this community!

“I am not going back, I’m moving ahead. I’m here to declare to you my past is over.” In Christ all things are made new, surrendered my life to Christ I’m moving, moving forward"

https://youtu.be/eQBjXG2B-_I

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DAY 16

Brothers almost every aspect of life is better!

I’m killing it at my job even showing leadership among my peers. My marriage is solid and I feel extremely attracted to my wife, she’s absolutely gorgeous to me now :star_struck: where before I compared her to the other women :pensive:

I am closer to God :pray: I’ve confessed all my secret sins and repented of them absolutely determined to never return to my vomit again. I’ve made a covenant with my eyes not to look up the unclean things. But to be separate and to live a new life that Christ gave me when I was saved. Shout out to my brother @dammy8 for reaching out and being my accountability partner, we chat daily and he’s helping me see how free Jesus Christ makes us.

I’ve had some strong urges, social media has been a battle, but even when I am tempted I smile and realize this never had nearly as much power over me as I thought It did. :muscle:

Things I’ve learned from this journey:

Be fed up! Every time you give in, you slip further down the pit you’re desperately trying to climb out of. Every time you watch videos you are creating slaves, you the viewer, the actors and the producer. All slaves to sin. You are not a slave to sin. You don’t have to give in. God always gives you a way out and YOU choose not to take it. I’ve chosen to always look for it and flee!

Be on guard every day. Guard your eyes :eyes: and you’ll guard your heart. Don’t let yourself indulge. Think of all the users on here trying to be free, and you want to go back? Never.

Stay strong

Galatians 5:16

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Hold on your happiness, test of faith begins when you are comfortable.

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Day 18

Today was a good day. Tackled a challenging problem at work and did not give up until I solved it. I had several moments when I was down and upset and would have went to PMO. But I DIDN’T I held strong because of this community and because I’m determinedto live my new life! Day 18 man that still blows me away.

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This is the good mindset! Keep doing :slight_smile:

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Day 19

Today I am truly feeling free :heart: I cannot explain the difference hardly. I am more focused at work and killing it, solving what I would have considered before almost impossible tasks daily. :nerd_face: I am closer to my wife and more connected to her than ever before. :heart_eyes: She gets more and more beautiful every day to me. :eyes: I wake up better, feeling excited and not groggy. :bed: Been getting up earlier too naturally.

I have had major triggers though, I’ve had to resist the urges, and at times they were overwhelming… but they eventually subside and vanish as quickly as they came. These opportunities that were almost perfect and seemed geared towards making me fail, should’ve won by all means but they DIDN’T! :muscle: I know they would have before sent me running back to PMO but not now!

I have a new revelation, a new set of eyes now. I have been crucified with Christ. When He died, I died. :latin_cross: Victory is through Jesus Christ. This old me that I despised at times and loved at other times is DEAD! I saw that yesterday, it’s as if God Himself opened my eyes to this reality!! :star_struck:

Galatians 5:16 is coming true for me. I am walking in the Spirit, and I am NOT fulfilling the lust of my flesh! Praise Jesus!! :latin_cross::raised_hands::pray::smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

Brothers Jesus loves you, He wants to see you out of this prison. He was nailed to that cross to kill all of these struggles and sin. He did it for YOU. Even if you don’t believe, I do. And I believe and know that He is setting me free when I could not do it myself. We were never meant to do it ourselves. Trust in God. Pray to Jesus and ask to be free.

"And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.”
-John 8:32

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@aprilsadmirer great diary! :smiley:

DAY 25

Well I blew it. I knew I shouldn’t have but I did anyway…I had been fighting these urges so well, I became proud of how easy this was and then bam it slew me. I had alarms going off in my head saying STOP! I should have reached for this app and prayed and looked for the way of escape but I did not. Not this time.

READ AT YOUR OWN RISK

I was scrolling thru Facebook honestly not looking for anything, just checking on this crazy election and there it was, the ad that made me fall. It was if it was almost made for me. The most perfect pair of feet I’ve seen in an ad. I did scroll past it and try to suppress the urge. But then I thought it’s just one image I can handle it and scrolled back up. But that “one image” brought back all the other images and mind began to wonder and I should have stopped it…but I didn’t. See how many chances I had to win?? I won’t lie. I can’t. I decided to just edge but not blow my load. It felt amazing like a thousand times better than it used to, but you know what? I got too close to the edge. I tried to cheat the system, but my body just let it all go, couldn’t stop it. And I won’t lie. It felt amazing sooo much better than I remember BUT I felt immediately terrible, ashamed, exhausted and depressed. And now thanks to the chaser effect it’s a literal battle to not just go back to my old ways. Pray for me brothers. I’m sorry I failed you all.

Back to day 1 :weary:

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I dont think bro, that ad made you fall, plz go back in your memory and meditate were you searching for something exciting and that ad become just the perfect hook to hang your coat, i mean truth is the best weapon in this journey.
Truth can set us free.

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