@Sahas @BoomerangNebula Thank you my friends! Iāll be sure to share more posts like this in the future!
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Thank GOD for another day!
Today I resumed looking for another job. Iām very grateful to be employed, considering I wasnāt back near the start of the year. Thank GOD for money coming in! But minimum wage is not where I belong or intend to remain.
I can really feel a change in myself. This is both thrilling and terrifying at the same time. GOD forbid I should fall back down again. Iām worried about being overconfident. That is what brought me down last time. Iāve come up with a new strategy based on what Iāve learned, and by following it, GOD willing I will remain free forever.
Today, Iāll share what I learned from The 6 Pillars of Self Esteem about āhappiness anxiety.ā
When someone has low self-esteem and a poor opinion of themselves, their actions tend towards proving them right. They donāt believe they deserve to have happiness or success in their life.
If events start happening in their life which bring joy and positive emotions, they become anxious because this conflicts with their negative self-image. This is when they self-sabotage in order to restore ābalanceā, which is actually no balance at all but just a continued state of supposedly deserved unhappiness.
Many times, I would relapse after reaching a month on hard mode, or relapse after having a really good and happy day. I did not believe someone like me who has done the shameful things I had done deserved happiness. This wasnāt conscious, but that is what I was doing to myself. I had to do a deep self-analysis to understand why I kept self-sabotaging.
Always thank GOD for everything.
Day 43.
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Very true in my life aswell. People are afraid of what they can become. It is scary when you think about it, the thought arises āCan I deal with this new self?ā But your ānew selfā is actually your true self. The old you is the shame filled sinner that God never intended you to be.
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@Sacred The new self is the true self! What a concept!
Youāre absolutely right; He never intended for us to fall into darkness. The light may be a bit blinding at first, but it is where we were always supposed to live.
Bless you for sharing brother. Iāll remember that this is me adjusting to my true destiny.
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Very good postā¦
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Thank GOD for another day!
Today was a relaxing day. I spoke to my friend from Rewire Companion and he gave me a new perspective on this journey. Our relationship to sexuality has become so warped by the addiction; we have to relearn the proper way to express these feelings and emotions.
Iāll share something from my Power over Pornography homework today:
Using āSAPSā in the Past and Avoiding Dealing with Urges:
Suppression - In the past, I tried to pretend the temptation wasnāt there. I ignored it and tried to focus on something else. I used to ignore the feelings of temptation and arousal I was experiencing and just hope it would go away.
Avoidance - In the past, I tried to avoid situations which would lead to triggers like browsing on Instagram or YouTube. Avoid being alone. Avoid taking devices to bed or to the bathroom.
Protection In the past, I set up filters upon filters to stop myself from going back.
Substitution In the past, I would recite verses of Scripture, I would listen to recordings, I would play games, watch movies, eat junk food, go to sleep and more, anything that could take the place of the urges. Anything as long as I wasnāt going back.
None of these methods worked because I didnāt confront the temptation directly. If we donāt deal with our temptations, they linger until we do deal with it, or we succumb to it. We have to accept the temptation as a normal part of life which everyone experiences. This acceptance removes
the shame and guilt and allows you to deal with the temptation at a conscious level.
Always thank GOD for everything.
Day 44.
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Very Dangerous.
There is a thin line between Love & Lust.
Always follow basics of Nofap like not watching erotic material.
It is not included in part of suppression but a concious decision of Pure Heart.
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Thank you very much for that brother - I will keep this in mind.
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ādeal with it at a conscious levelā
Very true. I think the best thing to do (other then to get on your knees and pray) is to drop everything youāre doing and sit and face the temptation. With no distractions youāre able to deal with it and with no distractions you consciously and with authority say no to this evil.
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Confronting the temptation directly gives us great power. Recall the example of Christ when tempted in the wilderness - he spoke directly to the enemy and challenged him with the truth. We must do the same with our own temptations. And we are bound to succeed when we come with the truth, because PMO was, is and always has been a lie.
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Very true! And with scripture Jesus rebuked the lies. Satan is the father of lies. Jesus is the Truth!
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The whole chapter of hebrews 12 comes to mind, but especially verses 1 & 2
1 Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us,
2 Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.
Looking to Jesus when sin comes because not only does he help in the midst but his life is also a precursor to how we should deal with things and be.
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Thank GOD for another day!
Good day at work today. My confidence and conversational skills continue to improve, and dealing with colleagues is so much easier, thank GOD! Iāve been in a cheerful mood today.
I completed another session of the Power over Pornography course today. 8 sessions down, 6 to go. Here are some insights:
All reasons for PMO are rationalizations, which are lies. By rationalizing viewing pornography, we only lie to ourselves and prevent our realization of the benefits of living a loving life. We can combat our tendencies to rationalize by weighing the costs of the result and looking at the consequences truthfully.
When you react to stress, depression and sadness by viewing pornography, you feel more stress, depression and sadness. When you react to these amplified emotions with more viewing, you feel them even more intensely, and so the cycle continues.
Many people relapse after telling themselves they can never go back again. This compelling language causes them to feel deprived. āPoor me, everyone else can enjoy PMO, but I canāt because of reasons XY and Z.ā When you believe you will no longer be able to go back to PMO, you naturally feel deprived. Making decisions which last forever is a form of force and causes you to rebel. Make your choice for the current decision only and realize you are always free to choose differently the next time.
When you are free to always make a different choice, you wonāt feel denied or deprived. You can always choose to go back to PMO. That door is always open - you still have access to the Internet, right? Youāre simply making a different choice. The power of free choice empowers you and removes feelings of denial or deprivation. This stops us from feeling like a victim and re-entering the relapse cycle.
