This is a diary I will be entering in every day, tracking my day along with any thoughts I have.
If anyone stumbled across this, please take the time to subscribe to my YouTube channel as I will be looking to start posting on there soon. I’m very grateful for the support.
This is it. May God bless us all.
Preface:
Today I believe I have made one of the greatest mental decisions I have ever made in my nearly 18 years of life. 27/07/24 will remain an important date in my life so long as I remain on task.
The reason I say this is because I spent time reflecting on my thought processes while trying to conquer this addiction. I have been living with a ■■■■ addiction since I was 13 and since mid 2023 I have been trying to break free, albeit unsucessfully. The longest streak I have managed during this period was roughly 30 days. There was my first problem - I refused to accept that this was not about streaks, which carry the inherent meaning that a relapse is inevitable, and rather that I was supposed to be a lifestyle and new way of living. This way of thinking made me feel good in the short term, but upset me in the long term.
This is an uphill struggle all about delayed gratification. It will be hard, I know it will, but this is what it’s about. It’s about coming back a changed individual and learning from your mistakes. Approaching the situation with a different mindset and being laser focused on solving the issue at hand.
I also find that trying to remove this ■■■■ addiction has led me to try and remove other detractors from my life, such as added sugar consumption (which I am actively cutting out from my diet) and replacing these with more positive uses of my time like cooking, going to the gym, walking my dogs more often and reading my Bible.
Religion has been one of the main reasons for starting this diary. I believe this journey will change me physically, mentally, and most of all spiritually, and I am very keen to document my progress. I thank God that I have found such a great group of soldiers all willing to fight on the battlefield daily against ■■■■ addiction. Whether we are winning or losing the battle, our courage to even confront our enemy face to face provides us with a great starting point.
May God bless us all.
DAY 1 - Sunday 28th July 2024
This is technically day 3 for me but for the sake of this diary, it will be day 1.
I did not do much today. My family had a barbecue so obviously I was ready to tuck right in (as were my dogs). I also made preparations for a cup final in Fortnite Football (soccer) of all things. Weird, I know, but it has led me to find an amazing community of people. My preparations led me to perform drills with my attacking teammates (I play as a defender) and this opened my eyes to something which I believe could be an important life lesson. For me, the best way to improve my defending is to play against attackers and stop them from scoring. In table tennis (a sport which I play competitively) I often get better at attacking by overturning defensive shots and turning control of the point over into my favour. Same with life. The Bible teaches us that in order to gain strength over Satan, we must know how he attacks, so we can then defend…
II Corinthians 2:11 NKJV
[11] lest Satan should take advantage of us; for we are not ignorant of his devices.
And this is the battle which we face daily. Many of us know our triggers but it is about now taking defensive action to defend ourselves against it. We can delete social media but if I get tempted to redownload it, I may have potentially failed defensively or made my first blunder in the mental game of chess.
Now I see this, I have made a list of the triggers which I have in my room, serving as a consistent reminder of how Satan attacks me.
May God bless us all on our journeys.
DAY 13: Saturday August 10 2024
I have been on holiday for a while relaxing, so I wasn’t really equipped to post any updates. However before I left, I did relapse. As I previously mentioned, this wasn’t really much of an issue for me as I am trying to make this into a lifestyle. Talk is talk and that’s it. I can talk all I want about I’m not gonna do it again but it is my actions that will govern the outcome each day.
I arrived back on Thursday and am now setting up my plans and next moves on the chessboard of life. Here are some things I am looking to work on:
I turn 18 in just over a month and this Bible verse continues to ring true in my ears:
1 Corinthians 13:11
When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things.
It is time for me to put away the things which prevent me from fulfilling the purpose which God has for me, like video games, excessive social media and partying, and rather to lock in. I think this should be a testament to all of us. We must someday make the decision to start becoming men of drive, purpose and discipline.
May God bless us all.
SEPTEMBER: TALK IS ####ING TALK
September is upon us!
Just over 2 weeks from turning 18 and my final year of school starts in 2 days. Safe to say I’m excited for the journey ahead. Still on this grind too. I fell many times, but of course we get back up.
