Am i human. Who am i? Who's looking at me in the mirror?

so i just wanted to say
I’m a porn addict for years… I’m also a hentai addict ( cartoons anime etc )
I’m on this journey to find out why i watch and do what i do.
why i watch specific videos where the guy is in control and the women is an object
why am i watching these things is it for entertainment or something more
i have watched every category there is even things that are immoral and forbidden
for porn side it could be family tabbo
and for hentai side it could go as far as
(if you don’t know what is it means :underage:
look :eyes: I’m sorry to myself and my body for the things i have done but i want to know where this started and why did i become like this.
all i ask is for support
i want to recover and to feel the warmth of the sun again.

i have cried many times out of pain and frustration of failing. i thought about takin my life many times thinking that at least i won’t watch it or see it again…
I’m a Christian and God has done a lot for me… i came a long way from depression and suicidal thoughts
i hate when people think I’m perfect
This is my first post
Thank you for the support I’m ready for the journey

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Dude we’ve all been there, we all had set backs, we all did watched something , which was not supposed to be, for pleasure. Things were screwed, but until you take action on it. We are here for you. Be strong :muscle: and start your journey.

PS : Don’t get into much of the graphic detail, as most of the reader here are newbies and the sense of curiosity might leads to relapse.

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Thanks bro i ready to see where this journey takes me.

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Welcome to the community man, we are all here in a similar boat. We came to this place because we don’t know how we got this far and how we went so beyond our morals. We don’t recognize ourselves in the mirror anymore. We don’t know what we’ve become.

That is a noble path you are taking though man, not many can readily say that there is something wrong with the direction their life is taking them in regards to porn use.

I personally haven’t dealt with hentai addiction, but just like everyone else here, we are all addicted to porn.

I have also thought quite a bit about taking my own life at certain points. Things just looked so hopeless. I was living in complete contradiction to who I was and what I believed in as a Christian as well.

But there is a light at the end of the tunnel man! You made a good decision downloading this app. The community here is somewhat small, but it’s lively and attentive. There are several of us who have escaped this addiction and are here to support others. I am currently on Day 85 of no PMO (porn, masturbation, orgasm). It has been an amazing journey, lots of pits and roadblocks, but I have finally made it. This is the highest I have ever gone. I use to be someone who couldn’t go 2-3 days without relapsing.

Join a challenge on this forum and I think it will take you great places and will help to teach you how to beat this. My recommendation is the “Hero’s 90 Day Challenge” hosted by our brother @Forerunner. It’s a great place to get you started. Here’s the link: https://rewirecompanion.com/t/the-heros-90-day-challenge

Don’t stop fighting bro :muscle: And if you ever need anything, don’t hesitate to message or @ me.

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Wow thank you so much… I was not expecting such levels of… Postivity.
Thank you it helps to know that your not alone and that there are others going through the same battle.
:fist: no soldier left behind thx bro

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You are not alone in this fight @GodlyAlphs1 .
You already put the first step towards a bette life by realising that PMO is a problem. Now your journey begins.
I was in your place before. I used to see those filthy cartoon videos and soon my category went to a violent category. Those are not real. If you think that’s what every women should be treated, you will never be able to see a real life women without objectifying her. Those videos are fake but these women in life are real. You will never be able to satisfy yourself with these women. You still have time to change.
Take our hand and jump abroad. This might be a long journey full of ups and down but we will survive, TOGETHER

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First of all … Welcome to the community.
Secondly, Delete that loli thing… Dont tell name of categories… some nobie might search it in Google and relapse.

Thirdly, you are not the only one who want to suicide but wait… if you are that much serious… and life is shit to you… why dont you … give your all to nofap… i mean … no if… and no but… no there… no here… no side ways… no back ways… If you know there is death in fapping… so give up all that shit… give up pleasure…
Let me tell you straight…
If you are ready to forget your dick.
That is how you can win.

The Man who is ready to give up pleasure, sex… dick… can only win.

