Adioz Diary 🦋

Today is my Marriage Anniversary :blush:
But
My wife is not with us… :broken_heart: :sob:
She passed away 5months ago
Due to cardiac arrest. (If I say real that’s doctor negligence)
Now I am living alone, widower. Without my wife.
I loved her more than my life but now that pain is killing me inside.
Many people told me what’s gone never return back but the feelings or time we speent together no body can take it out from inside. But time heals everything. Really now I understood how they feel who lost their loved ones. It’s worst feeling anybody would have… We can’t do anything after they gone.

Sometimes we think that someone close will understand our feelings what pain we are going through but that’s not true only 1 person can understand wife, other than nobody can feel your pain. Not even your best friend :sob:

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Happy new year brother, I hope you find peace this year

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After months of honestly at work I started struggling… Many people take advantage of our honesty. When we don’t talk back & keep silent, they raise their voices on us. They play games just to show that they are right always.
It’s been months since I joined new job but previously I don’t have any problem with my health. But since my wife passed away and stressfull work-life I can balance my private life vs office life. Stress is taking over in private life also.
I am getting migrane pains while working alone at night. And sometimes totally blank will come infront of my eyes for few seconds I forgot where I am.
I am just writing here because some other day I will read this. I can say how far I came & what I tolerated. But still going same workplace without saying a word. Why because of money… !!
Sometimes we have to adjust because of personal problems like financial issues…
I have learnt more here than I can learn from some other places. All I can say there is 99% stress 1% happiness at workplace.
If you take stress seriously like me then it will effect your body.

All I will say that there is nothing good happening in this new year. Hopeing that god is listening to me.

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In our life there are some places which reveals real identity :fingerprint: of everyone:-

  1. “when you’re broke” who are with you, those are real one friends or family anyone, they really care for you
  2. when “someone close died” many will come but very few will be with you till last to console you.
  3. the real faces comes “after the person gone” what they talk about them (statement changes), they don’t do when person is alive.
  4. when person is “in hospital” who helped you ? Those are real closest one…
  5. when you “accused false blame and police taken you to police station” who is there for you. Who bailed you those are real friends or family member. Or “in court” who patiently sit with you and fight for justice :balance_scale: those are real one

Fake people are alot but real one is rare, you’ll understand when you loose them . :disappointed_face:

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Forget others bro. Its you alone in this world. Feel yourself lucky if someone is there for you.

This is reality you need to sink in to move forward in life. First, your character matters. Do u stand for others in these situations. If yes. Then do it without expectations from others.

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:warning: NOTE:-
Please :folded_hands:t2: refrain from giving advice unless I specifically ask for it.

I don’t know from where I should start…
So it’s been 9months around I wife passed away… But the feeling of abandoned, feeling lonely… I feel like nobody’s yours all have double face if anyone is helping you there more possibility that they need something from you.
During this duration I suffered alot… Most the nights I don’t sleep at all… My appetite is low… I am started experiencing health issues… Like fatigue, dizziness, memory issue, headache like migraine… I consulted doctor he said to do tests…
I did later I got to know that all is because of low appetite and stress, grief. So I had low vitamin D and b12… Doctor gave meds but I didn’t taken all… I have this memory issue that I forget things in a day. I tried alarms but sometimes for getting sleep in night I keep it in silent mode :bell_with_slash:. So mostly I missed many times my meds. Doesn’t matter because I am fine now.
(Forget to tell you that After my wife death… It was very hard for me to accept everything, I join some support groups they helped me… That’s why I am here.)
As I had health issue so I just quit my last job because I don’t have energy to go to office also… I said that I need leave for health issues but they are not providing, due to manpower issue. I am not even getting the week off. They’s lot of pressure and work environment is not too good, obviously there is politics and blame game… I paid many times for others mistake. Even raising a voice doesn’t impact in any betterment.

