Well yeah, it did happen. Despite I felt really proud of myself that I broke out of the one week streak and reached 12-days’ one, I knew somehow that I will relapse, and I got a few really important lessons to share.
The feeling of social anxiety relieving got me thinking about a pretty amazing experience when I was in my middle school. I was really ashamed of myself back then, practically had no friends and had fights with my classmates almost every break at school. It was really, really tough time for me and I couldn’t put my finger on what was the cause for it, probably because of my **cked up family, until I made a decision to forcefully put me out of my comfort zone. I asked my mom to arrange a summer camp for me. Dunno if you guys have these in your countries, but here in Russia these place are made for teens under 16, where live for like a few months doing different activities and socializing.
When I got there… Well, the first week was a total nightmare. I was afraid of everyone, I even started to stutter when talking to other people. I had a really bad case of depression back then and, man, the amount of negativity I experienced was immense. I called my parents to take me back, despite it was me who asked them to send me there and not send me back home in case I wanted.
But then a totally amazing thing happened to me. Just all of a sudden I felt it was enough. I slowly started to open up, and, man, in three weeks I became a TOTALLY DIFFERENT PERSON. The transformation I went through was incredible, people at school no longer recognized me. The girls in the camp were all over me by the end, and the amount of text messages I got later on social media from them was insane. I made lots of friends there and people really loved and appreciated me, it was like a complete change in my mindset and how I viewed the world. The whole point is I realized it when I relapsed, strangely enough. In camp I never had a chance to masturbate, like at all, and I have always been exposed to socializing. I think that this imposed nofap I had there played a HUGE role in this transformation. Man, this was insane, and I never became the same person after that.
Next thing I wanted to share is that despite I finally managed to stop myself from fapping for the last two weeks, I still was exposed to all sorts of images on Instagram and in my head. I kinda felt that the thing that I made wrong during this streak is not making myself less exposed to these types of images. I’ve got to fill my day with a lot more challenging things to settle, and only then will I be able to stop counting days and even thinking of relapsing. I’ll update my progress on this here.
Now, this is a really weird one.
I think that repressing your own desiries to fap is in a way a castration. You deny to yourself that you, for example want to fuck this girl, so your brain starts to think that wanting to fuck is something bad, but it’s not. The thing is, you’ve got to make yourself so busy doing things for your own development, that you don’t even have time to think about it.
Yeah, and the final thing is accountability. Man, this thing does miracles. I never thought I would feel anything like that, but when I relapsed the first thought I had was:
Shit, dude, I started this topic on forum being so positive I will crush 90 days and now I will have to update my progress and everyone will know I messed up.
But I’m glad I did relapse, it made me realize a whole bunch of very, very important lessons. I would love to hear what you guys think and share your own stories.
Cheers