Hi, everyone, I am in my longest streak 86 days, uff I never though I was gonna last so long, I’m very proud of myself, I have gained a lot of clarity ever since. But I haven’t being able to get or completely feel all the benefits, due to a certain problem that started a week after my latest abstinence period.
After a few visits to various doctors I was diagnose with a macular edema, a condition that in simple terms make me enable to watch anything properly or engage in any physical activities, in addition I apoerently have another condition in my ears that hasn’t being determined yet, but it makes my ears super sensitive to sound, causing pain and making me unable to fully understand words. Right now I’m able to write this because one of my eyes has start it to stabilize but I don’t know how long is going to last it already happened before and just lasted a few days.
In resume I had being having terrible headaches and other annoying pains ever since, I haven’t been able to fully rest either because since my ears are sensitive I’m always in an alert state.
I cannot due exercises because in under medications and cannot meditate also because of my ears (it makes me unable to ignore the physical world).
Its really hard for me and my brain is in a sniper more since day 80 waiting for a moment to trigger and shoot the bullet to make go back to the vicious cycle (this comes from an analogy I read a few days ago) is really annoying and being so close to accomplish my 90 days challenge.
Right now I’m just confuse if I wasn’t sick I could have engaged in many activities like working at the gym, escalating in new types of meditations, making tones of draws, I’m pretty at those based in various opinions, wrote some stories (something new I haven’t totally embrace) and maybe being able to hang out with my friends without changing my mood as it usually happens.
It has being a sad, raging, confusing, annoying and painful journey, mostly because this sickness had makes me unable to reach my biggest potential, I have all this energy contain and ready to exploit and I cannot use it.
I have high hopes when I reach my 90 day, but other than that idk how this journey its gonna end, I just hope that one day I’m able to demonstrate to the world that I exist and to myself that my life its worth to be live it (I already know that, but I want to really feel it).
Anyway that’s all I hope that vision stays cool to maybe point my progress after day 90 day, I hope you all encounter what you were searching for.
You’re almost there brother. But remember 90 days is just the reboot, this journey is forever. You never want to be in the cycle again do you? Porn will only cause you more stress on top of the stress you already have.
I am sorry to hear about all the problems you are facing. But trust me, masturbation is not the answer to the stress. You must fight through this, eventually it will pass. Things will get better for you, and you will be proud knowing that you did not resort to pornography. Knowing that you faced it yourself and you can live life to it’s fullest. Goodluck, and may God bless you.
sorry to read what you are going through man. Stay strong, just remember that PMO is a false solution to problems that can be solved otherwise. Take care.
Where are you from?
And also, what do you eat during the day? Do you eat a lot of unhealthy, processed artificial foods?
In my opinion 90% of all health related issues are due to wrong nutrition and lifestyle.
Since your symptoms seem to be brain related, especially the high pitched resonance that you perceive, do you live close to a strong electromagnetic field such as a phone/radio mast or 5g frequency mast? Receptive people have the exact symptoms that you mention.
I usually don’t eat much junk, I prefer fruits and nuts, unfurtonatlly the most recent pills I drink, makes my mouth salty, so I can’t eat too much salty or dry food, I usually eat canned food (meat and fish) sometimes for dinner mixed with vegetables with rice cookies (usually the canned food just have salt, water and not a too many conservatives). I weirdly eat junk food. I live in country where high frequency sound comes and goes randomly, but most of the time at least in my neighborhood things stay more or less silent.
(Dominican Republic).
I did it 90 days complete, well now what?
I plan to dedicate a different topic to talk about my experience, the benefits and all the things that I may had notice (I’m going to need some time I was and I’m still sick must of that time).
Putting all of that aside, I need to confess something I’m not proud about.
Yesterday I had a slip, when it was almost midnight, I was searching for some motiviational and funny stop about the nofap journey, and by mistake I went to forum of “nofap” only to see posted suggestive gig of two women, I went out of course but one of the images make a great impact in me and I ended yet in another forum I think, were they put the same girl pretty much showing all the upper part of her body and her name posted, that was enough to put me in a trance that lasted 15 minutes watching gifs of her, until I manage to pull myself together, by reading topics on reddit and fapstronouts (probably isn’t wrote like that) and I quickly close it up.
I didn’t touch myself, but I came (precum), and I ashamed of that, I knew that my brain was going to use his last trick in that day to convince to go back to the old habit, that sniper manage to shut me but he didn’t make me fall. I was going to reset my counter but the slip manage to make my resolution even stronger, when the trance was over I manage to see probably for the first time how trivial and how fake all of that junk really is, and now I’m more determinate than ever to probe to myself who is really calling the shots.
Right now I may go for the 120 days, idk, I actually one to put one of the benefits in the social interaction aspect in practice, but until I’m cure from my current illness (I also just get a cold yesterday, omg) it pretty much gonna be the same as the previous period, but now I’m not gonna use my computer for awhile at least until my brain stops trying to trick me.
Anyway feel free to express your opinions on the matter, and wait for my retrospective that I may write after my cold is gone. (So harsh, I’m so tired of being sick, but at least I’m still alive, that’s something).
This is edging behavior. It’s not quite a relapse but close enough to create tension and cravings. Those type of things are the downfall of every streak, no matter if you are at 30, 90, 120 or 150 days. You’ll fail with the edging in reach.
Speaking from my experience, it’s best to increase your accountability at that point and put up more tools. Blocke more stuff if needed. Whatever keeps you from edging behavior. If you want to be truly free, then try taking the necessary steps ahead.
Hey this is useful, but also I think this is the same stuff I read yesterday. Blocks, I’m going to keep using one but after a few days, it needs to be set up manually for x pages, so it doesn’t blocking content that I actually need to be inform about.
It was a trip, but you didn’t fall. That’s the good thing. If I were you I’d be even more determined now seeing as how it still can take grasp of me. Looks like you are determined now which is good. 120 is a good next goal. Goodluck man. 