Agantuk's New Beginning [20 M]

Journal
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21

Are you saying you Relapsed 10 times in the span of 21 hours ?

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22

@yashnofap01 not just in 21 hours. Just in 2 hours. And if I dont control myself. It has reachedā€¦though I have forgot the count. But must be near about 25 in a span of 24 hours. Can you help?

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I think this is a huge number !!

Surely I want to help. First tell me your highest streak and when you did that ?

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24

My highest streak was in 2021 (30 days). But now am not able to even complete 7 days properly. Moreover, whenever am relapsing thatā€™s counting to 10+ times. Sometimes 20 too. I am fed up bro.
Thanks for your help.

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25

Thatā€™s the bigger problem in my opinion. If someone Relapses once or twice in 4-5 days thatā€™s kind of tolerable but 10-20 times in a row is so bad.

I think you should start small. Give yourself a target of 5-6 days and then after goal completion give yourself a reward. Try to increase that time very very slowly bcz Relapse in your case is very heavy.
Try blockers, digital detox app, indulge yourself in hardest workouts so that you can drain your energy in something good.

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26

I too thinkā€¦I should do the same. I really need to give myself small goals.

Yup! But am always procrastinating. Lets see. This time I will give my bestā€¦

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27

Day 1 Check In āœ…

28

Day 2

Yesterday just before going to sleep a message popped up in the college group that we have to attend the classes today and have to submit our payment slips for this semester. As a result, the whole routine I prepared for my studies couldnā€™t get executed. I slept near about 12 after having a lot of over thinking.
I woke up at 8:30 in the morning. Quickly freshened up arranged the things needed for today. After a long interval I was going to my college.

Problem period: Even after being in such a busy schedule for today I was almost in the edge of going back to the darkness. I donā€™t know how it happened but in the morning just before going to college I just visited the sites for few minutes. It was very sudden and I hadnā€™t expected this in my Day 2. Thankfully the haste of going to college saved me and my streak.

Nowadays I am following a very simple method of controlling my access to the problematic sites. I am just exhausting my internet data before 12 noon. If anything important is required, I am just leaving 100 MB of data which can be used in emergency.

College Time: It went very well ā€¦beyond my expectations. I was super nervous about my social anxiety problem but when I reached the place, it wasnā€™t as much bothering as I thought. I returned at 2pm.

After exhausting my internet went for a nap. It was peaceful thereafter. I didnā€™t feel that slumberness. My urges were limited. Though I got a lessonā€¦I should prepare a ENTERTAINMENT list. I was busy preparing that in the evening time.
Now I will watch few episodes my recent series and sleep.

Good night! Lot of writing today :sweat_smile:

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29

Day 0

Why I do this to me every time. I choose to lose. Choose to get the best looser out of me. To be honest, reason for which I began my NoFap. I lost every damn cue of it.
Now whenever I see a naked women, I need to put hands inside my pants. Thatā€™s how loose I have become. Without even a bit :pinching_hand:of self control. All of the people here are loosing how much? 2-3 relapsed after maybe some 10+ days streak. What the hell am doing? 10+ relapses in a day.

How much begger have I become. I just need the 5 min pleasure. I donā€™t care about my future, my life, my love or even my family. I am shit man! Shit!!!

I donā€™t know when am gonna heal. But itā€™s putting me to death everyday. And I believe am nearing to one :sob:. I need help. Power. Someoneā€¦

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30

2022-10-22T02:42:00Z

To Do List

  1. Wake up before 8 :white_check_mark:
  2. Morning Walk :white_check_mark: (1km walk and then a bit stretching)
  3. Download few episodes of Sadqay Tumhare :white_check_mark:
  4. Have a conversation and pay college fees :white_check_mark:
  5. Hide the unwanted things :white_check_mark:
  6. Revamp a bit for my phone (all these during conversation) :white_check_mark:
    ** Phone Detox Starts**
  7. Write answers :white_check_mark:
  8. Watch an episode of Sadqay Tumhare :white_check_mark:
  9. Afternoon Nap :x:
  10. Evening Sirsasana :x:
  11. Health drink :white_check_mark:
  12. Write Answers part 2 :white_check_mark:
  13. Make a phone call to a friend :x:
  14. Learn the answers :x:
  15. Watch Serial :white_check_mark:

Phone Detox Ends

  1. Journal :white_check_mark:
  2. Sleep :white_check_mark: (will sleep after watching the serial)
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31

ā€œNow whenever I see a naked women, I need to put hands inside my pants.ā€

Whenever this happens just think in your mind that you live in a country where women are considered the forms of Goddesses Lakshmi and Shakti, feminine forms of energy are respected and worshipped. Even if you want to think about a womanā€™s beauty observe how beautiful her hair is , her face which has a divine aura. Never ever even in your mind think of women in any other way. Above all it is disrespectful. I dont know how old are you, but if all teenagers in our country learn this from a young age then , let alone porn and masturbation, they will not even fantasize about women ever again.

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That happens whenever I see them in digital form. Whenever am outside, am very normal. To be precise, no feelings even. But when am in my comfort zoneā€¦my homeā€¦I do that.

Am 20 right now.

Yup broā€¦ right.

And we both share the same surname too :grin:

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O nice to know :hugs::hugs::hugs:(21 charcters)