So I will be sharing my thoughts related to retention, nofap, addiction, recovery, attraction towards girls, benefits from retention, dealing with urges and anything which I think worth sharing.
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My last nightfall was 7 days ago on day 144.
It is a problem for me. I don’t feel tired after nf that much like I used to feel after a relapse. But still I find it problematic.Because it is sometimes accompanied with orgasm which is not good.
I face it once in a week.Usually when I am so tired because of travelling added with less sleep.
Second reason I think is my lustful gaze or just gaze towards girls.I don’t want to elaborate more as it can lead to relapse for some people here. But yeah I need to find out a solution to the gazing problem here.3rd reason is my childhood friend who talks about girls everytime.
So I am gonna work on all these reasons to decrease frequency of nightfall. And it is possible with meditation pranayam, exercise and proper rest. Once I didn’t get wetdream for 26 days.
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26/03
I am experiencing all the benefits which the veterans claimed. When I walk I feel like thomas Shelby. When I tighten the grip of my fist, my hands feel like a blade. I am not boasting. These are just physical attributes.
Secondly the confidence I feel, the satisfaction I feel without consuming anything is incomparable with the so called pleasure from pmo.
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Sorry for frequent posting.
I want to confess something.I am really getting obsessed with girls. I didn’t relapsed from 5 months but the constant urge to look towards girls on streets is killing me. I know where it ends everytime(relapse). That’s why I don’t want to do this. I enjoy looking at them.Most of them are dressed provocatively.But I don’t blame them.
I fear that I may relapse if I continue doing this.
On the other hand I think that I am missing something if I don’t look at them.When I used to fap I was not that obsessed with them. But now attractive girls are irresistible to me. Due to which I am getting enormous urges whenever I am alone. Mostly in mornings.
Also,I sometimes hate girls.They just create desires in men by makeup, showing too much skin, cleavage.But when people stare at them they say purify your eyes like my eyes are contaminated like water.
I need to change my mindset regarding this.
Last 8 years I never tried to get a girl, I was busy in studies, nofap, brahmachary etc. But I think that I am getting old and I must experience this feeling of love or whatever the feeling is between a boy and a girl. I think that I am missing out.
Teenager girls already feels like daughter to me.
My age girls are already married and single ones are feminists which I must stay 6 feet away from them.
Just save me from relapse god please , I reached here after so many years. I am alone but atleast I am happy that I am no more a pmo user.
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Had to face nightfall today after 10 days again.
Feeling headache.
My undisciplined routine is also a reason behind it. I just workout in evening but no yoga, meditation, dhyan etc.
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Few days ago, I was going to sleep but couldn’t because of thought of someone who behaved rudely to me. Then I started thinking about forgiveness and I forgave that person in my mind. I didn’t want to forgive that person because of how much they cause pain to me.Still I did that and I slept peacefully that night. So, sometimes forgiveness or totally not caring at all is necessary. Real problem is I don’t have better to think of thats why my mind find these little problems to keep the boredom aside.
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I think u should try dating…even if it didn’t work well, u will not feel regret.
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No urges
Working out is helping me much.
When the streak is big that is past 100 days, we forgets the filthiness in corn.We must not forget how disgusted we felt after every corn session. Same body, same visuals don’t delight us anymore after the ejaculation. This is the prove that corn is not real, it provides fake pleasure, it is an illusion. So never forget the disgust feeling after relapse and the filth of human body.
No PMO, No filthiness
Only purity and power.
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It’s day 162.
I am staying away from social media.
No youtube , no ig, fb.
Also, no news consumption from months I think.
I don’t care now about politics or geopolitics.
I wasted my golden years consuming shit videos on YouTube.
In real life, I am left with no friends. I am very choosy of friends.One of my childhood friend is now a heavy marijuana addict.So I stay away from him although I enjoy his company.
So no friends , no girlfriend in real life too.
Because of all that I am feeling very alone.
