A2:EB's Diary [18 M] - Daily updates

Hello everyone,

I thought it was about time that I created a diary, so I can vent my thoughts, and so you guys and girls can learn from my mistakes, so you don’t have to make them yourself. Feel free to ask any questions you want to ask, and to tell any stories you want to tell. The more the merrier.
I aim to post an update on here at least once a day, especially with all the free time I have right now.

If you need any help, you can also ask me here, or you can always PM me.

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Day 10
Tuesday, 16th of June - 15:40

I have been feeling down on energy since yesterday. This is partially down to suboptimal sleeping patterns, and partially down to lack of purpose at the moment. After having done nothing productive the entire day yesterday, only playing video games, I decided to go and work out today. This morning, I was trying to think to myself, and trying to tell myself what I was going to do today, but I did not have the energy to merely talk to myself. This was even after having a cold shower and having eaten. This is probably the flatline kicking in at day 10. I did go outside, and I did a workout, but I didn’t have very much energy at all. I did about a quarter of what I would normally do, but I did do my daily exercises that my fysiotherapist told me to do. After exercising, I feel a bit better. Need to have another shower though.

Another issue that has been plaguing me for the past few days is that I haven’t had a big appetite at all, causing me to miss my daily calorie goal. I am trying to gain weight, and need to eat around 2600 calories a day, but that has proven to be difficult the past few days.

I am glad that I can get to work for a few days a week from tomorrow onwards, so I’ll have something to do. I think this will help my energy levels return to normal.

That’s it for now,
I’m off to get a shower now and to eat some more.

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Day 11
Wednesday, 17th of June - 19:02

Hi again,
Last night, I had a sexual thought spring into my head, and I got so angry at it. This was my brain trying to get its dopamine fix. I jumped out of bed and did 10 push-ups. Still there. I did another 10 push-ups. Still there. I did a few pull-ups. It was fading a bit. I opened my window and breathed in the fresh air, and watched my thoughts. The image was slowly fading, and I went back to bed and prayed. I am not religious by definition, but I felt that it helped me in the moment. It helped me to be able to say and visualise what I am trying to achieve and what I need to do to achieve it. I slept well, and woke up with energy. No nightfall, and no relapse.
This morning, I felt great and could easily get out of bed. I went to the toilet and had a cold shower, so far so good. Then I wanted to have breakfast, but my brain said no. I had no appetite, and I started to feel nauseous. I ate 1.5 sandwiches, which I guess is okay, but it’s not nearly enough for my daily calorie goal I need to gain some weight. I’ve had this feeling before, and it was because I was nervous, this time because I was going back to work for the first time this year, where I have quite a big responsibility. The previous time this happened, it was because I was obsessed with this one girl, and couldn’t stop thinking about her. Work went quite alright, and it was nice to be outside and active again, and to meet the people at work again. On the way home, I felt such a strong sexual energy flowing through me, it was unlike anything I had experienced before. I must be careful not to fall into the trap of lust, as it is always lurking, but especially now. I guess this is part of the hormones rebalancing themselves because of my recovery. Now that I’ve eaten and gone to work, I feel fine again.

I still need to eat 1200 calories today, and I’ve had dinner already, so I’d better get on with my eating.

Thanks for reading :slight_smile:

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I’m happy you started your own diary! It’s always refreshing to read your writings.

I’ve never was a wheather-obsessed person who blames it for everything but I have to tell you that in the last couple days I didn’t have my usual appetite, neither. It has been raining a lot here and I feel sleepier, slower and I get tired more easily… I’m not sure about what’s the wheather case in your country but I think it might be similar and there’s a possibility that it affects our bodies…

I also noticed that when there was a big change in the wheather I had more intense urges and so did a couple of my companions and some of them even relapsed. I think it’d be worth checking the sciencific datas on this for myself.

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It’s been very stuffy lately. Warm and high moisture in the air. I don’t mind rain at all, actually. I love it when it rains when I’m in bed. I often leave my window open to hear the rain and fall asleep to it. I guess this has to do with ASMR (brain/body tingles by sounds), but it’s not on-demand, so it stays special. I guess it’s the same with porn/sex. Because it’s special, it’s much more relaxing and the tingles are very intense at times. It’s a bonus when it happens, not the norm. Some people don’t feel it at all, but I’m glad that I do.

