Well I am back , it’s been over a year since I left this forum. Firstly very happy to see some old friends still active on this forum.
So how my past year has been ?? well my ■■■■ addiction was in control at the start. I went on no ■■■■ streak of 100 days and it was at most ok but painful and very depressing experience for most of the part. It revealed how much I had wasted my life and what kind of boring person I had become. Literally having 0 social life , loneliness is tough . Just like a needy person I used to call my friends most of the evenings, most of them answered. But the thing is since nothing was going on in my life the conversation use to get boring as I had nothing to discuss.
So after the 100days streak I was back to watching ■■■■ , though not daily but like once every week but I masturbated almost everyday. While watching ■■■■ I understood how much bad it is , totally fake and nasty.
Only after 100 days of abstinence I truly realized ■■■■ is nothing short of a potent drug. It made me sad that I had been drugged since I was 12 years old. I have lived my life unconsciously . What a shame and what a waste of life.
Funnily I have been masturbating everyday since I was 21 and I am currently 25 . Masturbation is my coping mechanism for anxiety . Ooh if I don’t masturbate my life gets so dull , I get irritated and also feel like jumping out of the balcony just for the thrill.
Even funnier is the thing that if I masturbate only for almost 2 secs I feel good, afterwards it is just pain. Pain in my brain, penis , balls , lower body .
Your boy is living life in so much of pain.
Very interesting scenario-
So, here is the deal. I am like a person who is living in his own world alone on an island. His brain is so messed up and negative that he has started to believe in misanthropy ( distaste in human life) .
Also , he has a toy with which he plays. This toy gives him happiness in small doses ,surely the only thing giving him happiness on that lonely island. But lately he realized that this toy is cursed, this toy is keeping him on the island.
He tried to get rid of the toy but the haunted toy keeps coming back to the boy. And sadly there is storm in the ocean which surrounds the island discouraging him from thinking even to escape. Moment of truth has come for the hero to throw the damn toy away and start building a strong canoe which can take him away from the god forsaken island to the mainland where he can meet other people. Live a normal life.
He endures pain and build a canoe and starts sailing. He endures the storm and is now in the middle of the ocean where the wind is calmer. He looks around, the island is still in sight but the mainland is nowhere in sight. He realizes it is going to be a long journey .
He starts to contemplate if the journey is even worth it (who knows for how much time he has to endure pain to reach the mainland). He forgets how much painful his existence was at the island, he starts to miss the toy which had given him pleasure. He opens his bag and looks at the toy. Starts staring at it. He knows if he plays with it, he will be transported back to the island. He keeps staring.
The boy plays with it and is back at the island.
Not at all worth it . The storm still surrounds him and he doesn’t have canoe. He realizes he made a mistake. But since he had crossed the storm he knows he can do it again . Since he had endured that pain , he can do it.
He starts building the canoe again , in his mind he knows that he has to endure unknown amount of pain for unknown amount of days but one thing is sure this is the last time he has to do it. He understands that the cursed toy will be with him for who knows how many days. He knows he can play with the toy and led the rest of his life in lies. But truth is important in life and I deserve to live the truth .
I have decided to deflect the thoughts of even touching the toy let alone play with the cursed toy .
Here to truly live the life.
