[25 M] Salvation_seeker's journey

July’s 7th :
It’s the day I relapsed in after 109 days ( my longest streak ) . It’s been a constant struggle against urges from the time I wake up till I sleep, even though I try to fill my time with things I like. I was disappointed from myself that I had to reset the streak to something I truly despise and hate. I didn’t enjoy edging or watching these content for a single moment, but I succumbed to my worst desires. I think I should re-evaluate myself about what I did wrong to reach that point.

  • I think one of the reasons is that the urges came in an abnormal frequency the last few weeks with other irritating thoughts ; I think I should take again my medication for OCD. I should ask my psychiatrist.
  • I know that my faith was low on the last month, I wasn’t focusing while doing my daily prayers. I should repent to Allah by focusing in my prayer ; I should maintain a habit of reading Quran daily.
  • Lately, I was using social media for a lot of time , so I should gradually decrease its usage. That’s why instead of browsing FB and YT, I will try to post daily, or at least weekly, updated on my journey towards salvation. In addition, I will try to minimize the use of my mobile phone and make everything done on my laptop ; I will put the mobile phone away from me most of the time.
  • I acknowledge my failure today and hold full responsibility for it. I am disappointed of myself and feel upset about it. I will acknowledge those feelings, however I will not give up and will try again quitting this awful deed from now. For the sake of myself, my family, my companions, and most importantly for Allah.
    Pray for me guys.

8th June
At the end of yesterday, I didn’t let my defeat delay me from doing the tasks that I was supposed to do. I also focused more in my prayers and asked, and will keep asking, Allah forgiveness for my sin and strength against the urges.

Today, after visiting my dentist, I am going to plan my shifts in the surgery round ,that I am attending now, for the next 2 months. Moreover, I’ll try planning my study schedule.

I will keep up with my praying times and read 1 page of quran today. Then I’ll finish the day by playing a video game for a while.

Regarding social media, I will limit its use as much as I can. I will also focus on reminding myself why I should not give in to this bad habit as much as I can

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I Appreciate you
You can control it 109 day
We can do this man,we can fight it

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Thanks man, I hope this time I surpass this streak for many more days, even years

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8th July :

Yesterday, I managed to do all the tasks I planned.

Today, I started my day with the day shift in the hospital. I am still there but things are starting to calm down. Definitely no urges now.

I intend to pray ( keyam leil ) when I return home, and write 10 mins about a project that I am working on.

I should reconnect with many of my friends, so tomorrow I will call whom I miss and check on them.

I addition, I want to put a daily threshold of social media use to keep my consumtion of social media in check - when I figure it out , I will write it down here

10th july .
I just finished my ER shift. Many patients who needed help came to the ER. It was a tough day but I enjoyed it, even though I overslept :joy:. Luckily, I arrived to the hospital on time.
I am on my way home now after the 12 hours shift. Of course there wasn’t any urges during work, however I should pay attention when I return home and rest.
Tomorrow, I will start studying and continue my reading habit, so I hope that I finish all my goals , and in the same time I enjoy myself.

It’s been a while since I was active.

This previous period was full of good things, hardships, streaks, relapses and edging (unfortaunetly).

Now I am on my 26th day of my current streak, I noticed that I edged today. I really hate that, I hate that I did something which is clearly a sin and I don’t even enjoy it a bit. I hate it when I lose control, I sometimes feel lonely and I don’t want are to lose my self respect and to disappoint Allah.

Edging and relapses affect me spirtually, I feel as if it becomes harder to focus during prayer or listening to quran; it is devastating when I think of it.

I am also entering a new transitional stage in my life which will affect my future so i have to focus.

I will never give up, I don’t want to be a loser, I don’t want to be sad, and most importantly I don’t want to enter hell.