There is many things in which improvement required :-

  1. Improve Appetite+drinking water (find the way how, try by self cooking)
  2. Health - Exercise :white_check_mark:
    (No PMO :cross_mark: , No Suicidal thoughts :cross_mark:)
  3. Find reason for being Happy again
    (since the day my wife gone I didn’t even laugh for a moment, I started crying/ becoming rude… when I see somebody’s laughing)
  4. Find way to get financial stability/freedom.
  5. keep the mind filled with knowledge…
    (Book reading–> keeps me motivated+knowledge gain+ habits may change)
  6. Be truthful- about relapsed (loyal to yourself) write reason why you did it(not in diary wherever you can) that way you can check out the reason
    what triggered you ?
    What you did later ? Then
    what you feel after that?
  7. Journaling
    It’s not necessary that you should do all at once but try to achieve atleast 1 point at a time. and journal for your achievement.

I may be or may not be consistent in writing journal here but I try to be honest to myself here, whenever I come I write down whatever is in my mind… NO PRESSURE
For my better clarity i wrote this…

Somebody wrote this quote - I think it is worth posting it here:-

“Don’t let ■■■■ control your thoughts. Break the shackles! Procrastination is a roundabout to failure. Be observant of each failure. Your commitment determines the new you. Time to grow up and even if you have to crawl to the finish line!”

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Over the past few days, my routine has been irregular, especially with late sleep timings and low-quality rest, which is affecting my energy, focus, and mental clarity. My mood fluctuates, often starting low (tired, foggy, irritated) and becoming normal later in the day. I’ve also been dealing with stress, mainly related to family situations and salary delays, which increases my mental pressure at times.
My appetite has been inconsistent, with low hunger during the day and occasional cravings, often linked to stress. One positive change is that my water intake is improving, although still not fully consistent. My hygiene is well maintained, which shows I can follow basic routines properly.
However, I am not consistent with exercise and reading, and my discipline is weak, with daily relapses (1–2 times or more). The biggest issue I’ve identified is that I don’t reset after slipping, which causes the cycle to continue.
At the same time, I am also avoiding reflection habits—I am not writing journaling consistently, not recording memories, not practicing gratitude, and not exploring my qualities or interests. This shows a pattern of avoiding deeper self-awareness, not just external discipline.
Even then, I’ve had some moments of awareness, where I reflected on my thoughts, emotions, and reactions, and I want to stay calm and in control instead of acting on impulses.
Overall, I understand that my main problem is not just discipline, but lack of reset and avoidance of awareness, and moving forward, my focus is to build a simple reset system after every slip, improve sleep timing, and start doing small consistent actions, including basic reflection practices, instead of expecting perfection.

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In my early 20’s I use to think that atleast I must have one GF… But for introvert person… It takes alot of courage to talk. Didn’t qualify until college times.

At that time I don’t know the actual meaning of my thought…
I always used to say myself that “I want a GF”…
Today after many years now I understood what actually god’s plans is to me understand this…
Actual meaning of

"I want a GF —
G = Grow financially :money_bag:
F = Fit physically :flexed_biceps:

They are many things now I am understanding slowly…

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I understood this many times but
This is a lesson which I ignores mostly…



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And here am i, ignorant even of the word ‘edging’.

How have you been, brother?

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Your handwriting is really cool

That’s not my handwriting… It’s downloaded material. @Awaken_one

Today I did Many things

Since yesterday I wore “Panch :hand_with_fingers_splayed:t2: Mukhi Rudraksha”… I know the meaning of this rudraksha we can’t do any sinful acts. And I wear this after prayer & cleaning process & every steps we have to take
So I completely stopped sinful act. But when it’s high on energy I may take it out… For not disrespecting it.
I experienced many things
One thing is urges are not even came to me at a single time Since I wear it
And today I was reading the book :open_book: :books:
“Hindu Astrology for beginners”
I was curious to know how actually our astrologer predict our future predictions just by one chart and some information.
I understand basic things… I will move forward slowly if the curiousity will stays longer.
I started using NotebookLM also.

I Actually Started Reading Books :books:

One book Name is “Easy Peasy”

I know Most of the people knew about this book.

I have multiple books to read some are related to addiction and some are related to personality development.

Whatever I read I am writing in a small summary

Easy peasy

Introduction

In a sea of self-improvement literature, there’s a profound category – books that have been catalysts for overcoming addictions. Pornography addiction, a prevalent modern-day struggle, has intensified with the rapid evolution of high-speed internet. Our world has transformed significantly, and many of us find ourselves here, united by a common quest for solutions to the challenges posed by excessive 𝗉𝗈𝗋𝗇 consumption.

