[17 M] Rezboy247 "Hard Mode" journal

Diary
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Date: 6/21/2020, Monday
Streak: 37 days

I feel amazing today. I feel alive. I’m confident to say that my flatline is over. Today I switched to a vegan diet and also started going back to a CrossFit gym. I pushed myself so hard that I was so close to puking. But I felt great. A little rusty, but that’s just because I haven’t been doing anything physical at all the past few weeks. I truly feel happy. It’s been hard to imagine what it would feel like after the worst flatline I’ve ever had, but it was worth all of the suffering I had to endure. People on this app really helped me when I was at my lowest, i am so thankful because I’m not sure if I could have done it without all of your support. You guys made the pain bearable. So thank you, each and every one of you.

I will never relapse. I will prove to myself that I’m more capable than I think. Not watching porn is apart of my life now. It’s something that I will continue to do for the rest of my life. I used to think that watching porn was the best thing life had to offer. It’s almost funny how wrong I was. This feeling I’m experiencing right now is so much better than any kind of external pleasure. It’s something I’ve never felt before and I never want to go back to my old ways. This is just the beginning. I’m going to find purpose in life and strive to do what I love every single day. I will never look back.

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Also, I need someone’s advice right now. So don’t be shy to reply even if someone else already answers. Any input will help me greatly because I’m in a pickle.

Warning, there are potential triggers ahead
So that girl I have a crush on invited me to hangout with her while she is home alone. I want to go hangout with her a lot but things might escalate and lead to you know what. I’m not sure if I should have s*x because then I would have to reset my streak and start from scratch. I really like her and I always have. And of course I would like to get intimate with her because she’s special to me. (I’m also still a virgin) But I’m torn between no fap and intimacy. Will this count as a relapse? Will all my progress be lost? Should do this? I’m undecided if I should make a move on her. Because I really want to, but is it just because I’m still addicted to porn? Ugh I don’t know. I need help.

@Tagore @Attempt_Two_Electric_Boogaloo @Sacred @Svami-MahaGanja I need your guy’s help, please.

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Only you can judge if it’s love or lust. I can’t see inside your brain.
If my crush asked me the same thing, I would do it, but in the end, it’s up to you to consider whether you want to or not. If you feel that your addiction has not yet healed sufficiently, then you probably shouldn’t do it, as it would set you back in the long run. You must always be aware of the chaser effect.

If you conclude that it’s not something you want to do, which is totally fine, it’s your own body, then you could explain the situation to her and explain nofap. She might not understand the concept of porn addiction, but I’m absolutely sure she will understand your choice and respect it.

The idea of chastity is to keep sex special, so you don’t go around f*cking the whole town, but she does sound like a very special girl, like one in a million.
To add to that, it’s also about being able to love eachother seperately from physical attraction, in a more emotional way. If you love her even without having sex, or having the expectation of having sex, it’s probably not lust.

Enough babbling, I think you need to decide if you’re ready right now. If you think you’re not, you could set a certain streak amount at which you will be intimate with her. If you think you are ready, go ahead. If you explain to her why you want to wait, she will definitely understand. It’s definitely not an obligation to have sex with a girl you like, only if you want to. I think setting a certain streak amount could be a good motivation for your streak, and it would mean you’re more ready for it. If you were to relapse, you would be less ready for it, therefore you’d have to wait longer.

I’ll be glad to hear what others have to say,
And I hope you get to make a decision with which you’re happy.

Take care :slight_smile:

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I would say go for it bro :wink:. Sex is not porn or masturbation. We cannot compare it with PMO bullshit. Sex when mixed with love creates magic.It has the power to take your thoughts and feelings to a higher level. From your words, I believe you are very much into her. If you love her and you both are serious and enjoy each others company, then go for it. Iam a virgin. But from what I’ve read and heard from experienced men, I believe, sex is good (with your loved one). You won’t feel tired. @neo_150 told me you can have sex for the whole day and not feel tired (experienced man :sweat_smile:).
You know bro @Rezboy247 when you have sex with your loved ones, dopamine, oxytocin, sertonine all those good hormones will be released in your brain. And I believe it’ll only help in improving your life.

