[16M] X's diary

I am starting hard mode and complete semen retention so i can reboot my brain.
My triggers are:

  • Comfort Zone
  • Despression
  • Anger
  • Any life problem in general
1 Like

Hey, can you expand on the comfort zone trigger?

I spend 80 percent of my free time lying in bed under blankets surfing the internet on my phone.
I am so relaxed that i forget all my motivations and even a small triggering image, video or thought is enough to break me and i give up instantly.
I have noticed that when i am not in the comfort zone i atleast try to put up a fight against urges so i think its a huge trigger for me.
I have started spending my free time reading articles or sitting in a chair while browsing the internet which helps.


Ah I understand now.

Day 0: I relapsed

I had done my breakfast and was lying in my bed with my phone. I noticed thats how i relapse so i thought that i will take a shower and prepare for an upcoming test. I locked my room and then made a mistake, i got back in my bed thinking that i will shower 5 mins later. In those 5 mins an urge hit me. I hesitated for a second or two then i thought that i will look at P and wont do anything. One thing led to another like it always does and i relapsed.
I hate myself rn, its almost winters here and i took an ice cold shower to punish myself for what i did.
My problem i think is that i only come to this app after i have relapsed, not when i actually need it, not during the crucial hours.
I had 2 30 day streaks 2 months ago and i got so overconfident that i forgot that i am still not strong enough to be on my own.
Procastination and over confidence 2 more things i gotta be careful about.

Day 1:

Its wasnt a very good but wanst too bad either
I kept my physical activity low to avoid getting too tired
I have started listening to music ALOT, I use it as an alternative for dopamine releases

Day 0:
I havent updated in about 2 weeks
I made it till day 10 but then relapsed again
The guilt of failure is higher than ever before but it’s also what keeps me going, to make something better of what i am.

Day 1:
I am 17 hours into day one and it feels like hell.
I have been having headaches since the moment i woke up in the morning. The whole day was unproductive.
I am frustrated with my condition, I am angry at myself for ruining my previous streak and wrecking havoc on my mind. I feel dead from the inside. Its like something is missing from me, the moment I relapsed i felt something being sucked out of my veins.
I want to run away from this reality, but I just can’t, it’s my duty to face it and overcome it. I owe atleast that much to myself.
But in the end all these problems are a reminder, a motivation and provide a beacon of hope for me to resurface and make my life better.

Day 4:
18 hours into day 4; I have been experiencing urges but they arent that strong and i am able to fight them back, I need to keep fighting because I know soon a strong one will come and I will have to hold my ground.
I have been flat lining aswell, gladly it’s a recovery symptom, but it reduces productivity which is an aim of nofap.
Lets hope I can make tomorrow a productive day.

Day 0:
Fucked up again!!!
I have managed to eliminate all my triggers except for one.
That is staying up late night, when everyone is asleep and only you are awake a state of depression takes over, music turns into sad music, and loneliness sets in. Its my favourite time because its the most peaceful time in the entire day but it’s when I am the most vulnerable.
If an urge comes during this time, I camt resist it, I dont think I have ever been able to fight an urge during this time.
So from now on, I wont stay up late and quit this fckin routine