[20M] From the Ashes: Reborn

Diary
#1

Day 1 complete

Mind is playing games as of no instant benefits, only a teeny tiny improvement… it’s always the toughest when on my online courses days -being at home- or later in the evening after practical work.

It’s like; you can use your body and imagery for those ‘instant forced so-called benefits’, why wait till it’s spontaneous as I progress to 100% recovery. Yet my potential future partner deserves better… I deserve better… and I should be ready for her and for life.

Kind of no urges so far… just deep sadness and being depresso, guess it’s how it feels detaching from a weaker self into something better.

Day 1 is something to write down and is something to hold me accountable for I ventured an hour so far into Day 2

Wish you and me luck…

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#2

One of the hardest things you already have done, which is make the choice to start the nofap. Now all you have to do is keep focused and never give up. I wish you luck in your journey👊

2 Likes
#3

Day 3 completed a few hours ago.

Started working out after almost a month.

I can feel my head is clearer, lesser thinking of images, etc.

More concerned thoughts for when the ups are to spring up, only downs, and guilt of having not quit the habit earlier [20yo atm] to not witness its drawbacks.

Surprisingly but quite concerning, no urges so far… kind of a ‘dull-state’ which is a bit worrying might I say… mmm but will see how things go…

Almost half a week done, that’s something

Replaced nighttime PMO with listening to some relaxing narrative of novels to not feel alone, and any possible ‘peeking’ kind of art, image, etc. has been deleted…

Hope you’re going strong, you’re not alone

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#4

Day 4 complete

Don’t know if I’ve hit the flatline, but it feels as if ran on by a truck. Feels more of an urge to wanting relapse to see if I am still me or not, yet relapsing is most hated at the same time.

Clearer mind of PMO, more busy with the mental and physical health being at an all low.

The last 3 days were not as lonely, as sad or as depressing as this one was, but I hope it’s better onwards.

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#5

Day 7 - 1st week complete

First four days have been nothing but feeling so down, depressed, no urges.

Day 5 was feeling empty

And on days 6 and 7, I finally got my dreams back, been months since I last had a dream. Urges are starting to crawl up though.

So far, the pros:
•Less and less thinking of images, videos, etc. which really aids in developing a clearer mind
•Body improvement
•Feeling more confident

On to a PM-free life.

On we go :v:

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#6

That sounds great bro
Good luck, keep going :slight_smile: :mechanical_arm: :muscle:

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#7

Day 9 complete

Woke up a bit late, been 2 weeks of final practical/clinical work exams, but it’s over for the moment.

Urges are quite stronger than before, but so far I am kind of like… setting up the defense lines.

A day of rest before getting back to studying.

The pros of PM-free life are quite felt and are too precious to let them go to waste now.

Cho cho, day 10 next!

#8

Day 10

Woke up to online lectures, then studied for tomorrow.

Later in the evening I ran some errands…

and almost relapsed, was so horny today as of what I dreamt, and started getting into it an for a moment an hour ago but I got up, drank water, put on something to listen to while watching some live stream.

Still feeling that tingling burning sensation, but I gotta breath and maybe try meditation.

Feeling empty again…

Hope it gets better