I am introvert and maybe egoistic too, so I don’t approach anybody first to have a talk.
I am reading a book called science of likeability by Patrick King. It says to assume that stranger is already your friend. And talk to them like they are your friend already. I find it interesting and this idea giving me hope to make new friends.I want to apply this idea.
Regarding SR, I am staying cautious even after 162 days, because these are the moments when I fell in past. So I am not letting that thoughts to dominate me. I am going to face these feelings of loneliness and not escape it by movies, series etc. I am gonna feel these feelings to the fullest so that I will be able to appreciate the sunny days in future.
Nofap is healing me day by day.
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Nothing seems to satisfy me.I think I was made for some bigger game.I have cleared a exam and soon going to join that job still I feel like a idiot.Normal life is not serving me.From morning till I sleep I feel unsatisfied . I feel that I must be doing what I truly believe in. What I actually want to achieve.So I am gonna start doing what I think is good for me.No matter my mood or circumstances, I am gonna dedicate a set period of time each day to the things I love to do.
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Tbh brother, I also feel u have some serious potential. The heights u have achieved in nofap is no joke. U should try other fields of life now. Do whatever satisfies u. Yeah no need to say it must be a positive work. Btw congratulations for the job 
. It’s really important to have a backup support before entering the Strom. Pursue ur dream with the job.
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Thanks for the encouragement Thor brother. It means a lot to me.
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Pls I want ask you brother one question. During your journey, do you ever experience follow of semen after urinating. If yes pls how do you manage it.
Never bro , I think I don’t eat sugar products much that’s why. I only face nightfalls
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Can u tell me your profession of you don’t mind?
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My on profession is teaching
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Loneliness
It is very hard to tolerate loneliness.
And on top of that is FOMO as I am 27 and not enrolled in any college or course. I have no physical friend circle or any type of social circle.I am an introvert and problem is I hate moat of the people.
It is killing me.
I am not using phone much which means I am not escaping from my feelings anymore. That’s why I am now realizing that how lonely I am. I am left with no friend, no intimacy in my life. Noone with whom I can share my thoughts,time.It is very scary for me.
I am doing well regarding nofap. I never abstained these much days from mst. I was a fap addict since I was nearly 10.And never had I ever craved for a relationship.I stayed away from girls since childhood till now.I think I fear them.My mother used to beat me. My female tutor in childhood used to beat me. I rarely remember getting love by any female. Although my mother love me but still there is so much emotional distance with my mother.Many incidents happened in my childhood which affected my relations with girls.I never seen them as a normal human being. I had access to â– â– â– â– at very young age. I always imagined them as sex object.My neighbourhood environment also was not that good. I used to smoke too when I was child.
And now at 27, I am finally away from any addiction, any distractions like movie, social media.I am finally meeting myself, really discovering myself, my weaknesses, my strengths.And I find it very scary. And many people relapse again to avoid this feeling when you are alone with your thoughts and these thoughts are killing you.
People with unhealed traumas will always going to cling to any addiction which make them escape from their mind.
At positive note, I am happy that I am no more dependent on anything. I am free and growing everyday like a tree.
Thanks
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Hey brother…I feel bad for you because my condition is quite similar to you. All my friends are distant from me, and we rarely talk. I did my schooling in hostel, where students from different cities were enrolled. And when the school ended, everybody got distant from each other. So yeah I feel sometimes lonely too.
Don’t you have any job ? Try to interact with your colleagues. If u are unemployed then search for jobs. Also try to go on little trips and engage with people u find on the way. Don’t just stay at home, u are an adult now. Don’t be introvert. Also don’t remain stucked in childhood Trauma. Interact with girls in real life or online. Do something for your mental health brother. Life is short and simple, don’t complicate it.
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Thanks for your concern for me bro.Yes I cleared a recruitment test and they will call me in next month maybe.Till then I am going to follow your advice ane can’t sit at home like this. You too take care of yourself brother.
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