You’re right, I don’t have time to dwell on what already happened, I can now only accept that it did happen and move on with a new understanding about myself.
I feel like Snapchat is what led to this relapse looking back on it. I was constantly checking to see if any girls posted anything new. It’s hard to admit it, but that’s what I was doing. So, I am going to delete Snapchat and only text a few people. I knew Snapchat was bad but I was finding little excuses not to delete it. Which eventually led to a relapse.
I felt like I was just letting the days pass by without doing anything productive. That’s because I somewhat forgot about my dreams. Which then led to me not doing anything whatsoever to improve myself. I haven’t boxed in awhile, maybe I fell out of love with it? I’ll take as much time as I need to find answers.
It’s going to be hard, but I’ll do it. I won’t let you down!
I will be sure that you’re the first person I message if I get an urge! Thank you for everything! I promise you, I will never relapse again.
@Svami-MahaGanja Yes you’re right, I have learned a lot about myself with this streak. If anything I proved to myself that I can overcome much more than I think. Thank you man, I appreciate it.
@Tagore I’ve always admired how strong you are brother. You inspire me to do great things. I’ll try not to get down on myself, because there is not point in doing so.
I’m all in man, this is only a bump in the road. I’ll learn from this mistake and grow stronger because of it. We got this.
@Sacred Your words give me courage that I am capable of being free from this addiction. I will never ever relapse again. I am sick and tired of porn. I’m so sick of it having so much control over me. No matter what, I will not fall. I choose freedom. I’ll learn from my mistakes and I will come back stronger than ever. I won’t relapse again brother.
Yes I relapsed yesterday, as all of you may already know. Even though I relapsed, I didn’t let that ruin my day. I actually had a great day today believe it or not. Ofc I was sad and angry but then I came to terms with it. Everyone’s support helped me so much and I’m grateful for such amazing people on this app.
I came to terms with myself at about noon and realized that I have no control of what already happened so I might as well make the most of it. So I did just that. Before noon I was convinced that I wasn’t going to CrossFit today. Just because I relapsed. But then after talking to myself I realized that I need to do this for myself. If I want to gain muscle mass and become stronger, this is something I have to do. I told myself, “who cares if they notice that you are on lower energy levels, I’m doing this for me and no one else but me. I don’t care what they think.” (People I see on a regular basis used to notice when I relapse, they used to say stuff like, “are you okay? What’s wrong? Is everything alright?” Which sucks because I have to lie and say I’m fine.) So yeah, I got a good workout in thankfully. After that I did a yoga class with my mom and I loved it. I’ve never done yoga before but it’s something I always wanted to try. It was a really good experience. It was challenging but also relaxing at the same time.
I’ve reflected on myself and realized that I just wanted to trade a pmo addiction for a sex addiction. Which is not what I want to accomplish out of no fap. I don’t want to have to depend on sex or pmo to make me feel happy. I want to get free from this horrible cycle of needing sex/pmo to be happy. I want to generate my own happiness, my own way of life that doesn’t revolve around sex or pmo. I will strive to be a man who is much more than just wanting sex.
Also you should watch this if you already haven’t.
Today I felt unproductive because I didn’t workout. I didn’t workout because my whole body is so sore from CrossFit lol. But I was productive in another aspect of my life, I finished an essay for online school. I have to finish this class before this month is over and I’m not going to lie, I hate school so much. I hate it more than anything and I always have. It causes so much anxiety and depression everytime I even attempt to do some work. I try to muster up motivation but it doesn’t work, that’s how much I don’t like it. But I did do some work today even though it made me depressed for awhile.
I didn’t meditate today, instead I spent a lot of the day watching anime. Also I realized that I really was addicted to Snapchat because I’m having withdrawal symptoms. But the pain is worth it. Even if it may not seem like it right now.
I’ve been feeling super lonely lately, because I deleted snapchat and that girl I always talk about got her phone taken away so we can’t text. But this just proves how much I needed to get rid of social media. I’ll bare the feeling of being alone because I know it’s for my own good.
I forgot to do homework today so now I’m paying the consequences for it. I now am going to stay up and work on it. Because I can’t afford to not do anything. Or else I will fail the class.
Today I had CrossFit and I feel like I didn’t push as hard as I could’ve. I started off strong, but the moment I felt like throwing up, I slowed down. I want to be unstoppable. I can’t let something like that stop me. I’m a little disappointed with myself but it happens.
Today I realized that I care way too much about what other people think about me. I’m not sure if it’s because I relapsed recently or if I’m always like this, but I caught myself worrying about what other people were thinking about me while I was at CrossFit and when I’m out in public in general. Does anyone know how not to do this? Because my goal is to not be such a people pleaser and only focus on myself no matter what.
Also I just wanted to let you people know that relapsing is not an option. I will never relapse again. No matter what the urges are. Porn is no longer apart of who I am. It has no control over me. I’m going to prove myself that I am capable of making a positive change in my life. Staring right now, i will work my ass off to become one of the best boxers. I will not lose. I will be so good, it’s inevitable that I become recognized by many. Boxing is my passion, so I will do whatever it takes to insure I’m the best version of myself. This is the beginning of my journey. I will never stop growing. I challenge you to also find your passion and pursue it like your life depended on it. Time on this earth is scarce, so you might as well spent the time you’re given to do what you love. Tommorow isn’t even promised, you could die any moment. So seize this time to do what you love. Mold yourself into something you’d be proud to look back on. Prove to yourself that you can. I believe in you.
