For those who are same as me and want to stop endless “reseting”.
I wish that this mini diary about myself, my life and my addiction help somebody, howewer true purpose behind it is to understand why i found myself in this “swamp” and where i should go and to share my opinion on everything.
I am 26 years old,
And i am addicted to porn, - how long?- i dont know, so to be autocritical i would say about… 18 years… why and where it started i cant remember, i always was silent and very separated kid i prefered to play alone, but i was happy. When i went to school i was very anti social (i am still but, working on it) so almost everyone in class bullied me, i accepted it as it was (how i surviwed it i dont know) never had a real friend until about 14, porn destroyed that friendship, i never had time to go out and use joy of teenager life, porn was always on first place for next years.
About two years ago i discovered that something is wrong with me, i spent lots of Time on porn sites in search for “this one special movie” and i wasted lots of it, then i found one of those “addiction apps” results were terrible i had to reset timers so often (about seven times a Day)
My best Time was 12 days 13 hours, i felt like a King of the world back then, my confidence levels were high and everything had colors i even had balls (well they were full right?) to talk to girls, never did that before on that scale and that felt amazing too “socially and emotionally accomplished” i still have to work on my confidence but first i need to get rid of porn for good, somebody here said “the more timer goes on the more painfull it is to reset it” wise words.
Never had girlfriend because of shit i found myself in, it is the most painfull thing for me, but in the same time i understand that my addiction does not walk in pair with this kind of relationship so i am not ready for it, this is also one of the reasons why i am where i am.
When “dark time” comes i feel lonely, when i feel lonely timer goes to zero again and again endlessly, when timer goes to zero i feel more sadness, then i question myself "should i end my life? or fight with urges and take a lesson from this fall, i always choose to fight so do you.
Conclusion is only one: masturbation and porn is the most Time consuming and pointless things to do in the world, ive watched lots of porn and i saw almost everything, rally trust me there is nothing to watch, and it is so boring…
I would like to share my “Golden thoughts” with everyone so somebody can use them in his own road:
You must be busy, or in your free time you will feel depressed and you know what gonna happen next,
Find yourself a hobby that can take lots of time,
Those girls in movies are very hot and always “ready” reality is different, remember that,
(you dont want to become psycho rapist piece of shit)
Dont “reset” for 3 days and reveal true power inside you, after 12 days you will be GOD of your life, more days will pass more God-like you will become.
Sometimes i work as waiter, i had to cooperate with one waitress, when “goodbye time” came, i just hug her and said “i love you” it was so funny and awkard as her Mother was there and she recieved one hug too haha.
In that time i realized that i love every woman in this world and i should treat them as sisters and mothers. Just like Jesus said.