This book has been pivotal in guiding many people away from the grip of pornography and masturbation, offering knowledge and fresh perspectives that wield significant impact.

However, let’s be clear: a book alone isn’t a magic wand. The decision to learn, gain wisdom, and, crucially, implement positive change in our lives rests with each of us.

I’ll confess that I haven’t consumed the entire book yet. Hence, I plan to unveil each chapter, accompanied by notes and reflections as I complete it.

This journey is a personal commitment to change my life. Are you also seeking the same path

DO NOT JUMP CHAPTERS
This open-source book will enable you to stop using pornography immediately, painlessly, and permanently without willpower or any sense of deprivation or sacrifice. It won’t place any judgment, embarrassment, or pressure to undergo painful measures.

In fact, there’s absolutely no need to cut down or reduce your usage whilst reading; doing so is actually detrimental.

You might be apprehensive about the very thought, or one of the millions actively attempting to quit. If so, perhaps what you’ve already read goes against everything you’ve ever been told, but ask yourself if what you’ve been told has worked. If it had, you wouldn’t be reading this book at all.

Perhaps you identify with the following questions:

Do you spend far more time viewing 𝗉𝗈𝗋𝗇 than you originally intended?
Are you unsuccessful in efforts to stop or limit your consumption of pornography?
Has time spent viewing pornography interfered with or taken precedence over personal or professional commitments, hobbies, or relationships in your life?
Do you go out of your way to keep your pornography consumption secret (e.g. deleting browser history, lying about viewing 𝗉𝗈𝗋𝗇)?
Has viewing pornography caused significant problems in intimate relationships (s)?
Do you experience a cycle of arousal and enjoyment before and during pornography consumption, followed by feelings of shame, guilt, and remorse after?
Do you spend significant amounts of time thinking about pornography, even when not watching it?
Has viewing pornography caused any other negative consequences in your personal or professional life (e.g. missed work, poor performance, neglected relationships, financial problems)?
If you’re a 𝗉𝗈𝗋𝗇 user who depends on it for masturbation or sex at all and for any reason, all you need to do is read on. If you’re here for a loved one, all you need to do is persuade them to read this book. But if unable to persuade them, read the book yourself. Understanding the method assists in getting the message across and preventing your children from starting. Don’t be fooled by the fact that they don’t have access to it now – all do before getting hooked.

Chapter 1 Introduction

• This hackbook will enable you to stop using pornography immediately, painlessly, and permanently without willpower or any sense of deprivation or sacrifice. It won’t place any judgement, embarrassment, or pressure to undergo painful measures.

• There is no need to cut down usage of ■■■■ doing it will be against the guidelines of the book because it will require will-power and easypeasy is about giving up this addiction without willpower and painlessly

• ■■■■ is easily available everywhere, thanks to the internet anyone, anybody (age doesn’t matter) can watch it.

• If you’re expecting this book to ’scare’ you into quitting with the various health issues users risk, such as sexual dysfunction (including ■■■■ induced erectile dysfunction), you’ll be sorely disappointed. Those tactics never helped me to quit and if they were going to help you, you’d have quit already.

• This is the regret of every ■■■■ addict but originally "curiosity and human nature took you there. " I wouldn’t have started, had I known I will become addicted, causing the decline of my health, happiness, and relationships. “If only I’d heard about sexual dysfunction on my first visit to that ■■■■ site!”

• Like every other ■■■■ user, you have been lured into the most sinister and subtle trap that man and nature have ever combined to devise. There’s not a person alive, whether a user themselves or not, that likes the thought of their children using ■■■■ to cope or for pleasure. This means that all addicts wish they had never started. That’s unsurprising: no one needs ■■■■ to enjoy life or cope with stress before they get hooked. But at the same time, all users wish to continue.

• After all, nobody forces us to launch our browser’s incognito mode. Whether they understand the reason or not, it’s only users that decide to knock on the doors of their online-harem (Website who host high-speed internet ■■■■). There is no magic button that you can press and wake up the next morning like you never accessed that first P*rn site.

