Hi all. Here’s a short intro. So I grew up on a remote farm area. Always struggled with vivid imaginations and longings. Fast forward a couple of years and our family moved to town, where I discovered P on a friend’s computer. I was 13 then, and also discovered MO around that time. MO became my refuge for dealing and coping with life. My parents separated when I was 14 and all the stress and unhappiness was almost unbearable for me… I would always MO at night when all was quiet and I could relax and face my emotions. Fast forward 6 more years, we relocated again to another country, closer to my mom’s family. My dad chose to stay on the farm and basically let go of us, he stopped paying support and things got really tough financially. I worked summer holidays just to be able to buy decent shoes lol. I struggled a lot during this time with my faith in God, like how can He be loving and promise to take care of me but my heart is falling apart from all the hurt? During this time I fortunately had no access to P only MO. Fast forward 3 more years to varsity, where I discovered P again. Things got real. I started failing badly and barely managed to hold on to my relationships with family and friends. Fast forward 9 more years… I had a very stressful job for 3 years which fortunately I could resign from, got another one and things went south there. And then I found another job… An amazing one.
I also started dating a girl and I was really honest about my struggle from the start, told her everything. We were friends for about 6 months before we started dating for a year… After which we decided I need some space to deal with PMO before we could go further. That was 2 months ago.
Man… I cannot believe how PMO warps the mind and makes a human being believe that he/she is needy whilst actually self-worshipinghim or herself. It’s unspeakably evil and really like a cancer with tentacles which try to consume everything of a person.
I’m on day 25 now. No P, I lapsed with MO on day 15. It’s been a real bear of a fight the last 2 years to get to 25 days. Jesus has been so so faithful, He has shown me that He loves so much and will provide in my every need, but He will also not do for me what I must do for myself. It’s been baby steps to get to this day. I’m doing the cold showers, run/exercise really hard almost daily. Most important of all, I try to hold on to the truth about me and my life and what God says about me, instead of letting my emotions dictate to me what’s up.
Many thanks to all the guys and girls on this group, especially to Agent Ghost. Much love and prayers for you all.