It was quite hot today, especially when working outside, on the water, which reflects even more sunlight into your face, but now it’s raining and the cooling effect is amazing. It’s my favourite weather. Rain and thunder after it’s been very warm

It would definitely be interesting to see some research done into the weather and the mental state of people.

Thank you :hugs::hugs:
You should write more in your diary. Always love reading it. :slight_smile:

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Short one for today. It’s 23:50 already.

Day 12
Thursday, 18th of June - 23:50

This morning, I went running, sticking to my promise of doing the hardest thing first. I haven’t gone running in a month, so the beginning felt tough, but afterwards it became better. “The first mile is a lie”, they say. Afterwards one of my friends came around to bring me a belated birthday present. It was a calendar with pictures of farmer’s girls, posing half-naked in fields or barns. I thought it was a funny gift, even though it doesn’t exactly align with nofap. My friend knows about me doing nofap, but I don’t think it was given with bad intentions at all. I won’t exactly be hanging it up in my room, but I will be keeping it. Interestingly, the pictures didn’t even arouse me too much. I just found the women to be cheap bags, and not very appealing to me.

The rest of the day, I played racing games. I had a few good races, and afterwards, I played online party games with my friends. We had a fun time, and I feel that the day was concluded nicely, though I could have spent the time in the afternoon more wisely. I also didn’t do my exercises I need to do for my shoulders. I’ll do them double tomorrow. Once in the morning, once in the afternoon.

That’s it.
I’m 240 calories short of my goal today, but that’s partially due to not having much food in the house.

Take care all of you :slight_smile:

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Day 13 (day 14 starts at 10:30)
Saturday, 20th of June - 8:17

Yesterday morning, around 5:30, I almost had a wet dream. I stopped myself and woke up, fortunately, nothing had come out, so no mess.

I had a relatively unproductive day, but I did do my required exercises, and perform my nail care routine. I also only played video games after dinner, which was my promise to myself. I didn’t enjoy it very much though, because my friends weren’t online.

This morning, when I woke up, I was having fantasies about girls I know, but I told myself: “did they consent to this?” and the answer was “no!”. Therefore it is morally wrong to fantasise about them. Another RC user posted this tip, for which I want to thank them.

Today I’ve got work, so let’s see how that goes.

I also need a haircut, because my hairdresser isn’t very good, so it’s already fallen out of shape a few weeks later. I need a new hairdresser.

Just a quick recap of yesterday, thanks for reading.

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Day 15
Sunday, 21st of June - 23:34

Today and yesterday felt really good. I worked, went outside and went for a walk with my dad. I had an urge this morning, but I said no to it. I’ve been having sexual dreams since I’ve been chatting with my friends more. It always ends up in a conversation about pornstar this, nudes this, feet that, etc.

This isn’t a long-term solution, and it’s not viable for me to stay up this late, chatting about this stuff with friends. I need to set a bed time, and stick to it. I was feeling great, but now I don’t anymore. I need to limit my computer usage.

Tomorrow, I want to go jogging again, and continue learning how to design sketch, with which I started this morning.

That’s all for now.
Take care all of you :slight_smile:

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Day 20
Friday, 26th of June

Inspired by @_TIGER, I will be making a daily checklist of my own. I might add to this list later on.

:x: Sleep 9 hours
:x: Workout / Running
:x: Low phone usage (twice a day)
:white_check_mark: No social media / YouTube
:x: Calorie goal reached (2327/2650 cals)
:x: Protein goal reached (105/130 grams)
:white_check_mark: Cold shower
:x: Healthy sleep schedule (to bed before 22:30). No, 23:45.
:white_check_mark: Go outside
:x: Drawing

I’ll do my best to update this every day.

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Report of the last few days;

Saturday:
Had work, was exhausted at the end of the day, but only went to bed at 23:30.

Sunday:
Woke up with little energy, feeling down.
After visiting my dad and going outside with him, I felt amazing. Workout smashed. Full of energy.

Monday:
A little bit low energy again, went to bed too late because I stayed downstairs watching TV. Workout was okay, but a bit low-energy. Monday is an easy workout in my schedule.

Tuesday (today):
Feel okay, went to bed at 22:45 last night. Still too late, but getting better. I want to go to bed at 22:00, like I used to. Supposed to go running today, but my hip muscles are hurting a lot, and even walking hurts, so that’ll have to be for another time.

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I sadly relapsed two days ago.
Nothing much to say other than that I’ll keep going strong.

I would advise you guys to watch this video

Take care!

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