Take these shits for now, will jot down my thoughts in the morning.
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21 March
I relapsed exactly at the same timings 
. Didnβt watch p today.
My exams were from 11 march but my fatherβs friend asked the principal whether itβs important or not, and he said itβs not important (the centre was also at a different place) so i am not giving the exams! But my father told me attend the coaching classes , he still says this because they used to call him (but now i have blocked those buffoons) , but sill my says the same things. One day after holi my cousins raided my home 
.
I am Waking up at 10 am since last 4 days. 2 days ago i was watching a movie on tv and i got triggered i went crazy and started to watch it on yt and relapsed too but at the end of the movie i cried because of the emotional scene. Yesterday i watched the same movie i am motivated now. The movie was Sita ram telugu. Today while watching an episode my father saw me, he was standing still and staring at me then i turned back and my heart started to beat super fast, i started to sweat and turned off my phone and went to another room. (Aankhon se unhone ye kya keh diya dil ye begana dhadkne laga ). I have now 15 days i have to complete the basics.
And yeah i got an idea to put my phone on detox for 14 days. I have to say few more things, will say tomorrow , i have to sleep early. And bruh it took me 45 minutes to write this post 
.
Thatβs all for today.
Thank you and have a great life
Thank you God 
Good night! 
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Bro how did you get triggered by watching sita ramam ?
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It wasnβt sita raman, it was sita ram . You can search for sita ram telugu dubbed movie on yt.
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oh ok
I misread β β β β β β β β β β β β
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Are you on a relapsing streak rather than nofap streak ?
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Damm, thatβs an 13 streak of relapses
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30 March 2023
Happy Ram Navmi
So last day i was about to say that i wasted the break that i took from the coaching, classes are from 4 april. My left shoulder and top of my femur bone pains after i wake, by doing some rehab exercises the pain stops, will talk about it later.
I also edged a bit today.
Woke up at 7 am because of the pooja , dhwaja and all. So today again they started to fight , i screamed, my father cried for the very first time , i hugged him, parents are talking about divorce (donβt think about extra marital affairs etc) and all. Itβs almost about to be 4 pm and none of us has eaten anything yet . Dude i wanna share more things , i have always wanted to do so , most of the time i donβt share many things, so i canβt explain more, like i canβt say what they say . I thought i will watch one shot videos today but this shit isnβt ending. Like most of the time i have to wake up at 2am or 3 am because of this quarrel.
This is from my diary (1st march 2023). I thought i will share this some other day. I wrote a poem at the end that day, idk whether itβs clear in the pic or not.
I wanna die,
I want a new life,
I will make them cry,
I want a new life,
I want to say to all my loved ones a final goodbye,
After crying i ask the question the why,
Sometimes i want to jump from the building which is very high,
Sometimes i want to tie my neck tightly until i die,
I want a new life.
The poem still suits with my current thoughts.
Donβt think i am gonna die. I hate this life.
T 111 I
Thatβs all.
Thank you and have a successful and happy life!
Love you all.
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I canβt imagine the condition. Bcz the worst thing I ever want to see is my father crying. If that thing ever happen, Iβll seriously fuck the reason for my fatherβs tears.
Your father want your support buddy. I know you are also so depressed but you are our Sholt tenkerrot (person with best sense of humor in this app. Atleast for me), you are way way stronger than you think.
I canβt help you physically or conditionally (even if I want), but one thing I can do is you can ask for any help from me, anytime anywhere in any condition. Iβll always try to help you.
And one more thing is, try to avoid these quarrels. I am not saying donβt take stand but I am saying try to pull yourself out from these type of conversations as much as possible. You are so young and so is your brain, and at this stage of life your brain absorbs such things so fast and will remain with you your entire life.
So Stay Strong buddy,
Remember :-- NOTHING IS PERMANENT, NEITHER HAPPINESS NOR SADNESS 
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Nhi bhai nhi, yaar aisa mat soch bro, People love you here man. Aise khyaal mat laa kuch din se mujhe bhi na aise ghatiya soch hogyi hai fantasizing + Overthinking wajah se par pta maine apne aap ko bola ki I will have to fight, Main haar nhi sakta, Apni mummy - Sister ke baarein soch unonhe kitni mehnat kari tere liye , I canβt even see tears in my mom eyes.
Dada ji ko kiya vaada nibhana hai tujhe mere dost aur mehnat karni hai. Kabhi bat karni ho toh tere paas mera contact, you can talk to me anytime if you want without hesitation.
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Happy Ram Navami bro. Bro, I didnβt know your condition is so messed up 
I am an immatured guy, but this is my view of points/advice I wanna say to you.
Like yash has said, it is really beyond imagination bro. You are way more matured than you think. We all think really bad about us but others really see the potential within us. Do support him whenever he needs your help.
Try to intervene and stop the fight. Quarreling is not the solution. Have a family meeting and try to solve it through family meeting. Because family is forever.
Like black magic has told, people definitely love you here. Donβt even think of dying because I had 2 near death experiences and 1 of them is falling from an 3 story house.
Also in the diary you have written some questions right. I ask them everyday because I am a failure till now.
If I meant any immature things, do forgive me and correct me. Because I am not that good at understanding other people and their feelings.
