About family and pmo

General Discussion
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Hi Brothers,

I’d like to ask you all about how you handle your family and pmo.
In my case, I never told them about my addiction even though it started when I was only 11(35 now). I opened up and discussed my situation only with trustworthy close friends.

Today, I had an awful experience. It was a very nice day and almost my whole family was together. This was the first time I met with my younger brother’s third child. She is just a few weeks old. So you see, every one was happy. At one point when I was in the garden my father walk by me and just casually told me, that he don’t beleive I will ever bring home a woman. He don’t beleive in me to be able to find one anymore. I told him, that his lack of faith does not effect my chances and I don’t need him to beleive in me, I need only my own faith. Later it was visible that he realised how his words were hurtful and he tried to joke it away. I didn’t went with it. I simply acted normal and tried to enjoy the company of my whole family. I’m glad that noone else was there and heard our short conversation. I know that my mother would have been furios about it. I don’t want that. It doesn’t worth it.

Sometimes I think that if my father would have cared more about me, I wouldn’t turn out like this. I was the neglected middle child. I always handled my feelings in myself, alone. I never wanted any pity or great emotional gatherings, just a bit more fatherly education. I was always forgiving with him, because I know he had it even worse with his dad. But damn, I feel like he tried to crash my soul today and I feel like he was almost able to. I almost think that I should just shout into his face how fucked up my life was with pmo all these time and he didn’t even realised or was there to help, ever. But I don’t want to hurt him. I know full well that I’m a man already and my life is my responsibility.

All in all, my question is, how do you guys handle your family? Did you told them? How did they handled you after it if you told them?

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Hey bro.
I like the way you handled the situation with your father youve done well. Also I like that you enjoy family gatherings and embrace the moments. Thats a good sign that you are not as damaged as you think. There is still hope for you and one day you will bring a girl home. In my country they say the longer it takes the more blissful it is. So cheer up your girl is gonna be the best mom the best wife and the best friend.

As for me Im actually away from my country and family I live alone and I struggle from loneliness and boredom alot. But I have never told my family about any of this and I am not willing too. I fail to see how this would help me since Im away from them anyway.

In my opinion, not telling anyone about it is better this addiction is not easy to beat and we will fail many times before we succeed in it. So Id rather keep it a secret even if I succeed I will never talk about this dark habit again.

Remember: work hard in silence let success make the noise.

Good luck.

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I never told my family about PMO and I am planning not to. I want to keep it a secret forever to my family.

I almost teared up when I read this line. How many damn times I have thought the same…

I have some issues with my father as well. His words are like needles and those needles pierce my heart while he speaks to me. So much disappointment towards me, like I made him shameful to the whole world. Despite what I did, how many achievements I bring, he may congratulate me at the moment, but deep inside he still feels I am not enough.

Every single time we speak he only have to pick up my mistakes, how incorrectly I did something.
Because of that, I became over self conscious and lacked confidence for a long time.

But alas what can be done…he himself is an addict to Alcohol, smoking, tobacco…what advice could he have given to me…
He’s his already suffering so much, so he always poured that hate towards me…his disappointment in himself, he reflected it towards me…

So my brother @Duran , I have been an addict since 11 myself. But I am younger than you…but just remember this…become a parent that you wished you got.
Everyone has their time for marriage. You will find that girl, but to maintain a sane family is a responsibility people often forget. Having and raising a child, lot of people do that…but being there for that child physically and mentally is a thing lot of people forget…

So whenever your times comes, be the best husband and dad for your family!!

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Hey bro, you don’t have to tell anyone, unless you feel you want to.
I personally didn’t tell anyone except my brother, we became close recently, he’s supportive. Other than him, I don’t think it would benefit me telling others, or idk I’m not comfortable sharing this with them.

But if you have someone supportive, compassion , that would be enough in my opinion

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Brother let me tell you one thing ,might be a family member or a close friend or anyone important might have not done right to you ,neglected you didn’t support you, fought with you or left you and yes they were wrong.

But as humans we always look for things to blame our situation, that’s human nature we feel little better when we say to ourselves "it’s because of this certain relationship or a life episode I am like the way I am " so that we don’t have to take the responsibility of the situation, we get a small dopemine hit when we do that.

Now you can “BLAME” all you want to these people who hurt you, weren’t there for you and have created these problems for you but are they “RESPONSIBLE” for it should they come and solve your problem that they created well technically yes but that’s not how life works

Take an example if you find a helpless baby on your door step what will you do ,well any normal person would take him in care for him try to find his/her parents if not atleast will get him to a safe place ,call the police right ,was the baby left alone there your fault NO but did you take responsibility of him yes

That’s what happens in life bro at times things get messed up and sometimes it’s not your fault its someone else’s fault but is it your “Responsibility”?Damn yes it’s your responsibility ! to take steps and care for yourself and do things that will improve your current situation

I know life might not be the way you thought but every change starts by taking ownership of your problems no matter they were created by you or due to someone else’s action

"So first thing is stop blaming people even though you might have valid reasons to do so take ownership stop sobbing who was to blame and take action as what now ok ,like “because of so and so this is the situation but I’ll make so and so changes so that it improves my current situation you getting what I am trying to say”

Answering your questions No I didn’t tell my family I didn’t tell my wife cause bottom line it’s embarrassing.
I might have told my dad but now he is not well and has his own age problems so I don’t want to trouble him I’ll never tell my wife cause it might hurt her but that’s my call some people say sharing with family helps some say don’t share it cause it might ruin your relationship so it’s totally your call think deep and go with your gut feeling but before that start trying to quit with complete ownership first

I am here if you need anymore advice

Your brother in this struggle

Take care

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Better to ask this to your wife

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Hey Brother, I might have not been clear in my wording, but I’ve written this in my post:

So thank you for your concern, but this is something I was already aware. I just wanted to make it clear, how I felt at the moment. I totally agree that as an adult, my life is my responsibility. This is why my answer was that his words does not effect my results anymore. It just hurts my feelings.
The whole point of my question was to get some idea how these situations are handled by others in the same situation as me. I wish to know, learn ways to handle it better.

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Sure brother didn’t catch that line there my bad hope you figure it out like I told you go with your gut feeling it’s majority of the Times right

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@raushan I’m not sure if you meant to send this reply into this topic. It seems quite unrelated to this conversation.

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Sorry my mistake. will delete it.

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Yo bro after reading all this I can tell you something. a father is a person who constantly struggles to earn for his family. I learned one thing. Whatever your father tells you he is saying all that for our benefit. In your case he is telling his son that he is not happy about his son’s life. He cares about you.And you thinking that he doesn’t love you took it another way. Now this is deep.
Pmo makes you defensive . You can’t listen anything about the mess you have made of your life.
A father is not mother he has to be strict and strong. He can’t just say “oh my lovely son I am so feared about your life and I am so sad and angry from you .”
Father has a special ego which is natural.
I will not say much , it’s all your decision. But your parents always thinks about their children .
Sorry if it hurts you

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Proverbs 28:13

13 He that covereth his sins shall not prosper: but whoso confesseth and forsaketh them shall have mercy.

that was casually said by your father, you took it seriously…

its was your choice to do pmo… dont blame your father…

see… i didnt told my father or mother…he already knew it because how lazy i was… one time he got angry on me and asked me if i had any bad habit… so i got which bad habit he was talking about… and i didnt answer because he was angry at that time…

i was just a kid when they knew …so they handled it differently… it would be different in your case…

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