Let’s make this next year worth living. God willing I’m gonna kill it this year.
Also I’m gonna be more active here, I’m documenting every day.
No days off. Talk is talk.
Love you guys 
no diddy
A RENEWED FIGHT
Today was a hard day in which I fell back. It’s a shame but it has left me with more determination and hatred of this nonsense. I’m not trying to fight back, but I’m trying to defeat my opponent.
I’m getting into the ring, stepping onto the battlefield. All these fighters usually take 6-8 weeks out to truly charge up, no fapping, ready for their fights. It’s time for me to do the same. I’ve got some of the biggest exams of my life around 7 weeks from now. The aim is to charge up so I can be at a better level of performance.
Cheers everyone and see you soon.
TUESDAY SEBTERMBER 3 2024 - FIRST DAY OF PREPARATION
Day one of preparations have gone swimmingly. First day of the new academic year starts tomorrow. It has come to this. The time has come to lock in.
i wish all of you who are enduring this test all the best. I pray for all of you that you achieve your goals and that you can endure the challenges coming your way.
love you guys
FIRST DAYS BACK
School has returned. I have my exams in 7 weeks so I am looking forward to it. Still on this current journey. Day 4. Pleased with the progress but we still got more to go. More motivated than ever.
All the best to you guys.
**21ST APRIL 2025**
Well, fellas. It has been a while. Haven’t been on here for a minute but I had to come back. It’s treacherous alone so I came back to what I know.
18 now. It’s time to man up and stop falling into temptation. I’m gonna come on here and say something every day, even if its stupid. At least it lets me know that I have brothers here who are also on the same road.
> Two are better than one,
> because they have a good return for their labor:
> If either of them falls down,
> one can help the other up.
> But pity anyone who falls
> and has no one to help them up.
22ND APRIL 2025
I returned for the next day! That’s a start.
I have had a good day, and kept the run going. It’s now all about getting the wheels in motion and getting more work done.
I think everyone has the same issue. Working is good, but its difficult to actually start working. Once you enter that working flow state, it’s just amazing, getting there is a real struggle. It’s something I have to work towards - having the discipline to get started and begin progressing. It’s the same reason I lack the ability to truly start streaks because telling myself to begin something long-term is hard. I’m entering unknown territory.
But this is why I write my days down. It’s about leaving a mark, looking back on something we will be proud of and say I am proud of what I started when I begin to receive rewards from whatever process I have started.
But ᴛᴀʟᴋ ɪꜱ ᴛᴀʟᴋ. It’s easy to say you are making a change. But acting upon it is a next thing.
See you tomorrow.
ECCLESIASTES 5:7
Talk is cheap, like daydreams and other useless activities. Fear God instead.
24TH APRIL 2025
Today was the end. Last ever day of school. I will never forget the memories I produced with some of my greatest friends, and it hurts to know the inevitable - I may never see or hear from some of them ever again. But this is how life is - we must move on from previous experiences and onto the new things which await us.
I missed yesterday because I was exhausted, but nevertheless we continue on. I’m trying to become a better person, closer in my faith, and stronger in my will and masculinity. It will be hard, but I must make sure I keep coming back to talk. A legacy is being created here and now.
But ᴛᴀʟᴋ ɪꜱ ᴛᴀʟᴋ. The acting upon it starts now with study leave. I have more time to succeed; I also have more time to fail however. It’s now or never.
See you tomorrow.
PROVERBS 14:23
Work brings profit, but mere talk leads to poverty.
You are on the path of it ! Counting on you and wishing to see your legacy to grow brother ! Btw uploading videos on your channel when?
very soon brother once I am done with exams
25TH APRIL 2025
I honestly have nothing to say. Woke up. Worked. And back to sleep. A quiet day, but also quite productive. Putting my best foot forward. See you tomorrow.
29TH APRIL 2025
Damn I been gone for ages. I’ll be honest I relapsed yesterday but I’m still not deterred. Got a gym session in to remind myself that this isn’t a short term journey, but in fact long term progression.
I will be more consistent. See you tomorrow.