If quarrel happens again, do intervene and solve the problem. Because faily is forever.
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Bro no matter what Donβt say die. Youβre strong man why do u think youβre here even after failing for like a 1000000 times? Its because u donβt want to give up. And STRONG PEOPLE ABSOLUTELY DO NOT GIVE UP. You see youβre full of yourself. Youβre being selfish. Kabhi socha hai agar tune kuch chutiyapa kiya to kya hoga? Tu to chala jayga reβ¦tere didiya, mummy, papa, dadiβ¦ Unka kya? Kabhi socha unke bare me?
Saying i want to die is not the route u should be taking. You can fail a million times more but donβt ever say die my friend. U want to share your pain? THE WHOLE FUCKING RC is here for u. Were a family. Youre in pain, let us all ease it. Tell us bro, tell us everything. Let it all out in one big fucking messages and calm the hell down. Youβre calm, caring and a very kind person thats why you have not done anything rash. You see, life is tough RIGHT NOW, NOT FOREVER. NO ONE HAS HARDSHIPS FOREVER. Youre smart, determined and dedicated. Youβre just a little of the track. Get in the right headspace buddy what youβre thinking rn is not rational nor is it practical.
YOUβRE BETTER THAN THIS. YOUβRE STRONGER THAN THIS. YOUβRE FUCKING MENTAL GOKU MY BOY. YOU GOT THIS. YOU JUST GOTTA HOLD ON, AND FACE WHATEVER LIFE IS THROWING AT YOU.
what u need rn is clearing up everything u have in your heart. U need to vent. Vent here. Weβre all here for you.
You have your exams coming up g, this is not the time to be sucked into darkness you think is so terrifying. You have to resist it g, and youβre doing pretty well.
Wake up SHOLT. WAKE UP. WEβRE HERE FOR YOU
9 Likes
Dare not say what spring can not offer
What a fall can say, what suffocation can shutter
Do not neglect what was giving to thyself
What was once a right, must always be recovered
Once upon a time, it was more than once
Perhaps your enemy is not life, it is yourself
If a man ever wanted life then Destiny must respond
The obstacle is the way, I know itβs rough
βI want a new life!β But was the wish ever enough
He who stairs down the edge of darkness
Wonβt take long till he falls, my brother
I speak to you with my heart, I donβt want to bother
The sun also rises, even after darkness
Even after eclipses, even after nights
So why are you bowing down to those who chained you
And keeping the true voice of freedom inside you
Let it speak, let it chant
Look beyond, take my hand
Start againβ¦
Aim higher and stand!
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Oh shitttt our bro is in pain and I wasnβt active.
Dammmnnnn 
. I had no idea, I thought the fight was with aunt and all.
Scary afβ¦
Iβll find time and call you tomorrow (kal ya parson)
Kis time free rehta hai?
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I had similar thoughts many months ago when I used to jβ’rk off 4 times 
These types of feelings started to enter my mind just after ejaculation complete.
I even posted similar thoughts in nofap.com forum. But the forum is not as active as RC. People rarely reply in that forum. However 2 or 3 guys replied and advised not to do any stupid things.
I donβt know any evidence but this type of suicidal thoughts came to me only after excessive ejaculation ( masturbation ). Now I am feeling very good without PMO.
YES !
Everything will become good with time !
I can feel your situation , my Liβl brother.
I can feel how you felt because I recently felt the same after doing the habit many times in a day.
God created semen not only for procreation but also for nourishing our body and brain. But we ( not all ) keep wasting. It will have some effect in our body and mind
Now Fβ’ck western science who says β β β β is not confirmed as an addiction. Research is going. Masturbation is healthy !!! We donβt have any evidence till now"
Me to Western Science - 
( What the hell are you saying ! Have you ever read Veda or Ayurveda ? )
After ejaculation , I googled I always found M once is healthy in the front page of Google !!! One of the reason for which I justified my habit and did another relapse in the same day. Itβs rubbish. Then I stopped to find about masturbation in Google.
What the fβ’ck ! Masturbating once is not healthy at all.
"Sholt told me he is addicted since class 4. 
My brain blasted hearing this. "
I have taught many class 4 students ( boys ). Most of them seem depressed most of the time. Now I am afraid whether they have come across P.
It is confirmed addiction.
Fβ’ck pmo
He must be feeling a lot of pain ( emotional, mental and physical ).
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Man it literally gave me goosebumpsβ¦
Little brother , please stay strong , it will pass , trust me it will passβ¦
I can feel you brother , i can understand your situationβ¦bas itna khungi ki agar koi friend h jispar trust Kiya ja ske uske pass jao usse baatein kro physically , in person jaakr agr possible nhi to call par kroβ¦andar hi andar mat ghutna brotherβ¦parents ko smjhaane ki koshish kro par jyada nhi as it will drain your energy onlyβ¦abhi phle tum khud strong bno brother tbhi to family ka bhi dhyaan rkh paogeβ¦bas khyaal rkhna brotherβ¦
And ye na sochna ki tum akele ho we all are with you little brother 
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I hope sholt is ok, itβs been little while since he came online.
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Yes he is okβ¦ β¦
β¦
β¦
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