How are doing bro? I have read few more diaries since I joined but since THIS is the first diary that I read, I am kinda attached to it. 
Hope you are doing well…
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Hi Dimash,
I am doing ok. I had viral 2 days back, so I am recovering from that.
I am on day 8 hard mode. Got to say the strong urges come and I have to just let them pass by. Specially when one is sick , they have a lot of free time and are not in a good mood so the temptation is high.
I am planning to not masturbate and watch ■■■■ for 30 days first. Let my brain reset.
I got to know that you relapsed in between, be strong my friend .I hope we will together complete this journey. I wish I could give you any advice that would help you , but it turns out I myself am struggling.
Anyways how are you ?
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I am doing well. Nice to see you back on track with 8 days addiction-free. I believe you’ll complete your mission 
Take care
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Day 14,April 9.
Hopefully recovered from viral. Last whole week sucked because of the viral and project load at the office. Urges were extremely strong but I managed to overcome them.
Finally today I met an old college friend , he has just completed his first year of MBA. I am still stuck at my old job. This sucks , I realised how much I was involved in the instant gratification , watching ■■■■ that I sacrificed my dreams .
But this time I have got a feeling that I will finish 30 days of NO PMO.
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Day 20 , April 16.
10 more days to go and I will complete 30 days of no PMO.
In the last week because of the workload I didn’t have time to think about PMO.
Also I watched Starwar films(all the 6 movies) in the last week . The series gave me a Jedi perspective wherein one should not be attached to anything physical or abstract as in any emotions.
This principle helped me understand how I should overcome urges and why I should give up ■■■■ and masturbation.
It’s going to be a way of living if I want to progress in life.
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I haven’t watched star wars. Can you recommend from where should I start? There are so many parts (more than 6) when I checked online. Which 6 did you watch?
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Hi,
I watched star wars episode 4,5,6 and then 1,2,3.
4,5,6 were shot before 1980s and 1,2,3 were shot in 1999- 2005 period.
An advice , you might find 4,5,6 little obsolete because of the CGI and video shooting technology during that time, it has little lame action scenes. Just fast-forward through the action scenes.
I watched it because it is very famous and had many references and Darth Vader is claimed to be legendary character.
The characters, the plot and the concept are nice.
In 4,5,6 you will see an evil Darth Vader turning into a good person and in 1,2,3 you will see how a young
good Anakin Skywalker turned into an evil Darth Vader because he broke the codes of the Jedi and was seduced by the darkside of the force.
This shows how much the life values are important and how breaking those will lead one to the path of misery and constant suffering.
Personally I understood that seduction or addiction to anything/ person is surely going to get us doomed. One needs to be balanced everytime.
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Day 23, April 18,2023
Almost relapsed today. I was checking instagram after a long time and I came across a seductive post from one of the girls from my office.
I somehow controlled myself and went to the gym. Prior to going to the gym I was sure that today I am going to relapse but after going to the gym I feel normal.
I am proud of myself and this streak keeps me going. I need to take one day at a time. Since I was sick for the last 10 days , this streak was only thing keeping me sane.
I felt that if I relapse then I will have to wait for 23 days to come back to this stage, I am really sick of starting from the beginning and I want to experience this no fap first hand.
I want to see the end of this night , check out what life has got in store on the other side.
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Proud of you brother. You’ve come a long way.
A little unsolicited advice, get rid of insta for good bro. I check insta once a month. I’d install it, reply to any messages and then delete the app again.
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Hi brother. Thanks a lot for your kind words. You have been a constant supporter and a guiding star in my journey.
Last time when I had relapsed you spotted that I was going through chaser effect .Before that I didn’t know what it was.
Yes I have blocked insta on my personal devices, I have the access on office laptop. Since I cannot block it on the office laptop I sometimes slip.
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Day 31 , April 27,2023
Finally completed 31 days of no fap.
Frankly speaking, days suck because I have not recovered yet from the sickness, I do a little office work since a project has just got completed so it’s chill at work and I watch tv series most of the time because I don’t feel like/ have energy to do anything productive. Didn’t go to the gym in last 20 days. Didn’t study anything for a month.
On a low dopamine state, dont feel like doing anything. Brain urges to fap but I have learned to ignore them. If I fap then everything will become meaningless.
Basically last 30 days were all about doing nothing neither fapping nor doing anything productive.