All the best for your journey man. Work hard. Give your 100% every single day. You can make it. You have the strength within you.
Above all, learning boxing will make you mentally tough as well.
Nofap + boxing will make you a beast, Unbeatable in life and career. Keep going.
There are dedicated boxers.
Then there are dedicated No Fapping Boxers.
I think and hope that @Rezboy247 is in this stage and one day I’ll see him in the news.
Bro when you make it to boxing news tell us your name so we know who the champion on the news is
@debellator I also believe this. I will make this dream become reality through hard work!
My name is Dauntee, and I will be the best boxer this world has ever seen. It might take awhile for me to be on the news and mainstream media, but I will get there no matter what!
Yes I relapsed again. I was ashamed to tell you guys this and that’s why there wasn’t a journal entry last night. I was trying to convince myself that I wasn’t ever going to relapse again but deep down I knew that it would eventually happen. After 38 days clean from pmo, and then suddenly getting exposed to the thing I was trying so desperately to get away from destroyed me mentally. I was suffering in silence and was too naive to ask for help. I just feel so defeated after failing at such a high streak that I lost all willpower to better myself. I felt so defenseless. So I relapsed again. Now I’m paying the price for it because I feel so empty now. I don’t feel like myself. I was tempted to relapse right before I started writing this but, it’s either I choose a life of instant gratification or delayed gratification. If I relapse now, I would already be solidifying my future as a nobody. So I will keep fighting every single day if that’s what it takes. I hate porn. I hate that I grew up watching it. But now I have no choice but to fight with everything I have.
Don’t think about relapse so much. Think about your dream of becoming a boxer. You relapsed, it’s okay , just move on.
You lost nothing. You are still LIGHT YEARS ahead of the Rezboy247 in the parallel universe who is not trying at all to get rid of this shit. You are 38 days ahead of that jerk.
Even I used to regret and make myself feel bad after relapse excessively. But it never helped. It Drew me more into the addiction. A little bit regret is okay, but don’t stay upset the entire day.
Just focus on your goal. Everything else will fall into its place .
Thanks you too! @comingclean
Im feeling the affects of relapsing, but I’ll be sure to make some new habits so that this streak is more meaningful than my last one!
I never want to go back.
Today I realized that all of the benefits of no fap were gone. Well, I realized they would be gone if I relapsed but today I experienced it first hand. My confidence was gone when I was talking to a teacher from my school (I had to turn in papers for online school). Usually she and I talk a lot about other things besides school but today it almost seemed like she didn’t want anything to do with me. Also a girl that I text is replying with super short answers when before she would carry the conversation. It’s not affecting me at all but I just thought it was cool to know that there is some sort of “female attraction” even though I was always sceptical about it.
Anyways, today I realized why I want to never go back to my old lifestyle that consisted of mainly pmo. I never want to go back because I don’t want to be a “nice guy/beta/people pleaser.” Porn has sculpted me to be someone who I’m not, and that is a nice guy. I truly believe that if I was not addicted to porn, I would not be like this. So this is a strong reason I want to never watch porn again. I want to be someone who doesn’t feel the need always be nice to people even when its not necessary. I’m just rambling but hopefully some of you understand where I’m coming from.
Also, should I make a daily checklist like most of the people with diary’s on this forum?
Well, I don’t know much, but I suggest you, not to overthink. It is possible they (your teacher and that girl) had some problems in their own lives or they were busy. Or they had a very bad day.
I mean you cannot simply draw direct correspondence between your relapse and female attraction all the time. I mean, once I had 30+ day streak and no girl talked to me. And one day after relapse, the most awesome girl in my college, out of nowhere, started talking to me.
I think you feel like everything that happens is revolving around you which is not the case
You are only 16. Even I was like you, at your age.
Yeah, you should. Even I’m starting it from today.
Today I literally spent all day working on this class to get my grade up last minute. Sadly, I think I did not pass and tonight was the last day to turn stuff in. It’s 100% my fault and I will pay the consequences for this. I’m not blaming anyone but myself for this. I will learn from it and grow because of it.
But yeah, I had zero urges today which is great. Honestly, I’m going to start practicing the law of attraction because I truly believe it works. Today was just so crazy I didn’t get to do that but tommorow I will. I’ll use the law of attraction to never relapse again! I truly believe that im going to never watch porn again. I’m done with this stupid addiction. I hope you guys are with me!
Tommorow I’ll start doing home workouts since everything has closed down near me due to the Corona virus. So I will be doing a combination of calisthenics (body weight excersises) and boxing workouts. I want to gain all the skills that I’ve lost due to the surgery I went through. So I’ll use this time wisely and not let it go to waste! Besides that I had a super stressful day but I’m glad it’s over now! Have a great day/night people!