Many people believe the reason for their addiction is a lack of self-discipline. Itās not about self-discipline, but about choice. We can choose differently every time weāre faced with the temptation. There is power in staying in the present and not worrying about the future.
Always thank GOD for everything.
Day 45.
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The only tools the enemy has are deception and temptation. With truth and freedom of will, we can always overcome.
This is a beautiful thought for the journey ahead. Patience. One day at a time, we win this race.
Thank you for sharing my friend. GOD bless you.
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Thank GOD for another day!
I went through trials today. I was violently thrown out of a highly sexually-explicit dream this morning. The dream was so vivid, so lecherous and animalistic; I can only describe it as pornographic. Moreover, it involved a female friend of mine. I woke up sweating and feeling deep shame and guilt, along with fierce arousal. Another reason why PMO is so destructive; as I struggled to find the same level of arousal from previous P videos, I sought out increasingly darker and more sadistic material. Videos that would have utterly repulsed me became the norm. Now, these consequences came back to me in my sleep.
It took me a few moments to come back to my senses and remember that this was only a dream, and I would never do such a thing to my friend in reality - GOD forbid! Iāve had dreams in the past where I logged onto those sites and relapsed, but never anything like this before. This was an entirely new beast.
My brain kept reminding me, āIn the past, after having a dream like this, relapse was never too far behind.ā But I told it, āYouāre right; in the PAST!ā There is no excuse to return to PMO. I need not feel ashamed or guilty for events beyond my control. This dream is only another manifestation of the urge to return to PMO. My body has seen that the other urges have not worked like they used to. The enemy is using new tactics now. By GODās Grace, I will not be defeated; I will stand strong and weather this storm.
I choose to be extra vigilant, as the vividness and extremity of the dream made it harder to purge from my mind. I cannot deny the truth in what my brain said to me - relapse followed such dreams in the past. The next few days might be quite the test of character.
Today, I didnāt complete the tasks I needed to or my exercises. I donāt want to make a habit of that. I spent nearly 2 hours browsing Instagram. No, I didnāt look at anything lustful, but that was 2 hours wasted - time I could have used to complete my exercises for instance. And that mindless browsing puts one in a dangerous position where you might find something you didnāt plan to see. In terms of sleep, I want to make a habit of being in bed before 11 PM to properly regulate myself. Iām waking up around 6 AM now but my body is rebelling as it hasnāt rested enough.
A reflection on my top three justifications and rationalisations for PMO in the past, from the Power over Pornography course:
1. I would hang around on āfamily-friendlyā platforms like YouTube or Instagram hoping to find material that shouldnāt be there, so I could claim I wasnāt responsible. Then I would say my streak is no longer clean - might as well, so I would search for increasingly more explicit sexual content until I finally ended up back on those P sites. This was a lie because I always had the choice to look away and continue living free and clean, regardless of what I came across. I was choosing PMO instead.
2. I would tell myself that of all the sins I could be involved in, this one wasnāt so bad. This was a lie which could be seen by the fruits of that spirit in my life. So much darkness as a result of my actions while immersed in the addiction. What is wrong, is wrong. We donāt get to pick and choose what immoral behaviour weāll engage in without also picking the results of that behaviour.
3. I used to tell myself that it was the last time, that I would spend the rest of my life clean. This allowed me to break streaks for any random and ridiculous reason. āMy streak cannot start on a Friday, it has to start on Monday.ā āNo, scratch that, Iāll restart so my streak will be 1st of April - haha April Fools. Iād be a fool to go back.ā āIām really feeling the urges today, obviously I havenāt changed, let me fully gorge myself and realize how disgusting it is so I can stop forever.ā This was a lie as if I continued to relapse in this manner, how would I ever be clean?
In the past before doing PMO, I have felt shame, regret, boredom, laziness, stress, anxiety, āhappiness anxietyā, depression, loneliness, overpowering insatiable arousal and more. After PMO, these emotions were only multiplied. PMO was not the answer, it never was.
Always thank GOD for everything.
Day 46.
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Feel free to call if the thoughts are too much.
I want you to be present in the moment.
The dream has gone ā¦ that moment passedā¦ You got 46 days under your belt nowā¦ You should embrace New Challenge & difficultiesā¦ like you embraced that happiness inside you.
Keep moving higher & higherā¦ dont look backā¦ You have not arrived yetā¦ The Truth is before your eyesā¦ Wake Upā¦
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Thank you my brother, this is very motivational!
I promise I will if it gets to be too much.
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Thank GOD for another day!
Today was much better than yesterday. I faced all the urges head-on and I was victorious. Exercises completed, made some progress in my personal projects. Work was somewhat stressful, but I didnāt let it get me down.
If itās possible to quit for a day, itās possible to quit for a lifetime.
Always thank GOD for everything.
Day 47.
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Thank GOD for another day!
I have dealt with the stress of the past few days and I have been victorious. All praise be to the Most High! Work was highly demanding this week, and I was reprimanded on three occasions. Iāve learnt from my mistakes and taken criticism on board without internalising it as I used to in the past - my self-esteem has healed with this streak. GOD willing, I will leave this job behind soon for something far more worthwhile.
Iāve completed week 5 of my abs workout program. There really has been a noticeable difference! I also feel more motivated to eat healthily so I can maintain this new level of fitness.
I posted my current strategy on the forum as well today; itās here - After relapsing on 46 days in 2019, thank GOD I'm now 50 days PMO-free! Here's how I did it
Iām so grateful for this new beginning!
Always thank GOD for everything.
Day 50.
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