Important Points :fire: :point_down:
• The only thing that prevents us from quitting is FEAR! Fear caused by the belief that we’ll have to survive an indeterminate period of misery, deprivation, and unsatisfied craving in order to be free from ■■■■. These spawn from irrational beliefs, both learned and acquired, such as:

Masturbation or sex leading to orgasm is the only and most important thing in life.
■■■■ is ’safer’ than real-life sex because ■■■■ can’t reject me.
■■■■ is educative and useful.
Entitlement to a ’superior’ sex experience.
More is always better.
• These irrational beliefs spawn irrational consequences when acted upon, including:

Worshipping and obsessing when a ’perfect 10/10’ is found.
Perceiving yourself as a loser if you miss out on sex, as if it’s the most important thing in the human experience.
Holding out for a perfect 10.
Being excessively judgmental and critical of prospective partners.
Forcing yourself to have sex whether you want it or not.
• It’s fear that a night all by yourself will be miserable, spent fighting uncontrollable impulses. Fear that the night before exams will be a night from hell without ■■■■. Fear that we’ll never be able to concentrate, handle stress, or be as confident without our little crutch and that our personality and character will change.

• But most of all, fear that ’once an addict, always an addict’: that we’ll never be completely free, spending the rest of our lives craving the occasional ■■■■-induced orgasm at odd times. If, as I did, you’ve already tried all the conventional ways to quit and have been through the misery and torture of the ’willpower method’, you’ll not only be affected by that fear, you’ll be convinced you can never quit.

• By every successive failure you get convinced that you will never be able to quit.

• If you feel that the time is not right for you to quit, let me assure you that your apprehension (Anxiety and fear that something bad will happen) and panic isn’t relieved by ■■■■ – it’s caused by it. You didn’t decide to fall into the ■■■■ trap, but like all traps, it’s designed to ensure that you remain trapped. Ask yourself, when you viewed those first ■■■■ pictures and videos, did you decide to come back to view them as long as you live? So when will you quit? Tomorrow? Next year? Stop kidding yourself! The trap is designed to hold you for life. Why else do you think all these other addicts don’t quit before it ’kills’ their lives?

• The warning is as follows:
This is a chicken and egg situation: every addict wants to quit and every addict can find it easy and enjoyable to quit. It’s only fear that prevents users from attempting to quit. The single greatest gain is to be rid of that fear, but you won’t be free of that fear until you complete the book. On the contrary, your fear may increase as you continue reading, which might prevent you from finishing it. Take this comment from one woman.

• You didn’t decide to fall into the trap, but be clear in your mind: you won’t escape from it unless you make the affirmative decision to do so. You may already be straining at the leash to quit, or you may be apprehensive about the very thought, but either way, please bear in mind: YOU HAVE NOTHING TO LOSE!

• Failure to understand. Don’t take anything for granted, question not only what you’re told, but your own views and what society has told you about sex, internet ■■■■, and addiction. For example, those who believe it’s just a habit, ask yourself why other habits – some of which are enjoyable – are easy to break, while a habit that feels awful, costs energy, time and virility is so difficult to break. Those that believe you enjoy ■■■■, ask yourself why other things that are infinitely more enjoyable you can take or leave. Why do you have to have ■■■■, panic setting in if you don’t?

• EasyPeasy is about to give you the knowledge on how easy and enjoyable it is to quit ■■■■. Like many others, one of my greatest triumphs in life has been escaping the ■■■■ trap. There’s no need to feel depressed, on the contrary, you’re about to accomplish something that every user on the planet would love to achieve: FREEDOM!

I don’t want the post to be hidden of my friend @Binocular & @rewire_user So I am pasting his data here. If anybody have any problem kindly DM me, I am reading his data that’s why pasting it here. The Easy Peasy Way To Quit 𝖯𝗈𝗋𝗇
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Summarization 1:

As long as you will read the book till the very end, no need to read this introduction. But here is the sumerization of what you need to know:

Reading Time: 3 minutes

  • At the beginning of the introduction, the author is conveying several key points and messages:

  • The author claims that this open-source book offers a method to stop using pornography immediately, painlessly, and permanently without relying on willpower, judgment, or sacrifice.

  • The book is introduced as a rewritten version of Allen Carr’s “EasyWay to Smoking” for pornography, and it’s free and open-source.

  • The author states that the method described in the book is described as instantaneous, equally effective for heavy and casual users, free from withdrawal pangs, requires no willpower, and is permanent.

