It’s been almost 10 years., (Spoiler gay story)
I was a child I had no clue, whats sex or sexuality.
All my classmate had started to figure out themselves and pursuing girls, I didn’t feel that excitement, and tried my best I want to be like them, live the same excitement.
My friend at the time, one day I went to his house and he touched me. I didn’t realise/analyse, what’s happening, then I did the same to him, I liked the attention, then I got excited. For 2-3 weeks, everyday, without thinking, driven by desire, excitement, desire to fill alot of void, I went to his place to explore and try more. It it all stoped when it got to where he wanted me to sck hi dick, and then actually panetrate me. I didn’t agree for one reason, he made it feel like I’m bad person, he humiliated me.
10 years , since 2 major things in my life happened.
I realized I’m gay, and felt it’s bad and humiliating , felt worthless. I realized how people would look down on me of they knew. And second thing, I was stuck there in the good moment slightly before feeling humiliated. I remember everything so clear, I remember every feeling.
Since then I’m running back to that moment, I’m stuck in being 13, I never left that moment, my body is growing, time is passing, the world is speeding to the future, and I’m still stuck there.
I relapsed a bit ago, after 7 days. I’m telling this story depressed, sad, it’s still stuck in my head, it changed me, killed something in me. I was just 13 , and it just happened.
No one cared to check what was happening for 2-3 weeks, and no one cared to check why the hell, suddenly this child changed 180 degrees, from very active full of life, to sad quit guy.
I tried to cure myself from that moment for years, I’m still stuck there at that age.