[29M] Forerunner's Diary - Ascension to Greatness šŸ™‡šŸ¾

Diary
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EDITED: My original post wasnā€™t clear and my friends have been worried that I looked at P recently! GOD Forbid! I meant to post a recent reflection I had with my friend, who had called me on Day Zero - 53 days before this post.

Thank GOD for another day!

Today, I was thanking my friend whose words brought me out of the relapse cycle 53 days ago.

Looking back, it was a serious Day Zero. One of those relapse cycles where youā€™ve sworn youā€™re never going back and fail hard, so you just indulge while youā€™re there. When he called me, I had all my ex-favorite videos and websites up in the tabs. About 40 tabs to go through. During that call, I closed everything, I cleared my history, I started wiping my PC, shut down the TV show I was watchingā€¦
It was a wake up call.

Iā€™m so far removed from that state now! Not as much as an unclean Google search!

Always thank GOD for everything.

Day 53.

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Save yourself from the downfallā€¦ 53 days is a lot of timeā€¦ If you fall nowā€¦ you wont forgive yourself.

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Are you talking about the day 53 days before now?

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Let me remove your confusion. Our friend has not relapsed.
The call saved him.
I must sayā€¦ it was a call from The God himselfā€¦ he was waking up forerunner via his friend.

I know ā€¦ he always warns usā€¦ certain signs here & thereā€¦

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I completely agree with you, brother. That call 54 days ago saved me and greatly turned things around. I could see clearly how much I was destroying myself and how it was affecting those around me. I knew that I had to find a way out of the addiction by any means.

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Here is my experience. A week ago, my mother gave my 6 months old niece in my hands. She smiled looking at me. Then I thought what I used to do. I used to throw innocent unborn children in sewer (disgusting). On that day, I decided never to relapse. Whenever I come across any trigger, I remember that innocent smiling face and my determination becomes strong. :slightly_smiling_face:

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@HappySoul That is a powerful experience brother! Remember that every time the triggers come. That one switch in mindset is enough to close the door to PMO forever.

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Thank GOD for another day!

I havenā€™t posted in here as much as Iā€™d like to. GOD willing, I will choose to post daily. It keeps me accountable and focused on my journey.

Iā€™m experiencing a deeper sense of inner joy and peace these days. Iā€™ve found that even sitting down on a bench and watching the world go by is a pleasurable experience. We missed so much in the past when viewing pixels on our screens in the dark. As my dopamine sensors are returning to normal sensitivity, Iā€™m getting more pleasure from everyday life. PMO lied to us so much; how can sitting on a bench be more pleasurable than any PMO session I ever had?! No guilt, shame or regret afterwards, no increased stress, anxiety or discomfort - real life is SO much better!

I can feel the habit of regular exercise starting to fade as Iā€™ve only exercised once this week. I will choose to pick up my exercises again and keep up my routine. Life is much better when we feel healthy and comfortable in our own bodies. Iā€™ve started seeing my abs come through - I donā€™t want them to start hiding again!

Hereā€™s another insight from my Power over Pornography course - Iā€™ve nearly finished it now!

After being addicted to PMO for so long, we feel uncomfortable in making the transition to living free and clean. These feelings of stress, anxiety and discomfort will decline rapidly and continue to fade as the weeks go on. By about Day 50, youā€™ll feel close to normal and realise that your comfort zone has expanded to include this new life.

You will still have temptations, but youā€™ll experience much lower stress and discomfort. Youā€™ll also notice a decline in the frequency and intensity of the temptations. There is no way around the stress; embrace it, feel the fear and do it anyway, recognise that you are re-training yourself to achieve a wonderful vision and overcome a devastating addiction.

In the past, we fought against this ā€˜PMO withdrawalā€™. Now, we embrace them because we know those feelings are leading to healing. The pain and discomfort are only temporary. This is good and doesnā€™t last long. Choose the stress, choose the discomfort, recognise that you are getting stronger and expanding your comfort zone to include this new life.

Always thank GOD for everything.

Day 57.

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A usual headingā€¦ I would like to talk with you personally on this God thing !

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You are my Heroā€¦ my friendā€¦ Your diary comforts my soulā€¦

To see ā€¦ you in peaceā€¦ i gather hope for myself too.

I am in a difficult situation nowadaysā€¦ but i have become habitual of sufferings.

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This is my statement of gratitude for each day clean. GOD promises in the Qurā€™an that those who are grateful for what they have will acquire more. I believe fully in that promise. Every day clean is a blessing after many years of addiction.

My friend, I consider that a great honour. Absolutely, there is hope for you. I believe in you. You can definitely make it out. You have struggled and strived and fought again and again. The time for victory is at hand. I look forward with great anticipation to watching you pass your highest streak and beyond. Your life will improve dramatically; I see that for you.

Remember, pain is temporary. It may last a day, a month, a year, a decade or more. But as we are fighting and working towards resolving it, it will eventually subside and make way for our greatness. The suffering will not be present forever. When you have rewired, you will have time to dedicate to other areas of life and improve them as well.

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Thank GOD for another day!

Iā€™m so grateful today. In a few minutes, I will pass my highest ever streak. This time is very different to the last time; Iā€™m not fighting myself to get here - itā€™s a labour of love. By GODā€™s Grace, I will make it to 90 days and beyond. This is my ultimate streak. Day by day, step by step.

