A Monks Journal - 2023 ( I left but now I am back)

Journal
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42

You will become a better person by practicing no fap. Getting a girlfriend is on you.

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43

Yep, I have buddies here that I’m in constant touch with. I don’t wanna disappoint them by relapsing, so that’s a major motivation. We push each other to be better

44

Ooh nice, can I also be your companion ? Can we stay in touch ? How old are you btw ?

45

Sure, I’m 28.
My sharing code: 33ff84

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47

Day 29

Today was rest day at the gym , so I completed reading section from Manhattan 5 lb book. Revising vocab words is still remaining.

Also I am planning to start No Fap hard core mode from day after tomorrow. Till then I will find out the rules that I need to follow on the hard core mode and also need to prepare myself to battle this monsters.

I don’t have the power/ability to remain alone on my own , metaphorically speaking, though I interact with my family member it’s not candid like one talks to firends. All of this boredom is especially triggering for me and cause me to masturbate.

Also I get bored with my schedule which I follow throughout the week , I feel as if I loose energy and don’t feel much happy so as to stick with my schedule therefore I am planning to add some fun days in my week which includes watching a movie or hanging out with friends or going out to eat something junk. Also for each day I am adding a sitcom 20 min episode that I can watch while eating.

Some fun is necessary or else I will fall off the hustle.

The plan is to not surrender to masturbation.

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48

Day 30

I will be resetting my streak today at midnight. Then onwards the following will be the guidelines which I will follow for the next 30 days , Marc 23,2022.

  1. Porn: all types
  2. Searching for explicit content on YouTube and models on Google images.
  3. No instagram or Facebook , any kind of social media.
  4. Fantasizing about porn
  5. Reading erotic content
  6. No masturbation or touching yourself.

Also -

  1. Meditation every day, I looked into the pattern , missing meditation was Early warning indicator that I was going to relapse.

  2. Gym to release the residual energy in the body.

  3. Daily journalling on this thread.
    With mentioning of this quote at the beginning of everyday.

“I can’t trust my brain in this journey , I need to trust the process and let my brain heal.”

Last time I was able to pull of 20 days this time I should be able to reach 30 days but life stinks at times and I lose my control.

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49

I just told a guy that it’s a lie we tell ourselves. It’s always under our control until we give it away. It boils down to making a choice. We’re always tempted to take the easy route instead of the right one.

When the going gets tough in your upcoming fight, take a step back and look at your predicament from a third person perspective. Understand your situation and then make the right call.

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50

I will keep this in mind.

51

Day 0, 22 hrs

“I can’t trust my brain in this journey , I need to trust the process and let my brain heal.”

Super good , had a good workout at the gym and completed GRE words.

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52

Day 1, 21 hrs

"I can’t trust my brain in this journey , I need to trust the process and let my brain heal.”

Doing good, went for a bicycle ride.

Yet to study for GRE.

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53

Day 2 ,20 hrs

"I can’t trust my brain in this journey , I need to trust the process and let my brain heal.”

Had a shoulder day , nice workout today.

Got strong urges during afternoon, but somehow managed them.

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54

Day 0

Relapsed today , watched porn and masturbated.

Restarting again.

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55

Hey man, don’t give up.

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56

Thanks a lot. Somedays it gets too difficult, all the stress and anxiety.

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57

Feels nice and encouraging to hear that someone is out there rooting for me.

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58

Yo bro! Twice in a day!? You’re struggling with chaser effect. You need to snap out of it bro!

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59

I just joined the app and read the entire thread. It motivated me so much because I could relate to so many things. For eg: you said that when you don’t meditate, there is a higher chance of relapse. I have been feeling the same thing. Many of your patterns were similar to my pattern. You are quite articulate and vulnerable while expressing what you feel. I like that.

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60

Restarting my Journey.

God give me strength.

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61

All the best for the new journey! I am starting one as well after many weeks of failed attempt

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62

All the best brother. Good to know that you found value from my journey.

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