Day 8 completed: This was a different day. I didn’t do almost anything that I should have as part of my daily schedule.
Had a STRONG urge today triggered by a provocative image.
I’m not proud of the fact that I clicked on to a pornography website after that. However, I’m proud of the fact that I still didn’t give in. The conversation with myself (mentioned in my Day 4 entry) on changing my outlook towards pornography helped a lot. I immediately reminded myself of 2 things: 1. What I’m looking at is not a human being but just an image of a human being, essentially it’s just a piece of art and 2. If I relapse to this, it certainly won’t be the last time because the supply of pornographic material is endless so I can’t let that control me.
As soon as I reminded myself of this, the urge faded away and I was able to direct myself out of the website.
Productivity wise it was a bad day. Woke up late, didn’t cook. The only positive outcome today was that I got quite a lot done at work. Here’s what a bad day looks like:
Hits:
Productive day at job
(No workout as today was a rest day)
Misses:
Wake up early
Meditation
Cooking❌
Studies❌
Today’s lesson: I sat down and thought about why today was a bad day and why I didn’t feel motivated enough to do the things I wanted to do. I believe it’s because I have not been sleeping enough. So I will be tweaking my sleep schedule to see if that helps.
Day 9 was somewhat similar to Day 8 productivity wise. Had another strong urge but didn’t relapse. Not a great day productivity wise, but I didn’t get enough sleep again (due to a personal errand I had to run).
However, I’m writing this entry on the morning of Day 10 after getting enough sleep and waking up refreshed so my confidence level for day 10 is high again and I’m feeling positive.
Today’s lesson: I’ve read in multiple articles that everyone has a different requirement of minimum hours of sleep/day and for me that seems to be 8 hours whereas I had been pushing myself to sleep only 6 hours and waking up groggy everyday. If you’re doing the same mistake, please stop and adjust your routine to get enough sleep. Sleep is when your body recovers from all the physical and mental strain it goes through during the day. The amount and quality of sleep will have a huge impact on the quality of your next day.
Don’t worry. The first step to solving a problem is identifying it. In case you’re interested in my advice, here’s what I have been doing so far:
Productivity:
Make a daily schedule (hour by hour) alloting time for things you want to do. Here’s what my ideal schedule looks like:
6 am wake up, meditate, cook food; 7:30 quick workout; 8 am study, 10 am go to work, 6 pm play video games; 7 pm study, 10 pm sleep.
IMP: Don’t expect yourself to be following the schedule 100% to the minute from day 1, and don’t be too hard on yourself if you don’t succeed in the beginning. Keep trying and you’ll get there.
Also, while working/studying I like to use a pomodoro app (It divides your time into “focus” and “break” intervals so that you don’t burn out).
Sleep:
Sleep without an alarm for 3 days. The first two days will be for you to cover your sleep debt so that when you go to bed on 3rd day, it’ll be with zero debt. Note down how many hours you wake up automatically after on 3rd day and that can be your benchmark sleep for everyday. This is the practice I followed to conclude that I must sleep 8 hours a day.
Day 10 completed: No relapses. Good day overall despite no workout. We welcomed my brother-in-law’s baby girl into the world today so it was a day of celebration.
Wake up early
Meditation
Cooking
Workout
Study
Day’s lesson: Overall productivity wasn’t high but it’s okay to make exceptions for special occasions. Focus on your goals but make sure you soend enough time with important people in your life.
Day 11 completed: Busy day at work today. Worked pretty much a 12 hour shift. No time for anything else. On the bright side, no relapses despite a couple of strong urges.
Wake up early
Meditation
Cooking
Study
Productivity at work
Today’s lesson: At the time of urges, it’s important to remember your motivation behind doing this. It’ll help you to not give in.
Right now, I have many people I’m doing this for. I am now accountable to anyone here who is reading my journey. I am accountable to my wife. And most importantly, I am accountable to myself. So, everytime I have an urge, I remind myself that if I give in, I’ll be letting all of these people (including myself) down and then just let the urge pass.
Day 13 complete: No relapses but got quite a bit done.
Wake up early
Meditation
Cooking
Workout
Study
Productivity at work
Today’s lesson: Important to sometimes spend some tine doing something that helps you unwind. For example, Today I spent quite a bit of time gaming today, hence no studies. While I’m okay with it, I need to make sure I only play for limited time periods as it can otherwise throw me off course.
Day 14 & 15 completed.
Last couple of days have been busy and slightly disappointing (mostly because of a medical condition and this post will be my rant about it)
Partially dislocated my shoulder due to bad sleeping posture/movements. Nothing serious, I have a condition which causes my shoulders to dislocate rather easily due to laxity in the joint. Most of the times it is not severe. It just pops a little and goes back into the socket, but even then it hurts like crazy when it happens. The pain goes away immediately as soon as it pops back but soreness remains.
The reason I was disappointed was because while I’ve had dislocated shoulders before, it didn’t use to happen to me while sleeping. It has always happened while playing or working out. A couple of years ago, I was in a car accident which had resulted in a severe dislocation of my right shoulder. This is when my shoulder got damaged so much that a few days after being released from the hospital, I dislocated it again while sleeping and had to go to the ER.
Shoulder (or any ball and socket joint) dislocations are something that are bound to happen if it happens once. With every dislocation, the damage to the bone/ligament is increased and the next one becomes more likely and less painful (or so they say).
What upsets me is that there’s nothing I can do to fix it. There are some basic exercises that help strengthen surrounding muscles, but I can’t strengthen the bones, tissues and ligaments in the joint. My only option (I’ve discussed this with my doctor) is to undergo surgery. I’ve had 5 surgeries in last 7 years and I have no interest in getting more.
And so, my confidence has been low last couple of days (it still is a bit, I think). Honestly, this condition makes me hate my body a bit, specially since I didn’t do anything to deserve it (I think) and I can’t really do anything to fix it.
Rant completed guys. I’ll see you at the end of day 16.
Day 16 complete.
Took things a little lightly today as it’s the weekend. Woke up late, didn’t workout or study much but spent time playing games with my brother and catching up with my family members. Not a bad day. See y’all tomorrow.
Caved in and relapsed at day 17. It’s always something miniscule and harmless that triggers the urges. Of course I’m feeling ahamed and angry as I write this entry. Not only have I disappointed myself but also the community here.
Not gonna give up though. Restarting at day 1 today.
P.S. I’m quite mad at myself right now. I was finally doing so good.
Take a lesson from that. Think about why you relapsed and don’t make these mistakes again. It’s harder when can’t make some sports activity, but still, there’s no excuse for you. First days are hard and full of urges. You must pass them.
Starting of new streak is starting a new life. Take a shower, shave your face, clean your room, sleep long enough. Build habits and be cautious about urges, avoid them.
