I truly understand bro. Many of us having this addiction suffer from loneliness, stress and unhappy childhood. PMO seems to be our joy and a place to escape. But we now know it very well. It’s a devil to ruin our life. It doesn’t help with our situation but only makes things worse. It makes us even more lonely. It makes our life even more monotonous. We are even more separate with others. And we can surely make our life better when we quit it - we have more vitality to go jogging, hiking and playing sports, we become more confident talking with others and girls, our mind becomes crystal-clear to handle any work, our mind becomes more peaceful and at ease… So forget the past and go embrace our bright future!
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Our dear brother @ToThy has already given you some great advice.
I’ll add this. All these thoughts of doubt and fear are coming from the voice of addiction, the part of your brain that wants to keep you consuming pornography and fueling it with a steady supply of dopamine. Separate the brain from the real you. You are the one who wants to quit. You long to be free. You want to reach your 200+ streak and surpass it, to leave this addiction behind permanently and experience absolute joy and freedom. The real you is profoundly and painfully passionate about achieving that goal and knows that it is the best way for you to live your life. So, all thoughts that go against them are not your own.
Obviously, we can get confused because the brain is part of us, and it speaks to us in our thoughts as if it were us. It says, “I’ve seen something I shouldn’t have, I’m triggered now, I may as well relapse now because these images will linger with me and cause me to relapse eventually anyway.” That thought was NOT you. It came from the brain, trying to give you an excuse to go back to PMO.
The brain wants to convince you that you don’t have a choice, but it is lying to you. Of course, you have a choice. In reality, it is the brain that doesn’t have a choice. The brain is in charge of involuntary processes such as blood pressure, heartbeat, cell repair, keeping us breathing, digestion and so on. But it has no control over voluntary behaviour. It cannot make you relapse.
Nothing can besides you. No person, no circumstance, no event, no emotion, nothing can cause us to relapse against our free will. I may be having the worst mood, I may have received some terrible family news, I may be using a device with absolute access to the Internet with no blocking software, and someone sends me a thumbnailed link to a ■■■■ video I watched hundreds of times in the past and ‘enjoyed’, and it is still my choice whether I watch that video or not. Someone could say the thumbnail triggered me; I recognised the video, I had heard that a family member died, I was depressed, and my phone’s environment was ripe for a PMO relapse due to no restrictions. Yet, none of these scenarios removed my free will.
The brain sees the high supply of dopamine from PMO as necessary for your survival. This is like when our ancestors found a food source that would satisfy them through the winter or when they mated and produced new human beings to carry on humanity’s destiny. It wants to keep you in the PMO loop. It believes this is in your best interest; it is trying to save your life. That’s why the voice is so commanding and authoritative inside your mind. It sounds convincing and powerful because it is the same voice we’d hear if a tiger were chasing us or if we needed to find water fast to prevent dying of thirst. But you always know the truth. You know that PMO is ruining your life, not improving it. You know you would be so much happier without it. You have a lifetime of experience to prove that. The brain cannot remember the pain PMO has caused you; it just remembers that activity was high in dopamine. You alone have access to your memories. The pain you felt after each relapse. The opportunities PMO has taken from you. And you alone can make projections into the future and see what your life would be like if you continue to be an addict.
Remember that you are in control. You gain absolutely nothing good from PMO, despite what thoughts may come to mind. The real methods of meeting your needs - relieving loneliness and stress, healing from depression and anxiety, finding excitement and novelty in life, joy, peace and human connection - the methods to meet these needs are all found outside of addiction, not within it.
You have a choice. The solution is not found in blocking software. Blocking software is a dance of the brain, a hidden trap. It wants you to think that if something slips through the cracks of the software, you are justified in peeking, watching, edging, and orgasming. To remove responsibility for the act from you and place it on the environment. “It’s not me; the Internet is just filthy, but what can I do? I still have to use it to study, work, communicate with friends, and for entertainment…” It is a never-ending battle because no filter is perfect. Every blocking software has loopholes. You will never be able to block all the pornography on the Internet. There is ■■■■ on Google Strict SafeSearch. There is ■■■■ on YouTube Restricted Mode. You can even access ■■■■ using the Rewire Companion app. I have met a brother in real life who completely blocked the internet from his computer and used a dumb phone - a keypad phone - yet he would buy a new smartphone every time he wanted to relapse. The only way to escape is to take back your self-control. The environment doesn’t cause you to relapse. The ■■■■ on the Internet doesn’t cause you to relapse. It is a choice to watch or not to watch. And you are in control. You can make better choices for yourself and say No.
