I BELIEVE!!
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Relapsed after 23 days (TRIGGER WARNING⚠️)
Reached 23rd day without caring about the streak. This was my highest in last 5 months. Today somehow I couldn’t hold and kept mindlessly surfing the hub. I have a wierd addiction. I don’t usually watch the videos but I browse and download images of the bi*ches. I get aroused with their dresses and poses. I used a bulk downloader to download 10GB images today. I jerked after watching some of them. Then, I deleted everything in shame and anger. Later, at night, I relapsed again twice.
Cause: I played chess till 1AM yesterday. I woke up tired and lazy. I didn’t do any work today. I browsed another website not related to pr0n but the search box gave suggestion of hub website. I felt urges and clicked in. Then, urges got higher and I started downloading pics. Tbh, I’ve been feeling strong urges at times after crossing 20th day.
I didn’t even feel urges upto 2 weeks. I was also doing fasting at times. I felt mentally strong and could think better. I feel a bit brain fog now, and can’t stop self-hatred feelings.
Lesson: Always stay busy with daily work. Don’t let the mind wander or get bored, give it something to focus on at all times.
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Fail 100 times still take another step, 101th time, you win!!
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Masterbase-on dangerous than Corona (Hindi)
हस्तमैथुन से सर्वनाश / अभी भी संभल जाओ
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Relapsed on 16th day ❎
I was feeling so proud of my journey. Mind was getting clearer and clearer upto day 11. On day 12, I went on public festival where I saw many girls, some with arousing dresses. I tried to look away but somewhere in my mind, it was stuck/saved. On day 13, I started getting some strong urges, still I managed to not give into it. Wasn’t giving much attention to the streaks. After two nightfalls, Idk why I started messing up my sleep and feeling lazy during the day, not being able to think straight to work productively. Today on day 16, until dinner, I didn’t even think of relapsing. But randomly, I listened to songs on spotify and some of them had really arousing thumbnails. I stupidly typed ■■■■ on YT and watched some shorts. My urge has increased so much that I went straight to web search for images. After sometime, I was on a site watching a video. I felt so disgusted and immediately closed the tab. After sometime, I started using YT where I found some accounts posting some stupid arousing videos. I again went back to the web and relapsed watching similar videos and gifs.
Feeling so shameful and also somewhat proud that I got to this day.
These mood swings and feelings of boredom has been occuring at a 14 day mark for too many attempts now. I constantly get reminded of things I used to watch and relapse to. I did resist today but I failed., I get some random erections during daytime. I hate my brain for thinking of having sex with my female friends or actresses altough I didn’t watch p.
One thing I noticed in my habits is that, at starting, I used to watch self improvement and nofap videos. I also had a fixed sleeping schedule, meditated and did yoga daily till day 9. Once the sleep schedule was messed up due to work, I couldn’t keep the same pace and brain started producing dirty thoughts. The 2 nightfalls ruined the thinking even more. I feel like not existing anymore after relapsing.
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Last time, I uninstalled my games. I stayed away from girls. Messed sleep ultimately led me to relapse.
This time…
- I’m gonna stick to a strict sleep schedule with compulsory meditation and yoga in the morning.
- I will watch at least one nofap video or read one chapter of EasyPeasy or YBOP daily.
- I’m gonna avoid girls at all cost, at least I won’t stare at them like a simp.
- I know PMO is not good for me. I’ll stay away from gadgets and internet during urges.
- No phone 2 hours before sleep and 2 hours after waking up.
- Limiting my time on useless apps like social media and music.
I promise I’m not gonna fap anymore.
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“What is bound to happen, one cannot stop!
What cannot happen, one cannot force!!”
10 गुना तेजी से ब्रह्मचर्य नाश की भरपाई | वीर्यवान और ऊर्जावान बन जाओगे
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Day-0
PMO! No matter how many times you broke me, I’ve always risen up. You’re not bringing me down this time!!
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Day 3✅
No bad thoughts. Recovering from fever and cold.
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Learned today: Iceberg Emotions
Emotions under the surface creates pornography usage.
Emotions drive your actions.
The more neutral or the less negative you feel, the easier it will be to quit pornography.
To change your emotions, we have to change our thoughts or be willing to change our thoughts.
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Learned today: What to do when it’s really difficult?
What’s difficult? → Not knowing how to handle discomfort…
- Discomfort from feeling your emotions (loneliness, stress, boredom, desires)
- Discomfort from learning how to process urges.
Develop Willingness to feel discomfort.
Change goal from “be able to quit pornography” to “be great at being uncomfortable”
Practice the Skill of learning how to process the emotions
- Nothing has gone wrong mindset (to practice feeling discomfort)
Be willing to feel the discomfort. Everything you want is on the other side of the discomfort. - Learn to process and sit with your emotions
“The better we are at discomfort, the more amazing our lives will be.”
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Learned today: Deprivation: feeling of wanting something that you desire
If we don’t want something, then we won’t feel deprived.
#1 Deprivation is caused by the desire of wanting pornography
- Deprivation can’t be fixed by setting limits (just one peek and I’ll stay away)
#2 We cause our own desire
- The brain loves dopamine and it remembers where, when, and how we get dopamine. When we watch it, a reward system is created…the more we watch it, the more we want it.
- Desire is an emotion, created by our thoughts. If I think I want it, I will desire it. We don’t want the same teddy bear anymore that we wanted so much in childhood.
- We want something because we train our subconscious to want it by looking at it and building dopamine patterns.
- “I want it but I can’t have it.” thinking makes us powerless. Focusing on the “NO” creates deprivation. If you tell your brain, “I don’t like it” then it will respond “You do like it”. So instead, say yes to the corn-free life. Instead, tell yourself, “I choose not to have it”.
If urges come, observe it, process it and say yes to the life that you really want.
Recap: In order to change our desire for pornography, we have to become someone who thinks different thoughts about pornography.
(Experiment for this week: Notice that your thoughts create desires for you)
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Will keep that in mind.
I was pursuing these ideals. It didn’t last very long. And then I forgot all about it. Your posts have served as a reminder of what I should be striving for and I thank you for that.
I love what you have shared lately and look forward to more.
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Learned today: Addiction Mindset (AM) vs. Growth Mindset (GM)
AM: Behavior is fixed and unchangeable.
GM: Nothing is permanent, not destined to struggle with PMO forever.
- How you view yourself matters…whether you call PMO an addiction or habit
Self-concept: “How you think” leads to “how you act/will be”
For example: If you tell yourself you’re awkward in social situations, you will end up acting awkwardly.
Without changing our beliefs about ourselves, things we do don’t sustain for long. - If you see yourself as an addict, you’re likely to go back to it.
If you see it as a habit, remember: any habit can be developed and undeveloped with practice.
- Your self-concept is just a choice, not just an observation of thoughts about yourself. It’s completely under your control. You can interpret your actions in a way that will create the future that you want.
- Define yourself for who you want to be instead of who you don’t want to be: (Accept GM: I’m learning to take care of my body, I’m becoming someone who doesn’t want PMO, I’m proud of myself for trying to quit)
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