[20 M] ShoeBox's Diary

Im still getting used to this app and how it works so if this post is in the wrong area/forum i apologize in advance. I recently wrote this message in the community board:

“This is my first post on here, however I’ve had the app for a little while. Let me start by saying I have been addicted to pornography and masturbation for roughly 14 years now. I was introduced to it at a young age and ever since then it’s been a staple in my life. Despite my addiction I’ve managed to keep a decent life with friends, girlfriends, family, and I’ve even found my own place. But I feel like my addiction is taking over my life now more than ever. I’m always so tired because I’ll stay up watching porn, instead of studying for school I’ll watch porn, I’m late to work because I’ll watch porn, it’s even gotten to the point where I’m spending less and less time with my actual girlfriend just to watch porn. Sometimes I feel depressed with how far I fall behind all because of this demon inside of me, sometimes I even feel suicidal. However I won’t let that be the story of me, starting today I’m a changed man. I look through these forums and see so many of you breaking your addictions and doing no fap and it’s so inspiring to me. I will catch up on my school work, be more punctual at work, and spend more time with those I love. Most importantly, I will not let this demon keep hold of my life any longer.”

Seeing this “diary” section on the forum made me realoze i could keep track of my progress and hopefully some of you will take interest and join me on my journey. Lets stay strong brothers :muscle:

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Hi there @EmptyShoeBox :wave:
Damn bro, if you’re 20 years old and being 14 addicted that means you started fapping at 6 :fearful:
Brother, remember how your life was happier before PMO remember that it’s a demon who only exist to destroy us, Remember that people want to break free for a reason :muscle:

You might think that this is the case, Nofap will make your life better :blush:

ui-ultra-instinct-goku

Glad you started a Diary bro :clap::clap::clap:
By the way, your profile pic reminds me of @BlackMagic123 :joy:

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DAY 2: Fail.

I had a very long and stressful day at work, almost 11 hours straight with no break. By the time i got home i was so out of it that i loaded up some porn and did my business without even thinking about it. I fell asleep shortly after and when i woke up i was so disappointed in myself. I honestly didnt even want to post about it because of how ashamed i felt. However i know honesty and being true to my failures and successes is the oly way i can improve. Despite my failure i managed to get some school work done and made a really nice dinner for me and my girlfriend. Tomorrow ill come back stronger.

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This is technically day 4 but i forgot to post yesterday. After my failure on day 2 I have successfully bounced back and havent had the same thing happen. Although I started watching porn a few times I caught myself and stopped before I relapsed. It is now day 4 and I’m on my way back to the gym for the first time in 3 months. I’m feeling strong brothers, and im hoping you are all having the same strength to keep going! :muscle:

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Day 5: Failure. STRESSED AND ANGRY

So i relapsed last night, twice. Was arguing with my girlfriend and as soon as i got some alone time i relapsed, hard. I feel so weak and undisciplined. I missed class today at school and i have an exam coming up and im not prepared for it. It hasnt been a week and already its becoming an emotional roller coaster. I still want to get better. Brothers, please any advice to avoid this demon that keeps taking over me.

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You both lives together ?

Yeah we do, we dont argue very often so when we do its very frustrating.

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Then I think you can easily quit this PMO addiction. Try to keep yourself busy with your works and then in free time try to spend that time with your gf. You have a big opportunity to quit this so don’t waste it buddy.
All the Best :zap:

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Thanks man, been focusing a lot of energy into studying and working out. Today i got a whole day planned with my gf, just tryna stay busy and focused :muscle:

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Day 6: Rollong with the punches

Fell asleep really late last night so I missed my 8am lecture. Im realizing I need to also work on my sleep schedule. On the bright side no relapse with only a few small urges that I was able to supress. Been studying getting ready for my exam tonight. Wish me luck brothers and remember to stay strong! :muscle:

Day 9: Bumpy road

Sorry for my absence but work has been draining me. Not even sure how my progress is going bc while im fighting the urge i still catch myself watching pornography. My classes are failure and i fear ill end up stuck at my part time job forever.

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Day whatever: Dealing with failure.

No, im not giving up. But as of today I have dropped out of college. Im fighting a mental breakdown as I type this post. My addiction to porn/masturbation was a big part of this decision, but it wasn’t the primary reason. My procrastination, horrible time management, and inability to commit to bettering myself has led me right here. I feel like a failure, like my chances at a better future are diminishing. And its all my fault. The truth is, I can post on here, ask for help, make “plans” to change, but none of that will change my situation unless I can get myself to STICK TO THE PLANS. I don’t know who I am anymore, all I know is I’m not who I thought I was.