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Thank you dear brother!
It makes sense. Sometimes our brains tell us that we are unique or that our suffering and story is dompletely different and that’s why we can’t get successful here (like other people) but actually it is very much similiar. Very similiar story, and yeah that made us feel like using p. is a good idea or will solve our problems and end our sufferings.
It would be amazing to be free, you are right. I AM free.
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Dear older bro,
i read all what you wrote. Thank you for taking the time and giving me this real talk.
It makes sense. I never thought about blockers in that way. Makes sense.
Also I think one other benefit of not using blockers is that you look back and say to yourself, these last 14 days I could have looked up p. but I always made the right choice, the rational choice. And that sort of thinking when looking back can give you more encouragement, right? Like a snowball but with ‘willpower’ for lack of better word. It can cement your initial choice to live a free life. Atleast I think it was like this with me.
I really apreaciated your response, bro. It made me rethink some of the things. Also that that voice in that moment is not the real me.
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2 days completed. All good.
A bit under the weather though but it will be over in a couple days, I’m sure. Will take it easy with workouts. But i fasted today so I think that had a good impact on the whole body
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3 days completed. All good, today I looked better again. Got myself a haircut and things are improving.
I want to get back to studying and reading again. Also to working out but better to wait a little to get over the cold completely.
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Back on track brother, great to see! Keep going man 
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Thank you brother 
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Started reading again today… Last year I had read so much, this year not so much and this was weighing heavy on me. But today I started again. And it felt so good to learn something, increases my confidence for sure.
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I have a feeling of hope suddenly. Something I had lost over the months. I feel an urge to improve myself again. To get back to my best shape and surpass it
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Hope is a beautiful thing brother. Fuel it with your imagination and hold onto it. Let it carry you forward towards a better future 
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Won’t be online for a while. But all is good, things are slowly improving.
I’ll keep you updated.
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I’m feeling better. Thank God.
No Internet in the evening after a certain hour + exercising a lot has been helpful. I have been cleaning my home and doing those good things is becoming easier. Still in the beginning stages but I’m slowly getting into a shape again that I’m proud of.
Have been taking creatine for the first time, I think that had some benefits in that regard too.
The only thing I want to improve is coffee and energy drinks. I will limit it to one coffee a day from tomorrow on.
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This is the way brother 
Keep going ahead. You are powerful man
God bless you
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Thanks so much, brother
God Bless!
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I’m back! Hello everyone!
I had good times and challenging times. I had started to train more consistently about 60 days ago and this months I trained more intensively, sometimes twice a day, so I changed a lot physically. I think I’m almost in the best shape of my life. So I am happy about that.
On the other hand, about a week ago, I saw p. again after what must have been 2-3 weeks. This made me lose all hope and energy. So I have been training less and reading less. Now yesterday I fell off the wagon again, albeit not to p. So today is day 1.
Eventhough I was not on SR really (about 5-7 days of abstinence often) I still felt a little better and had more moments of interaction with people. Spoke to people I saw outside often but felt I had nothing in common so didn’t bother approaching them, now I approached more and more people, and they seemed to enjoy the talk. So this was really something I did out of my comfort zone and felt proud of myself. So, I know I can approach people I don’t know yet and will broaden my social circle when I walk the right path.
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Yesterday I did not succeed ngl. But today I did.
Today I did everything I could. I took care of myself, got a haircut etc. Also had an important phone call, and thank God, I’m delighted that it went really well.
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Great bro, seems you’re now on a right track. Keep focusing on your life, strive to becoming a better you and pursue your true happiness!
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Thanks bro,
sometimes I’m switching between forums, and might not get to update here. But thank God, things are slowly improving.
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That’s great news brother. 1% better every day.
What other forum are you on?
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