Itās been a while I thought I should stop being a loser. But every single time for me it takes lot of courage to speak out here and feel ashamed of admitting that I am failing everyday. Even when I know what should I do.
I donāt know whether itās an excuse or something else but I always need someone to talk to or having a support or a partner either for any of my hobbies. If someone wasnāt there I feel like Its impossible to get into my habit for long term.
I have a lot of books 
to read. But donāt have time.
I have Dumbbell 10kgs set but not have enough energy to lift it up tried many times. I have resistance band to workout.
But consistency is an issue either in workout or being clean for longer days without relapse in doing masturbation.
I want to declutter things from my room but whenever I have off day I always have some other work to do. Either grocery shopping or some pending task in parents list. And when I get back home I feel like I should sleep because itās my day off.
Sometimes I watch webseries to have entertainment, or talk to my fiancƩe (most of the time goes there, worthless conversation).
Donāt understand how I can make my life better without hurting anyone.
Honestly I need my āMee Timeā. But itās very hard to ask others to give me some space to have peace of mind.
Hope next week will be better
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After a long time I stared work out at home. I know I have to be consistent. But thatās the issue I need something which gives me motivation or some spark every day which arises my aggressive nature which helps me to boost my mood to workout.
Today I was listening 
a song 
This song is sad but touches to my heart from deep bottom.
Later that aggressive nature arises and I started working out.
But timing was wrong at the time of dinner I started working out. 
If anyone have playlist of these kind songs please DM me or do chat with me. I will appreciate your valuable time to help me. 
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