I was working security at a festival today, and I met a man who was clearly a drug addict. I could see the scars on his arm from shooting up and on his face - possibly meth! It made me reflect. With his addiction, it was evident all over his body. The poor man was young but obviously the addiction had taken a serious toll on his appearance. Ours has scarred us mentally. The difference is with time, we can rewire and heal those mental scars, but Iā€™m not so sure what happens to recovered drug addicts - if they can regain their lost looks.

Always thank GOD for everything.

Day 58.

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If they are not dead and still breathingā€¦ i must say they can heal themselves to their original state.

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This is powerful! There is always hope! Yes, after hearing you say this, I agree with you. If you are alive, then you can still heal and change your life.

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Thank GOD for another day!

I started running again after many months. With time, I will get back to where I was in January by GODā€™s Grace - running 5km and more. I have completed my abs workout program. I managed to exercise on 25 out of 30 days - which is great after months of no exercise! With time, I will become more consistent, GOD willing. Now, Iā€™m moving on to 100 press-ups, sit-ups, and squats 5 days a week.

Iā€™m moving on to a new job. Going to doing some calling and emailing around this week. I pray I find the best job for my current situation. Iā€™ve also made my first sale on eBay! New beginnings!

Yesterday, I made even more steps to ensure my success on my ultimate streak. Iā€™ve placed a physical counter in our family living room - a jar filled with marbles for each day clean. I spoke with my mother about it and told her this is the farthest Iā€™ve ever gone, and she can keep me accountable to make sure I donā€™t return; the marbles in the jar will continue to increase with each new day, and a relapse would mean I lost my marbles, as the saying goes. She said she was very proud of me and she believes I truly have changed this time - I will go all the way with GODā€™s Help. Iā€™m very grateful to be able to speak with her about this; many people are suffering in silence and can only come to the forum for help and guidance. With her and my friends both online and offline, I am kept accountable and structured on my journey.

Always thank GOD for everything.

Day 60.

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Thank GOD for another day!

Continued practice in dealing with urges is really adding ease to this journey. Iā€™m very thankful for this newfound strength. These new habits have made strong urges a thing of the past. So many a time in the past I would feel so mercilessly beaten down by urges that I thought relapse was the only way out. Thank GOD for another way! I choose to continue to practice daily and maintain this success in my journey. Honestly, I canā€™t recommend Power over Pornography enough. The author promises that anyone who sincerely follows his program will not relapse. I didnā€™t follow it in the past fully, but this time, Iā€™m all in.

Itā€™s time to take another look at my goals and establishing positive daily habits and routine. About a month till Day 90 - what can I accomplish by then?

Always thank GOD for everything.

Day 61.

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Thank GOD for another day!

Today was good. I completed my exercises in good time in the morning and got some tasks done. Iā€™m getting better at waking up early. Now to cut out long naps during the day. :sweat_smile: All in good time. This is still great progress compared to months ago when I was doing very little to improve my life.

I had a productive meeting with my friends today about starting up our cleaning business. Very much looking forward to watch it take shape and become profitable, GOD willing.

Iā€™ve nearly completed the Power over Pornography course - all thatā€™s left is my session on Sunday. Hereā€™s another reflection from the program:

In the past, weā€™ve given power to the temptation by telling ourselves that we must not give into it, We typically rebel when weā€™re told that we must not do something. We donā€™t like being compelled to behave in a certain way.

When one tells themselves that they must not give in, they attempt to compel themselves to act in a particular way. This deprives us of our freedom to choose. Compelling statements give power to the temptation. But at all times, we have the power to choose.

You always have the power to choose. You arenā€™t required to do anything. The freedom to choose is the greatest power we have. When we make a commitment to leave PMO for good, but every single time we are tempted we make a choice, we remove the feeling of being deprived or missing out on PMO. We tell ourselves with every temptation that we are free to go back to PMO at any time, but for this moment only, we are choosing a better life.

This gives our brains the idea that the door to PMO is always open, we can go back in an hour, tomorrow, next week, whenever. But in this way, we keep postponing and delaying that gratification indefinitely, by choosing our vision instead. Telling ourselves - This is the last time, I swear it - in the past never worked, because we were trying to enslave our brains. This method tricks the brain into thinking it is free, while you are finally in control of it at long last.

Always thank GOD for everything.

Day 62.

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Thank GOD for another day!

The past couple of days have been stressful, but I made it through, praise Him. The job I wanted to get still hasnā€™t got back to me. I passed their phone interview but they havenā€™t called me in for the interview at their office. My friendship group IRL is splintering and I have to re-define myself. Iā€™ve been friends with these people since I was 12 years old - half my life.

Today was better than yesterday though, I went out with some friends to dinner and had a hilarious time.

No matter how stressful things get, Iā€™m very thankful I donā€™t see PMO as an option any more. And Iā€™m grateful I have friends to turn to if those thoughts ever come back.

Always thank GOD for everything.

Day 64.

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Thank GOD for another day!

Today has been an easy day. The journey really does get easy as you go along. Iā€™ve been diligently sticking to my strategy and itā€™s paying off, thank GOD. Reading my lists of benefits, my lists of negative consequences, my personal analysis of why I always used to relapse, it gives me so much strength to continue.

Tomorrow is my last day of the Power over Pornography course. This time, I will choose to keep up with the lessons Iā€™ve learned and continue on this journey, GOD willing.

Always thank GOD for everything.

Day 65.

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So proud of you bro. Youā€™re doing so good. I hope one day I can say ā€œWe did it! Thank you Lord Jesus!ā€
But until then, we can say ā€œWeā€™re doing it! Thank you Lord!ā€

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