1.1 warning

In this part of the introduction, the author is conveying the following important points:

  • The author explains that this book will not use scare tactics or health risks to persuade users to quit pornography. Instead, it offers a method that is different from conventional approaches.

  • Conventional methods, like using willpower or attempting “𝗉𝗈𝗋𝗇-diet” methods, are mentioned as ineffective because they don’t address the underlying reasons for using 𝗉𝗈𝗋𝗇.

  • The author introduces the idea that the book’s method, called “EasyPeasy,” works differently and claims that readers will find it hard to believe at first but will come to accept it by the end of the book.

  • The author challenges the misconception that people choose to watch 𝗉𝗈𝗋𝗇 and likens addiction to it to other forms of addiction like alcoholism or drug addiction.

  • The introduction highlights the fear that keeps users from quitting, primarily the fear of experiencing misery, deprivation, and unsatisfied cravings.

  • The author mentions irrational beliefs associated with 𝗉𝗈𝗋𝗇 addiction, like the belief that masturbation is the most important thing in life or that 𝗉𝗈𝗋𝗇 is “safer” than real-life sex.

  • The text argues that fear, especially the fear that “once an addict, always an addict,” is the primary reason people don’t quit 𝗉𝗈𝗋𝗇.

  • The author introduces the concept of a “magic button” that would allow users to go back in time and never access 𝗉𝗈𝗋𝗇. This is used to illustrate that most users wish they had never started.

  • The author assures readers that EasyPeasy is not magic, but it is a method that can make quitting easy and enjoyable.

  • The text emphasizes that fear is the main barrier to quitting and that readers won’t be free of that fear until they complete the book.

  • The author encourages readers to make the affirmative decision to quit and assures them that they have nothing to lose by doing so.

Finally…

In this final part of the introduction, the author concludes with the following key points:

  • The author expresses confidence that everyone can find it easy and enjoyable to quit 𝗉𝗈𝗋𝗇 by reading the rest of the book with an open mind.

  • The more you understand, the easier it will be to quit, and even if you don’t fully comprehend every word, following the instructions will make it easier.

  • The book suggests that readers won’t go through life feeling deprived or longing for 𝗉𝗈𝗋𝗇, and they may wonder why they used it for so long.

  • The author mentions that there are only two reasons for failure when using the EasyPeasy method: not following the instructions and not understanding the content.

  • Emphasis is placed on following the book’s recommendations in the correct order, without skipping chapters.

  • The book encourages readers to question their own views and societal beliefs about sex, internet 𝗉𝗈𝗋𝗇, and addiction, fostering a deeper understanding of the issues.

  • EasyPeasy is positioned as a source of knowledge that makes quitting 𝗉𝗈𝗋𝗇 easy and enjoyable.

  • The author suggests that escaping the 𝗉𝗈𝗋𝗇 trap is a significant accomplishment and emphasizes the sense of freedom that readers can achieve.

  • The author reiterates the importance of not skipping chapters.

1.2 Tips for reading and final minor notes

In this section, the author provides some tips and additional information:

  • The book is relatively short and can be finished in a couple of hours, so it’s recommended to read it multiple times to fully grasp the lessons.

  • The author suggests that highlighting or taking notes can be beneficial during the reading process.

  • The author explains why this book is referred to as a “hackbook” and clarifies that Allen Carr’s work inspired it but emphasizes that it’s unique and not meant to replace Carr’s methods.

  • It’s stated that there are communities related to the hackbook, but the recommendation is to explore them after finishing the book.

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ANCIENT JAPANESE CODES THAT BUILT UNBREAKABLE MEN.



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After so much struggle from last year after my wife passed away, finally I took courage to go to psychiatrist, I said my symptoms… She diagnosed it and said that I am going through deep Depression… Don’t worry, Complete the course and you’ll be alright
She prescribed me meds … I didn’t said anything to my parents they will think I got mental or I may do sucide but that’s not true.
I went only because my mind isn’t working properly than normal human brain.
I hope the meds which prescribed will help me and I will get better results After many sleepless nights.

Btw I am having memory issue so I my forget so I am keeping it in my journal.

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Hey Adioz, therapy is the best thing you can do if dealing with these things.

Even more than this, I would suggest travelling to places alone. Like visit himachal, assam, etc alone. It really helps. Don’t believe me, try it and find out

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