Anatomy of a relapse, before during and after

#1

Hi.

I only started my Nofap journey 3 days ago and have read how common it is for someone to relapse. This made me wonder whether a relapse could be deconstructed, so that it could better understood and avoided. I do find it inspiring that despite so many who do relapse and fail, they do not quit - instead aim to do better and start immediately instead of wallowing in self-pity and regret. I think it is safe to say, unless you quit you have not really failed.

When someone says they have relapsed, I want to know what they went through before the relapse, did they intentionally weaken their resolve(fear of success, etc), what they tried to avoid it, why they could not hold out any more, if the enjoyment during a relapse was less than the previous time and how they felt afterwards? I started this topic, because if something positive can come from a relapse, it could help the next person to go a little further and so on. Me included. I have never been strong on will-power, I kind of expect I too will relapse, but till then I am going to take it one day at a time and work towards my own goal of 90 days.

In my situation, fapping was a way of dealing with stress and anxiety. It was short-lived, but for that brief time I was calm again. But I have come to realise that my addiction to PMO has affected me in ways I never considered and it is hurting me. What makes it worse is that I did this to myself and I had no idea of the harm. Had it not been for the negative effects of PMO that started to escalate within me, I don’t think I would be here now. But if this leads me to being a better version of myself, I am all for it.

Thats it from me. Thanks guys.

Have NoFap Day :wink:
Kurt (663784)

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#2

@jtr If you want to learn about relapses then I highly recommend you journal, it doesn’t have to be every little mundane thing everyday but writing down why you relapse is really useful to your future self. Also reading peoples diaries on here is really useful because you can learn from their mistakes and successes, just make sure you don’t judge yourself by their standard. We are all on our own journey but we are not alone, don’t become lost in other people’s negativity. For me honest introspection is what gives me strength, it’s not about punishing yourself with shame and guilt. This type of thinking quickly becomes more harmful than helpful, instead treat it like meditation. Don’t make a judgement of the thoughts, just be aware of them and let them be as you use your directing mind to push your wandering mind to more healthy thoughts.

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#3

Hi!
This is a good idea!
When i’m near a relapse i feel my addicted self already opening “some” pages and the NoPMO part yelling NOOO.
When i relapse, for me it doesn’t feel great at all. Even when i’m relapsing. Just the bad side hopes i will. But i don’t. After a relapse i’m mega angry at myself and at the sametime I think what have i become.
So yea, it ain’t good. And if you wanna train your willpower even tho i believe that you have it a lot, you can check the topic “How do you fight PMO?” I have written a trick over there and the comments have some great tips for fighting urges. You can also check @donkeykong diary he has a great list of warning, danger and destruction signs for people.
Hope i helped!
And never never ever say you don’t have the willpower to win this addiction. If a cat can climb a tree, he also can come down from it.

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#4

The PMO habit is very powerful. If you can somehow even manage to go for a month without it. Your own mind will trick you to get back in thr habit in many ways.
You will experience yourself how hard is it to breakfree from this habit of pleasuring yourself.

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#5

@Veritas312 @Twirlapse Thank you both for your advice and suggestions. You’ve given me lots to think about. I’m only in the early days and haven’t had any strong urges yet. The calm before the storm?

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#6

Maybe, or you can be lucky and have a flatline.