Hey y’all, I just wanted to have a place where I write out my thoughts. I keep a lot of thoughts bottled up and use them for personal motivation. But, I figured I should just type here as this community is so supportive and also it will give me motivation to continue my journey to recovery.
As I turn 27 in a few weeks, my younger self 20-24 always thought that by this age I would have been long over this habit. But, life throws bumps and setbacks your way and unfortunately I have relied on PMO as a crutch to deal with life’s challenges (my studies/career). I would say I never had a crippling addiction like some crazies out there, but it is still a crutch and it is not healthy.
So far this year starting 2024, I have had one 9 day streak then a 12 day streak which just ended. I have gone on 2-3 day spurts, but those were not authentic. Today I start again on Day 0. I will update here as time goes by. My goal is to most definitely hit 90 days. And I most definitely want to avoid intentional peeking/urges as that was a big struggle during my 12 days. I was purposefully looking things up when I should not have because my brain was itching for a release. That opened my eyes to the fact that I have used PMO for my reward for too long. I want to enter and finish 27 as a better man, one that can support a wife one day (with blessings from Allah) and become a better son, brother, community member.
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God bless brother God Bless 
Be Ready to fight this addiction and win this fight 
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Been feeling very low of myself the last 2-3 days as I study for my test. I feel like I am not good enough to compete with the rest of the world and even my peers. The fear and doubt in my mind of losing everything I worked for until now are constantly putting me down.
I’m fighting against fear and doubt and then because of that I let my guard down against my urges. I was looking for a fix and it caused me to relapse before bed the last 3 nights. I’m writing back here because I deleted all my triggers and I’m going to try again. I just need to pray to Allah more that is all. Day 0 re-starting today.
I looked myself in the mirror and saw the flabs of fat over my stomach. I’ve been sitting for so long studying, that I gained bad weight. I will try and go to a nearby park and so some exercises. I just want this agony to be over. I will keep fighting no matter what.
Relapsed this morning due to stress and anxiety for the day. When I woke up I was very frustrated and that caused me to cave in. Starting from 0 today.
I had a realization, overcoming sexual addiction and just learning how to transcend this desire is pretty much key. Sometimes I think, when I get married I will have a healthy outlet. But even then for how long? A couple years? Kids come in the picture? Age kicks in. It really is pointless to think that.
I think I am now in the mindset that sex is just that an action and a desire. If I transfer it to things that matter in life like God and my work then that’s all there really is to it. PMO is pointless. Its pointless now, with a partner, and forever. Screw it. I’m moving on. If I feel anxiety Ill just let it sit with right next to me and live with it. But I will not resort to PMO to escape from it.
Day 1 
Sure it looks like a small number, but its after a lot of previously lost and won battles. I am in a mindset that I am adamant on quitting, putting it aside forever. I don’t “want” PMO anymore.
Good day, no urges, got through my work, went to a nearby park to do some bodyweight exercises. Onto Day 2. Goal is to spend 30 min of the day tomorrow being in a deep state of worship to God as it is Friday.
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Day 2 complete! Onto Day 3.
Strong studying, good focus. Spending my days in the library so I am forced to be in a public space and do not give in to urges readily. I am back on my gym plan after taking a break as well so that will help with diverting excess energy.
To make sure I don’t have relapses when I get home from studying, I am going to either shift back into study mode for last hours of the night or if I have time go for a night time walk in my neighborhood.
I can feel myself improving! Long done with PMO, time its out of my life out of sight. As I have reflected more, PMO really does not fit my character at all, no one would think I engage in it. Which is also a reason why its such a sneaky habit that people can fall into. Will report later.
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If your mobile is disturbing you then you can simply use " Zen Mode " it will block all applications for a particular time period. You can only call and click pictures
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Thanks brahmchary for the advice! stay strong brother. Onto finishing Day 3 
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Finished Day 3, on Day 4.