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It’s a good opportunity to learn about tantric love making. In general, semen retention is then practiced at its fullest. A tantric master can have sex for 12 hours, having 20 cosmic orgasms without losing semen.

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@Attempt_Two_Electric_Boogaloo @Tagore Thanks guys. I believe that this is a chance for me to experience true love, instead of watching the game thing through the internet. I feel as if I am never going to pmo again. But I will not let sex become another addiction. I am certain that I will not go into a chaser effect if it happens. I won’t let myself. But I do like her a lot. She is special to me and I feel like if I was still watching ■■■■, I wouldn’t be the same at all, and only want her for her body and not personality. But I don’t see her as an object that I can use for myself, but rather a human being with feelings and emotions. I feel like I’m ready to go through with this if we hangout today (she still hasn’t replied, but is probably sleeping).

Thanks for this insight man, it’s so true that the real thing can’t compare to pmo.

Wish me luck guys! If it happens it happens, if it doesn’t then it doesn’t. I won’t put any pressure on myself, but if the moment’s right, I’ll be sure to make a move. Thank you guys!

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That’s crazy! I’ve never heard about that but it sounds interesting.

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hahaha… :sweat_smile: I did not mean Whole day in exact meaning brother… BDW I am not that much experienced in comparison to other guys here in forum.

I have listened about this too but don’t know exactly what it is.

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:face_with_hand_over_mouth::face_with_hand_over_mouth::joy::joy::joy::joy::joy::joy::joy::rofl::rofl::rofl:

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Date: 6/23/2030, Tuesday
Streak: 38 days

So today me and that girl didn’t hangout :sweat_smile:. She got her phone taken away awhile ago so she’s been using her mother’s friends sisters phone to text me so it was hard for her to communicate with me so we didn’t hangout lol. It kinda sucks but I still had a good day. I’m so sore from yesterdays CrossFit workout, I’m so sore everywhere lol. I also finished watching " Avatar the last Airbender" on Netflix which I’m sad about because it was so good. I learned a lot from watching the show and I feel somewhat empty now that it’s over.

I need to go soul searching and find out what my passion is in life so that I have something to work towards instead of mindlessly living life with no purpose. Because that’s one way someone can relapse. So I feel like I need to chill out. I need to stop focusing all my energy on girls and focus on myself. I’ve always had a problem with this. I always put others first, and never put myself first. It’s something I need to work on. I’m not saying that I should completely get rid of all girls, but instead put myself first and not let her drag me down. If that makes sense. But yeah today was great.

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I failed you guys. I’m so sorry. I have no excuses. I have fallen. I feel so ashamed. Words can’t describe how I feel. Seeing that zero brings back horrible memories. This is no one’s fault but mine. I need some time away from my phone including this app. I need to reflect on myself. I let you guys down. I’m sorry.

Screenshot_20200624-025913
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Fuck, what’s wrong with me? I didn’t even stop myself. I just accepted it. That is not like me. What the hell was I doing? I knew the severity of the situation but not once did I even try to stop myself. I went back to old habits. What the fuck, after all of the hard work I put in to get my highest streak, it’s all gone. The hardships were for nothing. Just because I wanted to peek. I’m so weak. This just proves that. I feel awful. I can’t think straight. It’s 3:00 and I still haven’t slept yet. I went back to my old days of watching porn, and was not worth it at all. No matter how much your brain tricks you into thinking porn is great, it will never be as great as you think. Fuck porn. Never look back, porn is evil. I’m so sorry everyone. I didn’t even expect this. I’m weak.

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Don’t beat yourself up. We, all, have our moments of weakness. Just pick yourself up quickly and don’t linger. Your next streak will surely be bigger.

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Hi @Rezboy247

I’ve just finished reading your journal after a couple of days.