Not even 1% here & there… 100% commitment. When you leave all sexual desire… because sex is the ultimate form of desire… You become a God… i mean … YOU ARE NOT HUMAN ANYMORE… YOU ARE JESUS HIMSELF. not even 1% less.
Love, Joy… Enlightenment… You will get more… which you didnt dreamed of.

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See the above comment.
It is extremely positive.

This man is very practical.
If u could understand.

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Bro, all it takes is that single step. Believe that you are worthy of love and that Jesus has died for all of our sins and suffering.

What do you believe to be the root cause of your addiction to porn and hentai? (I’m not judging. I’ve been there myself).

For me it was because I believed that I was unlovable. But thats not true man. Sometimes I push people away who matter the most.

Who are we to play small so that other people wont feel insecure around you? We are all meant to shine as children do. Its not just in some of us, its in everyone.
As we all let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people the permission to do so.

  • Marianne Williamson
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Your right bro my addiction comes from love and wanting to be loved…
I have some thinking to do
If my root cause it love :heart: how should i approach it or what should change

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I’ve had depression and an anxiety disorder for years man. I don’t claim to know the right way or whether I’ve lived my life “right” so far. But I try to live life without regrets (I got this from a song by Frank Sinatra - My Way) because regret is a useless emotion since you cant change the past. Only the present and future.

But what’s really helped me is learning about meditation, guided meditation on self love first of all.

Second, I got into counselling for a couple of years. What was really good for me was when I met some amazing psychologists/psychiatrists who genuinely wanted to develop a real intimacy/bond with the client.
The ones who will just be there offering a safe space for you to share about your innermost worries. I believe those people were the ones who really helped me overcome my fears - such as fear of vulnerability.

Third, I was raised as a Christian. I was isolated for like 2 years during high school. And a kind guy from a church I used to frequent (while I was still in high school), reached out to me and he genuinely wanted to help me come out of isolation. I was 18/19 at the time.
So over the next two years or so, even though I ended up straying away from my faith in the end, I kind of developed some deep bonds with one or two people from church (i’m not religious and I d’ont go anymore).

I also got to make friends here and there while I was attending church regularly for more than 2 years. From the interactions I had with other people, (church, uni, clubs, other places) I got to know myself better and better. So I developed self-confidence.

And self-confidence is not about being perfect man. Focus on your strengths. What do you like to do? What is the number one thing you want to do before you die?
Also accepting your own “perceived flaws” or limitations. And you try to overcome them.

From the book “Daring greatly: how the courage to be vulnerable transforms your life” by Brene Brown:

“Daring greatly is taken from Theodore Roosevelt’s speech on ‘Citizenship in a republic’.
Vulnerability is not about knowing victory or defeat. But its about knowing them both, accepting them and enganging them all in! It’s the Man in the arena”

Anyways, sorry for the long story. To cut a long story short, you need a support network irl even if it’s just a close friend or two man. You can’t go it alone.
Expose yourself to your fears!
Go out and make new friends and say hello! Introduce yourself.
Dont fear rejection but take them in strides (not personally).

But first, love yourself wholeheartedly.
And I also did share about my porn addiction to my bible study group back then. Most of them especially my bible study group leader (the kind dude) were really supportive. And he told me that I was courageous for sharing that.

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Thank you I’m going to start asking for help. It’s ok to ask help even if you are a man and in society terms supposed to be though thx

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I feel you. We can do this together

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Yup i get watchu mean dude. That’s what’s wrong with society dude.

Men cant do this. Its not ok for a man to show weakness.
Women cant do that. Its not ok for women to be courageous and independent.

And for Christians: "It’s not ok with having feelings, since feelings are of the earthly nature, and as born again Christians we are meant to pursue God/the Divine/ spirituality who belong in the afterlife etc.

I’d say it’s part of being human :stuck_out_tongue:

I would argue that those who think they are completely self-sufficient and independent are living under an illusion that they are making all of the efforts “to make things happen”. The Universe doesn’t work that way (imo).

Illusions such as power, money, greed. Whatever we have, we want more of, and our ego is invested in it. When we lose our money, our ego collapses, and someone commits suicide due to bankruptcy and the fall of stock trading.

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