Had breakfast with family, Idli dosa is really our go to love that stuff. Then I went straight to the library and stayed there for 12 hours, came home at 10pm had dinner and went to bed by 11pm was too tired. That really shows that if you guys put 100% of your brain power to an activity it will be to tired to do PMO.
PMO is an option to your brain if you have not been locked in on your activities. That is way you must STAY BUSY. Also, it really helps your resolve if you firmly just say you are quitting.
Keep grinding guys
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Thank you so much Brahmchary. Your words are a great encouragement for me.
Moving on to Day 5. I know my body and I know the urges start to peak around Day 7-9. As of right now things are calm. I am busy with my studies. Lots to do.
I don’t forsee any complications today but I am sure they are coming, I will be ready for the urges. Eyes on the prize. Aim will be to demolish May. Few remarks to myself, as I am in the library I just need to remember to keep my gaze low as summer comes around people tend be showy, especially if I am going to be studying in college library. The other thing is I need to make sure I am praying before bed. Sometimes I get too tired and fall asleep before praying the night prayer. I will make these changes. God bless us all.
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Always remember God when going to bed and after waking up. Start your day with full positivity. Don’t be afraid of urges. Instead divert your mind to do hardwork to achieve real life goals.
I feel happy to see people here are so good and kind. They have struggled a lot and still struggling but they have pure heart because they want to change.
That’s why I always support or encourage them and I always pray that you all succeed in your life. Be happy brother. If you are happy then everyone will be happy.
God bless bhai 
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Alhamdulillah. Praise Be To God.
I am happy to finally hit 7 days. No urges. No sexual thoughts. Just my work and re-establishing connection with God. I feel great, healthy. I have been at the Gym, Library, and at home I am either busy with reviewing my study materials or speaking to mom and sister about the situation in Gaza and around the world.
Puts things in perspective. Our struggle. Real life struggle. Whatever it is. This world is a Test. Will you seek out your Creator in trying times or turn a blind eye and join the endless pit of hedonism around you. I was for too long using the latter as my crutch. The choice, the free will is YOURS that is the beauty of our Creator. There is no worldly reward for making the right Choice, but you will eventually feel the presence of God’s work in your life if you have made the right choice.
Irregardless of your religions, we are all brothers trusting in God and working to better ourselves. Don’t lose Hope. Onto another successful week. ~
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Quick 
The main reason you guys and I are stuck in PMO is because we are chasing after a life we want that is not ours. Stop lusting for premarital sex and flings. Or watching PMO thinking that “Oh if I am not physically sleeping with women at least I can watch them do dirty things”. If you are on this forum you aren’t that dude who sleeps around with multiple women and has the image of a player.
If you are here you are a religious, devout man with soul who has elected to live his life the hard way, the way of the struggle, not because it’s easy or hard but because you know deep down that this world is pointless without belief in God. Value yourselves for what you are. Know YOUR ROLE.
Become strong men, get your wives the respectful way and look for those that are pious rather than going after beauty. And aim to raise children as strong willed and righteous fathers. If you guys are stuck in PMO you are not valuing your potential of leaving a positive legacy behind.
Best of luck.
On Day 8.
Feeling great. Worked out yesterday and I had a very restful sleep. It’s like my brain saying, 'I love the peace".
I haven’t had urges nor even inclinations to want to look at PMO. I am super happy with my progress. My gym plan is 3x week but I’m gonna clock in everyday to have a good break in my studying.
If anyone’s having trouble feel free to DM me, I can offer words of advice. We are a family here.
Another thought I had was:
Sometimes after a long streak you might get prideful and start thinking that this is really nothing for you anymore.
That’s also a moment when the devil will tempt you to give in. Thinking you are now the hot shit because you have a streak going and are “free from PMO” can make you arrogant and then cause relapse.
Stay away from thinking too much about your streaks. The more you simplify this challenge, the easier it is.
One day at a time folks, one hour at a time. Take it slow 
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