It’s bad that you relapsed however it’s not the end of the world. Just keep trying to be better. :muscle: You got this. :raised_hands:

I you want to be a winner you need to learn how to cope with failures and how to stand up after you fell.

Maybe you could read a book on habits, motivation, goals… Jordan Peterson or something similar. It could help you to get additional support these days of lockdown.

Take care.

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I’m devastated by this news :cold_sweat::fearful::fearful:

However, as we say, shit happens. The good thing is, you regret it. When I relapsed after a big streak, I didn’t take it seriously, and accepted this way of living again. Please don’t. It’s only a small bump in the road, after 38 days of no pmo, one day can’t undo your progress. Continue on stronger with this new knowledge about yourself and this addiction, and make the changes necessary to succeed. It’s good that you’re taking a break from your phone. Nofap is seriously so easy without social media and YouTube. If you have the discipline to not use your phone, you won’t have urges that are nearly as strong. My advice is to only check your phone once in the morning and once in the evening. Charge it outside of your room, as far as possible away. The only thing that can trigger you now, is what is in your mind. Stop putting these triggers in your mind, then you won’t feel strong urges.
Also, install truple web filter and set it to adult+mixed. It sets all searches to safe mode, as well as YouTube, and you can’t turn safe mode off within the search engine. It also blocks all potentially dirty stuff.

Like you said, the most important thing is having a purpose in life. This is something you can spend days to months thinking about, so replace all of your phone time with thinking and self-reflection. Since two days, I’ve been practicing my drawing skills for industrial design, so I am better-prepared for my study course, and it’s amazing to be learning new things and getting better at them, even within such a small timeframe.

Though it feels horrible now, you will come out of it stronger. Fall 7 times and get up 8. Do all of your routines, every time, especially now. It will help you get back into your rhythm of a healthy lifestyle.

Take care,
I’m always here to be messaged. If you have an urge, message me, and don’t you dare think about opening any website or app before I’ve replied, and that might just take a while, because I only check twice a day. :laughing::laughing:

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Just see it that way - You have grown so much with this streak. It was a journey of itself and it will go into your biography as it is. That was a preparation for the next streak. This one will become even more epic!

So look forward for the next level, you know so much more now so this streak will get you to a whole new place. Summer is still long.

Peace

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We are all with you man @Rezboy247. Don’t get discouraged. It happens, as I say always only through hardships and failures you’ll become strong. One mistake you made in this Journey is that you edged or peeked at some point. I remember reading somewhere in your diary about it.
This is your chance to get back up and prove to this world your power and greatness by achieving a 1000 days streak. C’mon man. We’ll win. Be with me in bringing out the inner beast.

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I know how discouraging it is to fall after a good amount of days. It’s literally painful. But you cannot let pmo have this grasp over you now. Yes you fell, but you’ve made so much progress man. You’ve learned and put what you learned into action. Each day, each hour, each minute you withheld from pmo your brain changed. The change was slow, but you were more than 1/3 the way there. A relapse will not completely erase that, nor will a couple relapses, but you must take control now of this pmo thing. You’ve had control over the past 38 days, use whatever techniques you must but you must take control now. Otherwise you will erase all your progress and just cycle in your addiction for months, even years. Believe me, I’ve done just that. I’ve been actively struggling with this addiction for 4 years already. I’ve had long streaks and I’ve had short streaks. But if you do not make the conscious decision that you are done with pmo and let yourself indulge in this trust me brother things will be really hard for you especially since you’ve tasted of the goodness nopmo gives you. You are strong enough for 38 days, you are strong enough to beat these chaser effect cravings. Choose freedom.

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@AndyDufresne I’ll try not to but it’s so hard to find positives right now. I just feel so betrayed by myself.

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@comingclean I’ll try too keep this in mind! And yes, I’m only defeated if I choose to stay down. I’ve been watching a lot of Netflix recently and it would for sure be a good idea to replace that with reading some self improvement books. Thank you! Your support means a lot

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