It’s been a zero sum game for me but it is worth mentioning what I have realised in the last 30 days -
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Improved clarity- it’s like I have got pulled out of the Matrix and can think about things clearly. Including the ways in which I had self sabotaged my life. Identifying toxic and genuine people in my life.
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Understanding addiction - my brain was using PMO to appease the stress. Anytime anything stressful happens my first instinct used to be to freak out and masturbate. But now a days I just observe those emotions , not gonna lie things depresses me since I am not working on changing much.
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Ease in communicating with strangers and females - This aspect has improved by a lot, earlier I had a difficulty in this aspect, while talking to a girl , I used to be afraid that I would do or say something weird plus the dirty thoughts going on in my brain used to terrify me. Now all that has gone I can communicate well with girls of all age groups👍.
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Most probably nobody is satisfied and its meant to be that way - Everybody is in the pursuit of happiness / oxytocin - > watching YouTube videos, crushing or flirting with others , licking bosses or company’s ass, debating about politics of all sorts. Everybody has gotten a poison. Mine was the worst- ■■■■.
I feel that the last 30 days were successful , I abstained from PMO.
Moving forward I have decided to start building good habits and finding the right poison.
Abstaining from ■■■■ stays on , about masturbation I have a feeling I should abstain, but it truly sucks.I don’t know if I can completly abstain. Maybe I can search for a healthy way of masturbating - frequency and purpose wise ( I understand I cannot masturbate to calm my stress, other wise it will happen more often. I should be random). Need to take advise from a health professional on this topic.
My goal from this challenge is to become mentally and physically healthy and normal . To learn the tools and technique to stay normal.
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You can. Definitely.
I do not believe masturbation is healthy. Our bodies are designed for intimacy with another person, not our hands. Anything else wires our brains for sexual dysfunction, and can lead to physical health issues too.
Sadly doctors are behind the times on this, just like they were with smoking cigarettes. I went to therapy about PMO addiction and all my therapist said was Maybe you can do it less. I was already doing it less than the average person.
Good to see you completed a full month clean. Keep going. This new month you will bring in positive and productive habits and activities too.
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Thanks a lot for your advice. I will keep that in mind. I plan on developing good habits in the next 30 days and sticking to them will be my goal.
Also regarding masturbation, I feel that I still donot believe myself that I can abstain for 60 more days. Maybe I should take it day by day. Then it is manageable.I should think that way.
Believe in yourself brother.
The only difference between a month and three months is time. There isn’t anything preventing you from continuing besides the mental barriers you place in your way. The body has no need to masturbate. It’s not like eating or drinking where you can’t go without doing them for an extended period. You don’t need to abuse yourself anymore.
60 days more is simply repeat what has been working and expand upon it with good habits. You can do this.
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April 30 , day0
Relapsed today , I couldn’t take shit in life anymore.
Ratings came out in the job they were not upto expectations. Plus had an argument with my father and sister. Everything was shit in April. Since I was ill couldnt go to the gym , spent majority of time at house and at office with shitty coworkers.
There isn’t anything giving me joy, just constant suffering going on in life. I absolutely hate my life.
I promise myself once the good days start I will hold onto that and never take anything for granted.For now nothing is going my way , my career is suffering , my love life is null having no history and all my friends are gone, having arguments with family members and health is also shit.
I feel that relapse was necessary it kind of reset everything. I am able to think properly.
I need a strong comeback in life.
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Take care of yourself Buddy 
Drink more water Try Nofap And most important Quit quitting You didn’t failed till now even if you relapsed You fail when you quit Nofap completely and go along with ■■■■:trident: its never late to start again even from the scrap Keep going We are watching you
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Day 0 , May 16, 2023.
I am back after 15 days of continuous relapses. Just made me realise how much this community and no fap journey is important.
Restarting again. Next 24 hrs I won’t relapse.
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I have a similar story bro - a series of relapses after a long streak. Gonna start putting my life in order once again.
PMO erodes willpower. I remember how driven I used to be when I was abstinent from PMO.
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Yes man me too. I didn’t realise how good my will power and mood was in general. Though there was a slight uneasiness when I was no fap. But now I feel like a zoombie, with no will power and prevalent depression. I feel that my brain has got fried.
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Day 1, 19 May 2023
Feeling great. Restarting my no fap journey.
From tomorrow onwards I will be meditating and exercising daily. I will be switching off youtube and google chrome. I will be using safe browser on mobile.
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