There have been few who have checked on me in last couple of days, and I have hurted them by continuously failing to stay clean.
Can’t believe the person who had a 120+ day streak at start of this month will struggle to stay clean for more than 5 days as the month comes to an end.
It’s rare for me to write all these things when my bad days come because in that time I have shame and guilt so I choose to stay away from forum until normalcy has been restored.
Had a 9 day streak in between all this chaos but once it got broken the floodgates have been opened and this addiction looks pretty strong now compared to what it was few days ago.
I still have the mindset of what it requires to be free. But it feels like that part of me disappears when I need him to fight the urges.
At present there’s chaos in my mind and I have low self confidence.
I am not calm, and it’s hurting me
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If you are hurting yourself for failing you won’t recover. Fail is part of the process. Maybe you have found something lewd and new and that is what your brain is consuming it like a new drug, what you must do is get tired of the new tempation, don’t care if you fail, now the streak is no important but get tired of pmo, when boredom come the calm arrives again. It is important never watch anything new related with adicction.
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Don’t worry too much about it.
It usually happens like that after high streaks. Unless you are insanely careful. Due to the long lack of exposure to ■■■■, once you relapse the brain starts demanding it again and again like a drunken monkey. Seeking the high.
That’s why chaser effect is the worst after a long streak. It hits the hardest.
But even the , there comes a point in the valley when you realise, enough is enough, it’s time to get back. Keep pushing and persevering till you reach that point. You are not alone
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Experienced it last year after I broke my 87 days streak and again experiencing it.
But given how my life has gone till now, seriously speaking, I would definitely wouldn’t even be in this world but I never lost hope. And I will continue to believe in myself but this time I want to repay the faith of all the well wishers in this forum.
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Hey man, it sounds like you’re having a tough time in your life now. Chaos is rampant, your self-esteem and confidence is at all time low, nothing seems to be going right. And above all, your journey against this addiction is going nowhere. Having a previous long streak before, I’m sure you’re doing all you can and know to combat this and maybe some of it is working and maybe some isn’t. I want to remind you of something.
No matter how deep into this addiction anyone is, no matter how many years or how many times they PMO in a day, their addiction will NEVER be stronger than their ability to make a decision to stop. Period. Yes, you have times where some factors make you weaker or more prone to PMO, but they all lead to the same thing: you making an active decision to go down the dopamine slide. Take heart in this fact, because it means that no matter how bleak it looks, YOU CAN ALWAYS DO IT. You are not shackled to your urges. Your urges merely ask for your permission.
Calm your mind, calm your heart. You have gotten through this before and you will do so again. Peace brother.
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